


What We Find

by indigomini



Series: What We Find [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Double Penetration, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Slice of Life, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2018-09-14 17:34:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 44,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9196292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indigomini/pseuds/indigomini
Summary: Jongin has waited his whole life to meet the person on the other end of the red thread.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3.7k

Jongin has dreamt of the day when he finally sees the person on the other end of the red thread. The one wrapped around his left ring finger and tied in a neat little bow with a short, loose end hanging down. He can’t _really_ feel it, but Jongin treats it as if it is the most precious thing in the world, even going out of his way to avoid people snagging on it—which of course is impossible—but he takes this very seriously. He remembers in his younger years, when it first— _finally_ —arrived, trying to touch it, to see if maybe it could reverberate down the thread to his soulmate. Only once.

His friends had all gotten theirs before him. Or so they said anyway, it’s not like anyone could verify other than their own soulmates. It doesn’t bother him too much. When it comes to eternal love, he can be patient. His soulmate will come into his life when they’re both ready.

It will be perfect.

Walking three rambunctious little poodles through a park is hard work. 80% of it is apologizing to everyone they pass for getting the dogs’ leashes tangled up in their business. Jongin was in the process of freeing a little girl from Jjangah when he freezes. The thread. The tail normally just hangs down and whatever goes beyond that is invisible, but the thread. He can see it.

The thread. It’s right here. They’re right here. His soulmate is right here.

He almost abandons his babies, but comes to his senses and works on unwrapping Monggu’s leash from around Jjangah’s before Jjangu decides to join the mix and turn the girl into a leash mummy. Jongin offers the girl and her mother a hasty apology and glances back down. Still there.

He’s going to meet his soulmate today. He should have flossed. And worn a better shirt.

Does… Is… Should he follow the thread? Or is it supposed to just happen, like in a movie, where they serendipitously bump into each other and look down to see the single red thread connecting their lifelines and laugh merrily?

The thread is lifting up. Someone walks right over it, and Jongin nearly flips out on them before realizing they just walked through it. But oh no, his soulmate is on the move.

Fuck it.

Divining for one’s soulmate in a crowded park with three rowdy puppies is an exercise in determination. Jongin is determined.

He sees… him. It’s a him. That’s fine. That’s perfect. Sitting on a bench in a fairly secluded part of the park and scrolling through his phone. Has he noticed the line between them yet? He’s perfect. His hair looks a little greasy, and his clothes look like he slept in them, and Jongin can’t get a proper bead on his face, but he’s so perfect. They’ll laugh about this when they’re married.

What should he say? He should go with something cool like… he can’t think of anything. His palms are getting sweaty and the dogs are still hyper, sniffing around and tangling their leashes all over him once again. Maybe he should walk over and just sit down next to him. Ohh, that’d be smooth.

The guy stops scrolling and his head ticks just a bit to the side. Oh god, he sees the thread. It’s happening. It’s _happening_. Jongin tries to shuffle closer and puts on his best face.

The guy looks up at him. Okay, his soulmate is handsome as hell. He’s gorgeous. Of course he would be. He’s got a zit on his cheek. It’s adorable. His eyebrows are so full and thick. It makes him look so serious. Jongin can’t wait to see him smile.

It… might take a bit though, because he’s scowling currently. At Jongin.

“Hi,” he tries, beaming widely, “my name is Jongin.”

The guy’s perfect lips lift into a sneer. Maybe he just has to sneeze. He looks down at his phone and resumes scrolling. Jongin waits for at least a minute before he steps forward and clears his throat. No response. Oh no, is he deaf? It’ll be okay, Jongin can learn sign language on YouTube.

“Go away.”

What? “What?”

“I don’t care,” the guy says, and despite the glare on the screen, Jongin can make out that he’s now playing a puzzle game on his phone. “Go away.”

“I- I’m not trying to sell you anything?” Jongin says, confused. He lifts his left arm up so the short red thread between them dangles a little more obviously. “I’m your soulmate.” Another bright grin. It’s just a misunderstanding.

“Oh yeah?” the guy asks monotonously, still swiping away on his phone.

“What’s your name?” Maybe he’s nervous, and this is how he expresses his feelings. It’s okay. Jongin can be the one person who can get through and see his vulnerable side. Or the one to coax him out of his shell.

“Shouldn’t you know that?” the guy asks, finally looking back up at him. “What’s my favorite movie? Can you make my favorite foods?” He snaps his fingers. “Quick, answer.”

Jongin’s mouth opens, and he lets it hang. “How am I supposed to know these things? We’ve just met.”

“See? No such thing as soulmates,” the guy says. “There are just a shitload of people you _might_ be compatible with, whose bullshit you’re willing to accept, and the willingness to make things work. I’m not willing to make things worse. This?” He finally lifts his hand, shaking it so the red thread bounces between them. “This is a Tinder match combined with a drunk night in Las Vegas. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“...How can you say that?” Jongin asks softly.

The guy shoots him a withering glare before switching to a smirk. It’s hot. Jongin feels a swell of hope. “Okay. Take off your clothes.”

“What?”

“We’re soulmates. Let’s fuck.”

“...I…” Jongin frowns. “I don’t want to right now…”

“Why?” the guy says, standing up and walking closer, ignoring the pups as they jump up against his calves. He’s shorter than Jongin, by almost a head. “This is the magic moment you’ve been waiting for, isn’t it? I’m the one you’re destined to be with? Don’t you want to start our perfect relationship off with a _bang_?”

“Why are you being like this to me?” Jongin whispers, clenching his teeth as he hears the shakiness in his voice. He isn’t one to think he’s a special snowflake, but to the person on the other end of the thread, he should be. Shouldn’t he? The exception to all the rules? Wasn’t that the point?

Another sneer. The guy holds his hands out. “This is who I am. You ready to love and accept that?” He lets out a bitter laugh.

This can’t be right. This has to be a dream or a mistake or something. “I’m gonna go,” Jongin says quietly. “We can talk again when you’re done being an asshole.”

“Good luck with that.”

Jongin doesn’t move. The guy does, heading back to the bench and taking his phone out again. He looks up after a few seconds and raises an eyebrow in question.

Jongin clears his throat. “Should we… Do you want to at least exchange numbers or anything?”

“I thought we were _soulmates_.” He spits the word out like a curse, “We shouldn’t have to, right?”

Halfway back to his apartment, Jongin bursts into tears, covering his mouth with one hand as the puppies continue to drag him by the other. It takes him by surprise, and he scrubs at his eyes in embarrassment, hiccuping as he moves through the sidewalk. Out of all the people in the world, why would he get stuck with that guy for a soulmate?

—

This is the shittiest month of Kyungsoo’s life.

He got passed over for promotion, his parents finally got divorced, and now Chanyeol. Chanyeol is actually leaving him. That last one came out of nowhere and knocked him right on his ass.

“But you _love_ me,” Kyungsoo protests.

“It’s not real,” Chanyeol says, looking at him sadly. “I thought I did, but then he came into my life. How can it be real love if I still meet my soulmate?”

“We’re _happy_ together,” Kyungsoo argues. This cannot be happening. They were the one constant in his life. “We’ve been together since high school. I know you better than anybody else in the world.”

“I know. And it hurts me so much to do this. I want to stay with you—”

“So stay! You don’t even know them! You just met. You don’t feel anything.”

“ _Yet._ ”

“What, did you just drop all the feelings and memories you’ve ever had of me?”

“Of course not,” Chanyeol frowns. “You don’t understand. You’ll get it when you meet your soulmate. Call me when you do. We can stay friends.”

—

No thanks, universe. Kyungsoo doesn’t need a soulmate to come into his life and fuck shit up right now. He needs to mourn and finish unpacking his stuff into his new apartment. That guy and his stupid fucking poodles can piss off.

He bumps into someone in the nearby grocery store the next day and knocks their carrots all over the floor. Kyungsoo bows and rushes to gather them up, straightening to find _him_ again. What’s his face.

Jongin.

Jongin’s eyes widen in surprise and he offers a weak smile. “Hi?”

Kyungsoo drops the carrots into the guy’s basket and spins on his heels, storming off in silence.

He’s standing in line at the coffee shop the next morning and slowly becomes aware that he’s appreciating the butt of the guy standing in front of him. It’s perky and firm-looking, and a pretty hand reaches back to dig out a wallet. Kyungsoo’s eyes follow the pretty hand up to find its owner glancing at the window of the shop, turning fully back once he catches Kyungsoo in his periphery. In his distraction, it didn’t even occur to him to notice how the red thread had strung between them.

Jongin watches him hesitantly before the cashier clears her throat and asks how he would be paying. He turns around, pays, and steps to the side, standing there quietly.

Kyungsoo walks right past him without saying a word.

They meet at the bus stop. Again on the sidewalk. Jongin steps out of a changing room stall that Kyungsoo was just about to open to try on some clothes. He’s sitting next to the only empty table at a restaurant Kyungsoo goes to. Everywhere he turns, all week long, there Jongin is. It’s maddening.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Kyungsoo growls out as he bumps into someone one night, walking out of his apartment. It’s Jongin. Of-fucking-course, it is. “Why are you even here? Do you even have an excuse, or are you so desperate, you’re straight up stalking me now?’

Jongin looks like he was just slapped and takes a step back. “ _You’re_ the one who keeps running into me,” he eventually says.

“I don’t know that,” Kyungsoo says, although he does. He really does. He knows the kid can’t be doing this. “You need to take no for an answer.”

“It’s not like I-” Jongin huffs, “Why do you hate me so much? You won’t even give me a chance!”

“I don’t want a soulmate. I thought I made that clear.”

Something seems to break behind Jongin’s eyes, and he suddenly looks very tired. He sighs and looks down, grabbing repeatedly at the loose thread on his finger.

“You can’t,” Kyungsoo says, annoyed, “I’ve tried.”

—

The thread rolls against the pads of Jongin’s fingers and the world goes silent.

They both stop breathing, and maybe everyone else is still walking and carrying on, but they stare at the red tail of the little bow pinched between his index and thumb for a long time before they simultaneously look up at each other’s eyes. Jongin isn’t sure what expression is on his face, but Kyungsoo’s eyes go as wide as saucers, his mouth hanging open.

Jongin looks away first, back down at his hands. He hasn’t tried to touch it since he was young, even though everyone else had said it would be fine. It had always been too precious to chance, and now he was holding it literally by a thread. It wasn’t a good knot either, just a simple bow. He wants to sit down and cry. It was like he suddenly caught a baby bird from falling to its death out of a tree, and suddenly lost his balance.

_Say something… Tell me not to._

“Are… you going to do it?” Kyungsoo asks, sounding nervous.

“Should I?” Jongin looks up after several seconds of no response. Kyungsoo’s eyes are still fixed on the thread, perhaps for the first time looking unsure. He gulps, his Adam’s apple bobbing.

Jongin bites down on his lower lip and blinks, freeing fat drops of tears from his eyes. He pulls, and gasps as the thread disappears like a wisp of smoke from his finger. He looks over at Kyungsoo’s left hand to see it empty as well.

“You—you didn’t even let me answer,” Kyungsoo sputters.

His chest spasms as he tries to hide a sob. His eyes burning, threatening more, but he covers it with shallow breaths. His sinuses are swelling. His finger… his finger looks so alien now without the red. “You would have said yes,” he says steadily.

“And how would you know that?”

“Because I was your soulmate,” Jongin answers, turning around and walking back into his apartment, slamming the door shut.

—

Kyungsoo spots the familiar mop of dark brown hair sitting at the bar later that night. He watches Jongin throw the shot back and try to pull himself up to standing, swaying as gravity jostles him much more effectively on his feet than in a stool. Kyungsoo catches his arm and keeps him from collapsing until he rights himself. Jongin turns to him, mouth open perhaps to thank, but stops once recognition sinks in.

“What are you drinking?” Kyungsoo says quickly. He gets the bartender’s attention and points at Jongin’s drink to signal for another.

Jongin’s lips curl into a crooked sneer as he looks down at the shot glass miserably. “I don’t know. I think he said it was tequila.”

The bartender stands before them. “Just one?”

“Actually, pour me one too. I should share a drink with my soulmate,” Kyungsoo smiles.

The bartender’s eyes light up and he grins at both of them. “Congratulations! Oh wow, that’s cool! Here then, this one’s on me.” He pours out two shots and pushes it toward them. Jongin snorts, but says nothing, grabbing one of the shots and throwing it back, scowling afterward.

Kyungsoo picks up his glass and brings it to his lips, watching Jongin carefully. Jongin resolutely ignores him. “You okay?” he asks, sipping his liquor and grimacing. “This stuff is cheap.” Harsh and thin. Blech.

Jongin stays silent, watching the bead of leftover alcohol roll around in his shotglass as he turns it in his fingers.

“This isn’t your first time drinking, is it?”

“Yep,” Jongin answers sullenly. “You still here?”

“What are _you_ doing here?’

Now, he finally turns. Just enough to cast Kyungsoo a sideways glance. He lets out a single, dry laugh, turning his gaze back down. “I’ve never dated. I’ve never had a first kiss. Nothing. I waited my whole life for… my soulmate.” He chews on the inside of his cheek for a moment, rolling the alcohol left and right in the glass. “And now, I don’t even have one. So I figured I should at least go get laid.”

Dumb kid, Kyungsoo thinks. Just a naive, dumb kid. “You gonna look for a guy or a girl?”

Jongin shrugs. “I don’t know. Never thought about it.”

“You never had hopes for what your soulmate would be like?” Kyungsoo asks, casting him a doubtful look.

“No.”

“...At all?” Kyungsoo prompts.

“I hoped they would like me.” And with that, Jongin turns and tries to walk away.

This time, Kyungsoo follows. “Hey! Hey, wait!”

A woman blocks Jongin’s way, eyeing him up and down appreciatively. She puts a bold hand on the middle of his chest, and he looks up at her in surprise. “Hey, hottie. Wanna dance?”

“He doesn’t,” Kyungsoo pushes her hand off and turns to Jongin, who is studying her face with a contemplative look. “Hey!”

“I _do_ want to dance,” Jongin mumbles, sidestepping him and flashing her a small smile.

Kyungsoo watches them walk away. He shouldn’t care. He doesn’t. Not really. But he feels guilty, and the kid is going to regret this afterward. He lets out a resigned sigh and heads back into the dance floor to track Jongin down.

“C’mon, c’mon,” he mutters, hoping for their soulmate powers thing to activate and bump them into each other again. It didn’t work earlier: he’ll deny it, but he had noticed Jongin as he walked into this bar and decided he needed to at least apologize. But come on, Spidey senses.

It’s ten minutes later, and he still can’t find them anywhere. He heads into the men’s restroom as a last resort, and is greeted with Jongin sloppily making out with the woman from earlier, her panties around her ankles and her hand stuffed into Jongin’s unzipped pants, making short, frenzied motions.

“Hey!” Kyungsoo shouts, causing Jongin to break the kiss and look for the source of the sudden noise.

The woman glances back and giggles, pulling her hand out of his pants and shoving Jongin back against the wall. “Do you want someone to watch us?”

“This is my soulmate, and you’re taking advantage of him when he’s drunk. You need to leave,” Kyungsoo orders, narrowing his eyes at her. She looks horrified for a moment, glancing back at Jongin, who’s leaning against the tile with his eyes closed, breathing slowly.

“Sorry,” she mutters, avoiding eye contact and pulling her panties back up, exiting quickly.

“Hey kid,” Kyungsoo says, stepping closer.

“You’re not my soulmate,” Jongin whimpers out, face contorting. “Go away.”

“I _am_ your soulmate—”

“You _were_ my soulmate.”

“You’re drunk. Your dick is hanging out,” Kyungsoo says, and Jongin opens his eyes and quickly tucks himself back in, zipping his pants up. “You would’ve regretted doing that.”

“I regret meeting you,” Jongin says sullenly.

“I know,” Kyungsoo says. “But if you believe all the love-at-first-sight, saving-yourself-for-your-soulmate bullshit, then you would’ve really regretted losing your virginity in a nasty bathroom hookup that you won’t even remember.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Don’t be so melodramatic,” Kyungsoo says. “You can still go and date and be happy, kid. Plenty of people go their whole lives happy and fulfilled, without ever seeing who’s on the other end of that thread.”

“But I’ve seen you, so there goes that,” Jongin grumbles.

“God, you’re such a child. Are you going to pout all night?” Kyungsoo snaps, pursing his lips afterward. He was supposed to be apologizing, he remembers.

Jongin stumbles past him,. Kyungsoo catches him as he goes sideways again.

“You’re too fucking drunk right now. Stop being like this.”

“Like what?” Jongin spits out. “You wanted me to leave you alone. I’m trying!”

“Do you live across the hall from me?”

Jongin stares blankly for a moment. “I live in apartment 221B,” he slurs out.

“Right,” Kyungsoo tries to summon patience. “That’d be across from me. C’mon. Let’s walk you home.”

“I don’t need you to do me any favors,” Jongin huffs.

“It’s not a favor,” Kyungsoo says, grabbing his wrist and guiding him out. “I’m _trying_ to say sorry.”

Jongin leans heavily against him as they stumble down the sidewalk. It’s not far from their apartment, but Jongin is way taller, and it’s difficult to balance. They don’t speak until he manages to get them into the elevator.

“So,” Kyungsoo says, pushing the button for their floor. “You got your first kiss and handjob tonight. How was that?”

Jongin stares blankly at him, looking like he’s ready to burst into tears again. Okay, so probably not a good time for that conversation right now. Kyungsoo drags him out of the elevator and down the hall, stopping before 221B. “This is you.”

Jongin nods, stepping forward and leaning his forehead against the door. He slides down to the floor slowly, covering his head with his arms.

“Kid,” Kyungsoo nudges him with his foot. “Go inside. Drink some water. Sleep it off.”

“I can’t,” Jongin mutters.

Kyungsoo waits, but no explanation comes. “Did you forget your keys?”

“No.”

He rolls his eyes and lets out a loud sigh. “Why can’t you go in then?”

“My babies are in there… I don’t want them to see me like this.”

“You have children?” Kyungsoo asks, eyes widening. What…

He hears small scratches coming from the other side, along with some curious sniffing. Jongin presses his hand against the door with a miserable look on his face. “I’m sorry, babies,” he whispers.

“Your—” Kyungsoo wants to kick him. “Your _dogs_? Are you kidding me?”

“Go away. I’m home. I’m fine.”

“Go inside!” he orders.

Jongin makes no move to listen, nor does he respond, closing his eyes again.

Kyungsoo purses his lips. “Whatever. I wanted to say I’m sorry for being mean. So: I’m sorry. Goodnight.” He opens his own door and walks inside, slamming it shut behind him.

He tries to occupy himself. He brushes his teeth, checks his phone, and then he’s rushing back to his front door, throwing it open. Jongin is across the small hallway, curled up in a ball, snoozing away stubbornly. Idiot. Kyungsoo strides forward and carefully pats his pockets, pulling out his keys. On the other side, the dogs start scratching the door anew. If he opens it, they’ll probably come rushing out and get lost or die or something, and it’ll be all his fault, of course.

He sighs, shaking Jongin’s shoulders gently. “Kid,” he says, watching Jongin sleepily crack an eyelid open. “Come on.”

Jongin is a robot when he’s sleeping. He sits up, eyes still closed, and lets Kyungsoo pull him to his feet again. They stumble through his living room, and Kyungsoo drops him onto the couch, watching Jongin burrow into the cushions immediately, curling himself up around a pillow. He probably didn’t even wake up.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3.1k

Something must have crawled into Jongin’s mouth in the night, spun a web, and died. Painfully. His stomach twists uneasily as he tries to pull himself upright, wincing and shielding his eyes with a groan. Everything is too bright. There is a ringing in his left ear.

“Why, good morning, Sleeping Beauty. It’s about time,” says a deep, melodic voice to his right, a tease in the tone.

Jongin covers his eyes and squints through his fingers at the source.  _ The Guy _ is curled up in the chair next to the couch in an old tee and pink boxers with bird prints on them. He quickly looks down to find himself fully dressed, except barefoot. It takes a long moment to realize that this is not his apartment.

“My place,” The Guy says, studying Jongin’s face carefully, amusedly. “I didn’t take advantage of you. That’s Advil and water on the table. There’s breakfast in the kitchen. Bathroom’s first door on the left, down the hallway.”

No red. No red on his finger. No red between them. Jongin looks down at his own hand and suppresses a gasp. There’s a red thread on his ring finger, but it’s looped around several times. He can see both ends hanging down. One is frayed. He looks back at the guy in case the hangover is blurring his vision that badly. Nope. Nothing. A glance upward, and their eyes meet, the guy trying to be subtle about watching him.

“Problem?” he asks Jongin.

Jongin tries to covertly brush his fingers over the thread, to check if it is just his former soulmate being an asshole and trying to prank him. His hand passes right over it, feeling nothing. What does this mean? Is he getting a new soulmate? Does this happen to people? Or does it mean he’s destined to be forever alone now? “What happened last night?” he finally asks, forcing his scratchy throat to cooperate after some resistance. Jongin leans forward slowly, swiping the bottle off the table and popping two green pills into his mouth, carefully sipping the water to swallow it down. The dull throb in his right temple grows more demanding. He feels like he’s just been resuscitated.

“Well, you threw back like half a dozen tequila shots, probably more but that’s just from when I ran into you,” he says, and it’s not fair that Jongin still finds his deep voice so smooth and nice. “And then you hooked up with some chick in the men’s room, and I brought you back home, but you tried to sleep in the hallway, because you didn’t want your dogs to see you. So I was nice, and moved you to my couch.”

“I… what?’ Jongin asks, eyes widening despite how much it ached to do so. “I hooked up with somebody?”

The guy smirks. “She was pretty hot. You’ve got good taste, at least.”

Jongin covers his mouth, blanching and staring at the guy in shock.

“What?”

“I had sex last night?”

“Huh? No, idiot, you made out with her and got like half a handjob,” he says, bright, wide eyes laughing at Jongin.

Jongin hugs his arms around his torso, curling up again. He supposes he should feel relief, but his head hurts too much for any positive emotions right now.

“What’s on your mind, soulmate?”

The word stings. “Ex-soulmate. I don’t even know your name,” Jongin grumbles amidst his self-pity.

“Huh. Could’ve sworn I told you at one point or other,” the guy says. “I’m Kyungsoo. And it’s not really  _ ex-soulmate _ . That’s like saying ex-father or something. You can disown, and not acknowledge anymore, but it won’t change what they are to you.”

“You’re not my dad.”

“Aww, no daddy kink?” Kyungsoo’s smirk reappears. “Probably for the best you pulled the thread then.”

Jongin sneaks another glance down at his hand and then over at Kyungsoo’s. Still nothing.

“What?” Kyungsoo says, and Jongin notes the interest in his voice again.

“Is it because… I’m a guy?” Jongin asks. Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow at him in question, but doesn’t say anything. “Is that why… you hated me so much? Were you hoping for a girl instead?” That’d be understandable. Some people are just more narrow-minded.

Kyungsoo watches him for a few seconds before snorting, and the smile that follows shouldn’t look so nice, but it still does. He lets out a long sigh, staring at the coffee table for a while before finally glancing back up. “You could’ve been the hottest guy _ or _ girl on the planet, filthy rich, and wanting to throw money at me, and I still would’ve told you to fuck off. It’s nothing personal.”

Jongin stares in disbelief. “...It sure  _ feels _ personal.”

“I told you from day one: the string doesn’t mean shit. It means you get a title, but that’s it. It  _ obviously _ didn’t mean we would fall in love at first sight. You get to choose.”

“So did I just get the Soulmate Special? Or do you always  _ choose _ to be a cruel asshole? Is that why you’re alone?”

“Ouch, kitty’s got claws,” Kyungsoo smirks, giving him an amused look. “That’s what I get for rescuing you from losing your virginity to some random stranger against a nasty urinal.”

Jongin takes another cautious sip of water, feeling his stomach churn. “Why did you?”

“Rescue you?”

“You said you don’t believe in soulmates. Why did you care, if you’re against all of that?”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and leans against the arm of the chair. “Your first time can still be special. Mine wasn’t a mind blowing experience, but like… whenever I look back on it, I don’t need to go get wasted to forget the pain or anything. It was a positive memory.”

“How was your first time?” Jongin finds himself asking.

“That’s kind of personal, isn’t it?” Kyungsoo retorts, crooking a thick eyebrow.

“I was your soulmate,” Jongin says. “I think I can ask something like that. Especially since you offered to f—to have sex less than five minutes after meeting me in a public park.”

“I wouldn’t have done it,” Kyungsoo shrugs.

Jongin narrows his eyes.

“Well. Maybe. Depends,” Kyungsoo says, smiling as he stares up at his ceiling.

“...On what?” Jongin asks.

“How pretty you looked naked.”

“I look pretty good naked.”

“Look at you,” Kyungsoo smirks, “all confident and talking about sex and everything. Wanna go see if soulmate sex will make fireworks go off?”

Jongin sneers at him. “Why do you keep calling me that. We’re not anymore.”

“Because I forget your name sometimes,” Kyungsoo shrugs again, “and it’s fun to say. It’s still just a word. Someone along the way combined two really dramatic words, but that’s it. It just means what you want it to mean. I don’t weigh it down with emotional value.”

“Your logic makes no sense. If it was just a word, then how could I pull the thread?”

“I don’t know,” Kyungsoo answers, growing irritated, and Jongin catches him glancing down at Jongin’s hand quickly. “It’s a magic string. Who knows why it does whatever it does? But we still have free will. We get to choose what happens. I mean, you got to choose to break it, didn’t you?”

“So you’re just going to keep calling me soulmate to piss me off? Is that it?”

“You’re the one who wanted to be acknowledged and all that.”

—

Kyungsoo is not panicking. He’s not. He just really needs to know what this means, and if there are consequences. Like, is one of them going to die now something? Is it like a wishbone? Both of their threads vanished yesterday. And this morning, he woke up to the red thread rolled back up around his ring finger. He ran out into the living room and almost yanked the kid off the couch to check his hand. Nothing. Did Kyungsoo take all of it? Is this kid going to die? What does it mean if you lose your soulmate? You die, right? Is  _ he _ going to die?

He busied himself with cooking breakfast, and the kid still hasn’t woken up. He was breathing. Maybe his breathing was too shallow. No, that seems normal. Kyungsoo resists checking his pulse.

It’s the frayed end that gets him. Why does it look so ominous? It could just be… blunt or something. Could he snip off that side? Kyungsoo attempts to pick at it and gets nothing for his efforts. Shit.

Maybe he’s panicking a little bit. Maybe there’s some old guy in the sky watching if anyone dares to go against him, and is in a smiting mood today. The kid can go fuck off with his naive dreams of true love, but Kyungsoo doesn’t want him to  _ die _ .

Or fuck some stranger in a nasty public bathroom, as he tells him. Because that’d just be a bad first experience. And nobody should have that. But Kyungsoo doesn’t care. He’s just being a good samaritan.

The kid—Jongin—whatever. He keeps looking down at his finger, but he doesn’t comment on it, and Kyungsoo can’t tell if he’s just missing the thread, or if he’s actually  _ missing the thread _ .

They trundle over to the kitchen to eat, and Kyungsoo catches himself watching Jongin’s butt again as he walks. He drags his hands over his eyes, pressing his palms into his lids. Not this one. This one carries baggage. And probably wouldn’t want to anyway. Kyungsoo saw to that.

He bumps into a wall. A soft wall that reaches out and grabs his waist. Kyungsoo lowers his hands to find Jongin trying to stay balanced by clinging to him. He steps back and lets go almost immediately, leaving the warmth lingering on Kyungsoo’s skin despite the layer of clothes in between. It’s been over a month since he’s gotten laid, but it absolutely cannot be with this dumb kid. Even without the soulmate baggage, there’d still be the first time baggage.

“Sorry,” Jongin mutters, shuffling away to the stove.

“There’s rice in the cooker, and then eggs and kimchi,” Kyungsoo says, in lieu of an actual apology.  _ He’s _ the one who walked into Jongin, to be fair.

They eat in silence, and it’s  _ unbearable _ . He’s dying to know, but Jongin looks moments away from bursting into tears the entire time. He doesn’t look like he’s ready to keel over though, especially after the pain relievers and some food. Just tired. That should be a good sign. Kyungsoo just doesn’t feel all that reassured.

“So,” Kyungsoo hazards, going for casual, “do you miss it?”

Jongin lifts his head to look at him, a cute little confused expression on his face. “Miss what?”

Kyungsoo wiggles the fingers on his left hand. “The thread.”

Jongin’s face falls, and Kyungsoo barely gets to regret his word choices before the boy is storming back into the living room to grab his shoes and walk toward the front door.

“Hey, wait!” Kyungsoo yells, rushing after him.

“Thanks for letting me stay here,” Jongin says shakily, opening the door. “And for breakfast.”

“I wasn’t trying to rub it in,” Kyungsoo says, but Jongin is already out and crossing the hall to his own door.

Jongin gets his apartment unlocked, and the damn dogs are scratching and yipping on the other side already, but he whirls around to glare at Kyungsoo with watery eyes. “How long is your lease here?”

“Why?”

“You just moved in, right?” Jongin asks. “How long is your lease?”

Kyungsoo furrows his brows. “Uhh… a year?”

Jongin turns back around and sticks his foot out to wedge into the door to keep the little monsters from escaping.

“Wait, why?”

“Mine ends in two months. You can try to go that long without being such an asshole, right?”

_ Slam _ .

Well, dammit. Maybe Kyungsoo  _ is _ an asshole.

—

Junmyeon finally has time to visit him this weekend, and Jongin is so excited, he runs down to the elevator to wait for him to come up. It slides open, and he nearly tackles his older brother in a big bear hug, getting a chuckle and the life squeezed out of him in return. Someone clears their throat, and Jongin looks over to see Kyungsoo watching them with an annoyed look on his face before stepping to the side and walking to his apartment. Fine. He lets Junmyeon loop his arm over his shoulder and leads them back to his own door, resolutely ignoring Kyungsoo as he fiddles with his keys.

“How long are you staying?” he asks eagerly.

“As long as you need,” Junmyeon answers, ruffling his hair as they walk inside.

Jongin leaves out the part where his neighbor is his former soulmate, but he tells Junmyeon everything else, including waking up to find the frayed thread back on his finger. His brother seems like he can’t decide if that warrants a sad or concerned face, and the odd combination of both makes him look constipated.

“Maybe you should move back home,” Junmyeon suggests as he plays with Jjangah’s ears. “Go see a doctor, make sure everything is okay. I’ll look into it, but I’ve never heard of anything like that.”

Jongin purses his lips. Of course the first thing Junmyeon suggests would be to tuck tail and run. He met his soulmate practically the day after he got his thread, and has been doting on her ever since. He wouldn’t have any idea what to do about this.

“My lease ends soon,” Jongin mumbles begrudgingly.

“Do you feel okay though? Like mentally and physically?” Junmyeon is a worry wart. Maybe Jongin shouldn’t have begged him to come, but he’s just had his dogs for company lately, and he keeps running into Kyungsoo multiple times every day, and he just can’t deal with this on his own.

“I’m fine. Just bummed,” he answers.

“And that’s totally understandable,” Junmyeon says patiently, and Jongin can feel the impending speech. “But it’s fine if you don’t have a soulmate.  _ Plenty _ of people never even meet theirs, and they get along just fine in life. There are lots of successful and happy people—”

How many times must he hear the same platitudes over and over? “But i  _ did _ meet him. And he didn’t want me. That’s why I pulled it.”

That trips Junmyeon up a little, but he pushes forth. “And that’s no different from people who never meet theirs, or who do, and their soulmate dies or moves on. It’s okay, you’re no less of a person—”

“Wow, that didn’t even occur to me until you said it. Thanks.”

“Stop sulking,” Junmyeon says, although his voice is still gentle. “I’m sorry about what happened. But you still have plenty of people who love you. You still have your whole life ahead of you, and I just wanted to make sure you’re not going to do something stupid.”

“What kind of stupid?”

Junmyeon gives him a look.

“I’m not going to kill myself, if that’s what you’re suggesting.”

“I wasn’t,” Junmyeon totally lies. Badly. “But that’s good to know—”  _ Knock knock _ .

“I don’t wanna get up,” Jongin says. He is already laying on the couch with the other two dogs padding around on his back.

Junmyeon sighs and scoops Jjangah under his arm, walking briskly over to the door and opening it.

—

So there are a few possibilities that Kyungsoo has been considering:

One, the kid just hired a really high end prostitute.

Two, the kid was dating someone this whole time, and the shit stain just pulled a Chanyeol and tried to jump right into his arms the moment he saw the red thread meet up, and now he’s just running back to this fool.

Three, no really, if he pulled a chanyeol, Kyungsoo’s going to deck him. And the guy deserves to know.

He’s across the hall and knocking before he finishes stringing together his confrontation speech. The door swings open, and Kyungsoo is face to face with the attractive guy in the elevator again, one of the fur beasts tucked under his arm. It’s sickeningly domestic. This sap. Not a prostitute then. Pity, that really was the best option.

“Did you order food, hyung?” he can hear Jongin ask from further in the room. Ugh.

“No,” the man before him says, giving Kyungsoo a puzzled, but friendly smile. “Can I help you?”

Well, shit, he wasn’t ready yet. “Who are you?” Kyungsoo blurts out. “Are you his boyfriend?”

The man blinks several times and then narrows his eyes. “Who are  _ you _ ?”

“I’m his soulmate,” Kyungsoo announces, “and if you’re—”

The man grabs him by the shirt collar and yanks him inside. Kyungsoo stumbles to regain his balance, and spins around just in time to see the man prowling forward. “ _ You _ did this to him?”

“What the hell?” Jongin asks behind him.

“You broke his heart, you asshole!” the guy shouts, advancing with every step Kyungsoo backtracks.

“He didn’t break my heart!” Jongin argues, appearing beside Kyungsoo a moment later. “I don’t even know him! Why did you pull him in here, I don’t—”

“You  _ hurt _ him, at least,” the guy says, and he’s bulky as fuck, so Kyungsoo doesn’t think he could take him on if the dude loses it. “What kind of crappy person are you?”

“Junmyeon, don’t,” Jongin steps between them, pushing the guy back, hand on the center of his chest. “Just… go lie down or something. Please. Let me take care of this.”

Junmyeon glares daggers at Kyungsoo, who is still reeling from being tossed into the room so easily, he actually manages some bewildered silence until the guy storms off with one last warning look.

Jongin still hasn’t turned around to look at him. He can see the tension in the kid’s shoulders. “So he knows about us, and he’s cool with it,” Kyungsoo surmises.

“Did that seem like he was cool with it to you?” Jongin asks, finally turning around a little.

Okay, so one of those guys who blames the other person instead of their actual partners for cheating. What a tool. “He looks like he has anger issues—”

“What are you doing here?” Jongin interjects.

“Um, your boyfriend manhandled me and  _ threw _ me in here.”

“He’s—You—” Jongin gives him an incredulous look and lets out an exasperated sigh. “What do you want.”

Well, if his boyfie already knows, that kind of takes the wind out of Kyungsoo’s sails. “Nothing,” he says. “But the lease rules are if you have guests staying overnight, you have to fill out a form. You said you’re moving out soon. I didn’t want you to lose your deposit.”

Jongin stares at him, as if trying to debate whether that was feigned concern or a thinly veiled threat.

“Just… being a good neighbor,” Kyungsoo says, showing himself out. “Later.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.4k

Jongin knows his older brother couldn’t stay for long. He has work obligations, and his own picture-perfect relationship with his perfect soulmate to maintain. He forces a not-entirely-reluctant Junmyeon out of his apartment at the end of the weekend. And then he’s alone with just his babies for company again.

Naturally, he runs into Kyungsoo again when he takes out the trash.

“Why’d boyfie leave?”

Jongin gives up on trying to force the bag into the overfilled trash chute to whirl around and give his best glare. “Are you jealous? Is that what this is right now? What the hell is wrong with you?”

Kyungsoo’s eyes widen in surprise. He opens his mouth, but Jongin’s not done.

“No. I waited for you. I was willing to do anything. And you kept rejecting me over and over again. Fine. But now that it’s done, it’s like  _ you _ keep following me around, and I just can’t  _ take _ this anymore.”

“Who says I’m following you around?” Kyungsoo asks airily, puffing up his chest and looking indignant. “I have trash to take out too.”

Jongin’s eyes water too readily around him. This jerk. This asshole. He ducks his head down and swipes angrily, trying to conceal his sniffles.

“I just wanted to know how ‘Roids Man was—”

“Jongin clenches his hands into fists. “He’s my  _ brother _ . Is that better now? He’s my older brother, and he came to check up on me, because fate has a sick sense of humor and stuck me with some  _ asshole _ , and now I have nobody.” He turns back around and angrily tries to cram his trash through.

“Here,” Kyungsoo says, stepping around him, “you just have to jiggle it loose—”

“I can do it myself,” Jongin barks, blocking his way. “Leave me alone.”

Surprisingly, Kyungsoo doesn’t fight. He steps back and stays the entire time Jongin wrestles with the stubborn chute until it finally loosens and he can drop his bag through. No snide comments. No anything. He even looks penitent as Jongin storms past.

They meet again a few days later in the same park of their first, fated encounter. In nearly the same spot. Monggu walks right up to Kyungsoo and sniffs at him with interest. Kyungsoo scowls at the poodle until he glances up and recognizes Jongin, who had been debating whether to stop and have an awkward, irritating conversation/fight, or to press on and have an awkward encounter where he pretends he never saw him.

“Funny seeing you here, huh?” Kyungsoo asks with a smile. Well, can’t pretend now.

“Yeah,” Jongin mutters, trying to choke up on the leashes to keep his babies from entangling another passerby.

“What do you think it means that we still bump into each other without the thread?” Kyungsoo asks.

Jongin shrugs, staring down at the moving furballs. It’s hard to look at him. It hurts to look at him. “It doesn’t mean anything. It just means we live close to this park.”

“Since when did you turn into such a pessimist?”

“Since you.”

“Ouch,” Kyungsoo holds a hand up to his chest, over his heart. “Was that necessary?”

Jongin looks up into his face, watching Kyungsoo lift his brows in question. “It’s just the truth,” he mumbles, although now he feels bad about it.

“What happens if we keep running into each other?” Kyungsoo asks, side-stepping to avoid another curious sniff from Jjangah.

Jongin reaches down to redirect Jjangu’s path around his legs so he has more leash to walk. He stands back up and shrugs. “You don’t have to worry about that for much longer. I found a place for when my lease is up, and it’s nowhere near here.”

“Where?”

He wins the staring contest. Kyungsoo looks away and steps in the opposite direction this time, fighting off a newly freed Jjangu now. “I was just making conversation.”

“You don’t have to,” Jongin says, anxious to walk away to relieve this pressure in his chest. “Actually, it’s better that you don’t. You were right. We don’t know each other. We’re just strangers. Barely neighbors. And I’ll be moving out soon. No need to pretend.”

“Neighbors can still talk to each other, even when one’s moving away,” Kyungsoo argues.

Jongin reigns Monggu back in, gathering all three pups close and adjusting the leashes. He takes a deep breath and tries to get through the next words steadily, avoiding eye contact. It’s already too much. “I still like you, okay? It doesn’t just go away. I had waited for you my whole life. I was ready…” He keeps his gaze on his feet and starts walking in the opposite direction again. “So please, just leave me alone.”

—

The next several weeks pass by simultaneously too slow and way too fast for Kyungsoo. He keeps hearing those words play back throughout the day, seemingly on repeat.  _ ‘I still like you, okay? It doesn’t just go away.’ _ It’s not like he chooses to, it just rattles around in his head constantly.  _ ‘I had waited for you my whole life. I was ready…’ _

They still run into each other. Whether it’s just because they’re next door neighbors, and that’s just statistics, or there’s a greater force, he doesn’t know. He just knows it happens a lot. The string around his finger stays the same, just a simple red thread, looped several times around his ring finger, both ends dangling down, one end frayed.

Jongin has given up on trying to ignore him whenever they meet now, opting instead to nod and say a curt “hi” before carrying on with his day as quickly as possible. It’s irritating, and Kyungsoo can’t quite decide why it bothers him so much, when this is all he wanted in the first place. Maybe because he had to wait so long for him to finally behave this way. This whole mess could’ve been avoided if he just acted like a normal person, instead of channeling his stupid, nosy dogs.

Their whole building had to evacuate after a fire alarm went off, and Kyungsoo manages to convince a very frazzled Jongin to huddle under his umbrella so he can soothe the little fur beasts in his arms as the rain comes down heavier on them, beating against the umbrella.

Their eyes meet, and Jongin even returns his smile with a small one of his own before going back to trying to juggle all three, squirming, anxious dogs in his hands. Kyungsoo would offer to help, but then he’d have to touch them. And someone has to hold the umbrella. Their arms touch, and Jongin jolts away immediately, muttering an apology.

“S’okay,” Kyungsoo says, trying to pack as much casual sincerity into it as he can.

Jongin jumps as thunder crackles loudly overhead, their arms making contact again. His skin is warm despite the harsh wind picking up. “Shh, it’s okay, babies,” he coos to the whimpering furballs.

“Probably hard to find another place that’d accept dogs, huh?” Kyungsoo says.

Jongin looks reluctant to acknowledge him. “Yeah. Deposit was ridiculous, actually.”

“I don’t mind if you stay here, you know,” Kyungsoo says. “You were here first, anyway.”

“I already paid,” Jongin says. “But thanks.”

Someone announces that it was just some kid pulling a prank, and the mass lets out a collective, soggy groan as everyone starts shuffling back inside.

Kyungsoo doesn’t realize until he’s in the full elevator that Jongin is standing back and waiting for the next one. He’s tempted to step out, wants to step out, but can’t think of a good excuse for doing so. It occurs to him as the doors slide close that that was probably the first civil conversation they’ve had with each other. It didn’t go half bad.

Three weeks until move out day, Kyungsoo stares at the cardboard box before him. There’s no way he can finish a whole pizza. Why did he order an entire pizza. Maybe Jongin would want some of it.

He’s balancing the box against his hip with one hand and knocking the door with the other. Half a minute goes by with no response and he tries again. No fur beasts sniffing either. Jongin probably went for a walk. He opens his own door briefly to slide the pizza back inside, and goes back into the hallway, examining Jongin’s door again. Something feels off.

“Did you want to switch apartments?” the landlady asks. He didn’t even notice her stepping out of the elevator.

“What?”

“The boy in that apartment moved out early,” she says, walking up to Jongin’s door and unlocking it to show that it’s cleared out inside. “You can switch if you like.”


	4. Chapter 4

Jongin slings his bag over his shoulder and double-checks that the leashes are attached to his pups’ collars. He takes one last look around his apartment and sighs. Three years of memories here. It was a great place. Nothing particularly special, but it fit him well and was affordable. He lets the door shut behind him, turning to look at Kyungsoo’s. Maybe he should leave a note or something...

No. Fuck him. He wouldn't care anyway. He'd make fun of him.

Over the next few weeks, it’s possible he’s seen Kyungsoo a couple of times when he’s out and about, but Jongin basically does a 180° and takes off before he has a chance to confirm it. He’s suppose to be moving on. It wasn’t a relationship. It wasn’t really even a  _ crush _ . It should be easy to move on from. Except that was his soulmate, so it’s a little more difficult than it should be, but other than that, he’s just a person Jongin can put in his rearview mirror.

It’s kind of freeing actually, to not have a soulmate. To not have to worry about finding one or impressing them or waiting for them, and just living. But he’s always reminded of it, every new person he meets, every tv commercial, every movie; the world revolves around the idea of soulmates, and not being whole until you find yours. Kyungsoo was right about that at least. People are dumb.

—

No. That is definitely him. Kyungsoo has been watching for the last minute now, and that’s definitely him. How funny. He walks over and pulls out the chair opposite of Jongin, planting himself in it and smirking at the surprised face.

“Sup?”

Jongin blinks several times before his mouth finally works. “Hi, Kyungsoo,” he says, voice and face neutral.

“You know, if you were trying to  _ not  _ make me feel special, maybe you should’ve tried  _ not  _ going out of your way to hide from me,” Kyungsoo says, canting his head to the side. “It’s not like we weren’t bound to bump into each other again.”

Jongin shrugs and looks around anxiously.

“This is the part where you argue that we’re not bound,” Kyungsoo suggests gently.

“That’s your line, actually,” Jongin says, pushing his hair out of his face and looking down at the menu, as if he expects the conversation has ended and Kyungsoo will just be walking away. His hair has actually grown out long enough now that it covers his eyes. He looks all soft and fluffy. It’s adorable.

“Never thought I’d run into you here though. How about I treat you to lunch? It’s been a while,” Kyungsoo says.

Jongin doesn’t return his smile. He has an odd expression on his face as he watches Kyungsoo and then his eyes shift upward and follow a man who walks into view and bends over to plant a kiss right on Jongin’s lips before straightening up and turning to face Kyungsoo. “Hey babe, who’s this?” he asks, taking in Kyungsoo’s shocked face as he sits down in the seat next to Jongin.

“He’s-” Jongin looks over at him and furrows his brows, dropping his gaze to the tablecloth. “He was a neighbor at my old place.”

Kyungsoo feels his face warming up as Jongin introduces him to Sehun. Sehun, his boyfriend. His boyfriend who is casually sizing Kyungsoo up and concluding that he is not a threat. “Cool,” he says, interrupting Sehun saying something about traffic. “So how long have you two been together?”

Jongin gives him a wary look. “A couple of months now,” he says.

“Are you two good friends?” Sehun asks, glancing over at him again. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I remember Jongin ever mentioning you, but my memory isn’t the greatest.”

Kyungsoo is too busy staring at the couple’s interlocked fingers to notice that the table had gone silent. Jongin clears his throat and Kyungsoo looks up to him saying something about how they only knew each other briefly because he came in right as Jongin was leaving the complex.

“Right,” Kyungsoo says, pushing his chair back and standing up. The chair screeches loudly as it skids across the floor. His face feels numb. “Yeah, we were just neighbors. I gotta go. Uh…” He peeks at Jongin, who actually looks kind of concerned right now, and nods as he turns away. “I have things. And stuff. Uh, bye.”

He should feel happy. Or rather, he should feel nothing. Kyungsoo should feel nothing. He stumbles as he walks out of the restaurant, feeling lightheaded. Should’ve eaten. He should eat. At home. He trips and blunders several more times until he makes it back to his apartment. He doesn’t love Jongin. He doesn’t even know him. He wasn’t even ‘his’ neighbor, just ‘a’ neighbor. It was just embarrassing, sitting down on someone else's date. That’s all. But his chest stays balled up tight until he finally manages to fall asleep.

—

Kyungsoo snarls as the bus drives off without him. It’s going to be at least half an hour before the next bus arrives, and he is in no mood to be stuck outside right now. The covered bus stop was completely packed, with people lining what little overhang remained outside of it.

A little brown ball of fuzz walks up and sits next to him. Kyungsoo stares at it. It stares back at Kyungsoo, panting happily with its little tongue hanging out. He steps in the opposite direction and immediately bumps into an older lady, who launches into a very loud diatribe on young people needing to stay the fuck out of her damn way if they don’t wanna catch no hands today.

The dog paws on top of his newly cleaned white shoes as he steps back, and Kyungsoo tries to shake it off. He scowls as it looks like it’s smiling at him. Mocking him. 

It looks just like one of Jongin’s mongrels, he suddenly remembers. Jongin, who he hasn’t spoken to since the restaurant, weeks ago. They saw each other at a grocery store about two weeks back, and it seems they are now going back to ignoring each other’s existence. He would bet good money if Jongin found this dog, he’d be squealing all over it and going collar shopping right now. Kyungsoo looks down to find the dog had wandered off toward the busy street. Nobody seemed to notice, or if they did, they didn’t care.

Shit.

He may not like dogs, but he’s not  _ heartless _ . Kyungsoo grimaces as he chases after it and picks the little furball up, holding it as far away from his body as possible. It probably has fleas. And mange or something. Where the hell can he put this thing so it won’t go and try to kill itself…

Someone screams, and if it weren’t for the odd familiarity he felt, he would’ve ignored it, but Kyungsoo turns toward that direction and almost gets tackled.

—

Jongin is a hair away from losing it and bursting into tears. Monggu had slipped his collar and gotten loose on their walk, and now Jongin can’t find him anywhere. There were people everywhere, but more importantly, there were  _ cars  _ everywhere. He’s got his other two babies to take care of too, and can’t risk racing up to his apartment to drop them off.

Every time he hears a car honk, his heart drops. Every time he hears a person shout, he takes off toward that direction. It’s been almost twenty minutes now, and he’s not even sure he’s going the right way. The wind was starting to pick up and the clouds were darkening, planning to make good on their threats.

Jongin turns a corner and spots a very familiar brown lump in the crowd. He takes off toward it, flanked by two eager miniature poodles who narrowly avoid tripping the crowd as they cut through it. It’s not until he’s only several feet away when he recognizes the person holding it, nearly tackling Kyungsoo to the ground with his momentum.

“Oh thank god,” he shouts, scooping Monggu back into his arms and practically flinging himself on Kyungsoo in relief. “Thank you, thank you, oh my god, thank you.”

Kyungsoo gives him a comforting pat on the back and a sob slips from Jongin’s lips. “Hey,” Kyungsoo coos when Jongin pulls back. “It’s okay. Look, he’s fine. Or she? It’s fine. See?”

The sky opens up above them. It’s a hard rain, instantly plastering Kyungsoo’s hair against his forehead, no doubt the same for Jongin as he tries to shield the pup in his hands as the other two huddle close to his legs. He feels a hand on his waist, and he allows Kyungsoo to guide him to a building. There are too many people packed under it already, and Jongin finally comes to his senses enough to lift the other two dogs up before they get trampled, tucking them all into his jacket.

“Thank you,” he repeats, hiccuping as his body finally starts processing that the danger is over.

“I didn’t even know it was your dog,” Kyungsoo admits. His hand is still on Jongin’s side, pressing him closer to the building, which left Kyungsoo exposed to more of the rainfall.

“He slipped out of his collar and I didn’t notice until he had taken off because I was untangling Jjangah from a tree,” Jongin rambles, squeezing them tighter in his jacket. “I thought he was going to get hit.”

“He didn’t though, look, he’s fine,” Kyungsoo says, looking down at Jongin’s jacket. “I don’t remember which one he is, but look, they’re all fine.”

That gets a short chuckle from Jongin, his nerves finally settling. Kyungsoo’s having to blink away the rain washing over his face pretty regularly, he notices. “Uhh,” Jongin drawls, taking in where they actually were. “I actually live like...a block from here. Like literally, I live right over there. We can get out of the rain?”

Kyungsoo stares at him for a moment before responding. “Yeah, that’d be great.”

—

Their shoes don’t even squeak against the tile as they walk. Their clothes are so drenched by the time they make it to Jongin’s floor that the only sounds they make are just wet flops. There’s some difficulty when they finally get into his apartment. Having to wrangle three wet dogs and pry off wet shoes and socks at the same time is a feat.

Jongin has made a pretty sizeable puddle by the time Kyungsoo goes into the kitchen after he’s toweled off and changed. Jongin is still in his clothes from earlier, too busy drying off the dogs first, paying extra attention to the wayward pup and mumbling under his breath to it.

“You’re gonna get a cold if you don’t hurry up and change,” Kyungsoo says, smiling as Jongin jumps a little in surprise and the dog breaks free to take off down the hall. 

Jongin stands up and drops the used towel to the ground, mopping up the puddle. He looks lost for a couple of seconds before snapping out of it and nodding, walking into the hall. The place is nice. It’s a little bigger than his apartment. Newer. Kyungsoo drops onto the couch, looking around at the decorations. Kid’s got pretty simple taste. Nothing terrible though. Thunder shakes the building as the rain somehow manages to come down harder.

“Are you hungry?” Jongin asks as he comes back, dressed in a black tee and too-short grey sweatpants. He’s bouncing a little on the balls of his feet. Nervous? “I’m not a great cook, but I can make rice and eggs at least.”

“No, I’m fine,” Kyungsoo says.

Jongin gestures at the window. “You can’t exactly go anywhere,” he says. “Do you want some food?”

They end up compromising, with Kyungsoo cooking while Jongin makes the rice. The power goes out, but Jongin has a little countertop butane burner and apparently a bunch of candles and lanterns. It’s a little sketchy at one point with all the little dogs running around underfoot and him trying to avoid stepping on them. Kyungsoo catches himself watching Jongin’s face from the glow of his phone as he types away on it. He nearly burns the mackerel and has to scrape the pan to dislodge it.

“So are you and dude still together?” Kyungsoo asks when Jongin finally puts the phone away and stands by to help.

“Sehun,” Jongin supplies. “Yeah, I just texted him.”

There’s an awkward silence as Kyungsoo forgets to stir the tomato sauce again. “What about you?” Jongin asks.

“Nah,” Kyungsoo says, shrugging as he watches the pan. “You’ve been together for a while now, huh?”

“Yeah, it’ll be six months in a couple weeks,” Jongin mumbles.

“Congratulations,” Kyungsoo says dully, moving the pan to a trivet and filling a small pot with water. He clears his throat after. “So he doesn’t know about me?”

“I, uh, I didn’t see the point,” Jongin says.

“So when he talks about soulmates, you say...what, exactly?”

Jongin shrugs. “I say it’s not important to me. I don’t need to find mine.”

Kyungsoo leans back on the counter as he waits for the water to boil. “That’s lying by omission.”

Jongin looks at him. “It’s not like I’m purposely concealing some dark secret. We’re not each other’s soulmates, so we just don’t really talk about it.”

“So you’re not a virgin anymore, huh?” Kyungsoo asks.

Jongin blinks and recovers. “Why? Not as shiny looking to you?”

“Don’t bite,” Kyungsoo says, holding his hands up. “I was just making conversation.” He strains out the rice from the dead cooker and dumps it into the pot, putting the lid on.

“Sorry,” Jongin eventually says, looking down at the counter.

“Don’t be. I deserve it sometimes,” Kyungsoo admits. Another awkward lull. “So how was it then?”

Jongin lifts his brows, giving him an incredulous look. “How was what?”

“Your first time,” Kyungsoo says, adding quickly, “You asked me that. It’s only fair now that you can actually answer.”

Jongin stares for several seconds before cracking a shy smile, looking away again. “It hurt,” he says.

“Shoulda topped for first time,” Kyungsoo says, canting his head to catch Jongin’s eye.

“I guess I forgot to consult the gay sex handbook,” Jongin says with a small smirk.

“You’ll never get your member rewards card filled at this rate,” Kyungsoo quips. Their eyes meet as Jongin laughs. Chortles, really. It’s musical and ridiculous and makes his whole face light up.

“What do you get when your gay card is full?” Jongin asks.

“I think you can redeem it for a free wax n’ bleach at participating salons,” Kyungsoo says, giggling along with Jongin at his dumb joke. The rice is ready shortly after, and they plate together. It feels strange, speaking so easily with Jongin. Making jokes and actually laughing with each other. He almost doesn’t even notice little paws on his calves and little fuzzy faces begging for scraps.

The power comes back on just as they sit down to eat. Kyungsoo steps toward the window and takes a look outside. It’s still pouring pretty hard.

“Do you have to be somewhere?” Jongin asks.

“Not really,” Kyungsoo answers. “But I don’t want to overstay my welcome…”

“Don’t be dumb,” Jongin says, sitting down at the small table. “Come eat.  _ You _ cooked all of it.”

“So tell me about dude bro,” Kyungsoo says several quiet minutes into dinner.

“Sehun,” Jongin corrects, clicking his tongue in admonishment. “He’s really great. Should be a spoiled rich kid, but he’s really sweet. Junior lawyer at a pretty good firm.”

“How’d you two meet?” Kyungsoo asks.

Jongin lets out a puff of air. “Funny story, actually. I met him when I was moving my stuff into here. Suitcase fell over on the street, and all my stuff came tumbling out. He helped me. Asked me out later.”

“I didn’t even get a ‘bye’ or anything,” Kyungsoo says suddenly, remembering. He looks up to see Jongin staring back. “What?”

“I assumed you wouldn’t care,” Jongin says. He shrugs and looks down at his plate, poking at his food. 

“My momma always said to never assume,” Kyungsoo spits out petulantly, although he squirms when Jongin looks back at him, eyebrows raised again. “Anyway, another funny story. I actually work like maybe a minute from here.”

“What?”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo says around a mouthful. “I walk by this apartment every day to get to the bus stop. Almost moved into here when I broke up with my ex, but they didn’t have any openings at the time, and the first place I found with any...was where I’m at now.”

“That’s funny,” Jongin mutters to his rice. He didn’t sound like he thought it was funny. “So what do you do anyway?”

“I’m not some fancy lawyer,” Kyungsoo says, withering at the look Jongin shoots at him. “I work at Boon, it’s a nice clothing store.” He’s met with silence and sighs. “What now?”

“You don’t look like you work at Boon…” Jongin says, pursing his lips.

“Um, I’m in  _ your  _ clothes right now, excuse you,” Kyungsoo says. “As for other times, I like being comfortable. You’ve only seen me in home clothes.” Jongin still looks doubtful. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and props his chin on his knuckles. “And what do  _ you _ do then, hmm?”

Jongin blinks in surprise. “I teach Kindergarten. Did we really never talk about this before?” His eyes glaze over, possibly sifting back through their, admittedly, rather scant conversations.

“That fits you so much,” Kyungsoo says, smiling.

“Why?”

He didn’t think Jongin would actually press on that. Kyungsoo shrugs. “I don’t know. It seemed appropriate. You’re...I don’t know. It’s not a bad thing. You seem like you’d be comfortable around little kids.”

“You don’t seem comfortable around anybody,” Jongin says, but there’s no heat in it. “You don’t like dogs, obviously. What do you actually like?”

Kyungsoo is about to answer, but stops as he takes in the look on Jongin’s face, his mouth closing with a click as he looks down at the table, then over at his left hand, the broken red thread around his finger. “I think these are first date questions, kid. Whether you think they are or not, I think if...I was in bro dude’s place, I wouldn’t be okay with it.”

“Sehun,” Jongin corrects quietly. He’s playing with his fingers. “I wasn’t trying-”

“Yeah, I know,” Kyungsoo says, pushing the chair back and standing up. “The rain’s eased up a bit though. I should get going.” It hasn’t, but Kyungsoo would rather brave the storm outside right now.

“Your clothes aren’t dry yet…” Jongin says. Kyungsoo looks down at the borrowed clothes. “I mean, if you’re in a rush, you could just wear mine. It’s not like we won’t just run into each other again.”

“Won’t you get in trouble with dude bro if he finds another man’s clothes in your apartment?” Kyungsoo asks.

“Why would I? We didn’t do anything.”

Kyungsoo huffs a laugh. “You’re still so naive…” The next thunder clap shakes the building, and the lights flicker briefly but stay on. “Just give me a bag to put it in. I’ll give your clothes back next time I see you.”

Jongin looks disappointed, but doesn’t protest. He just sighs and walks off, coming back with an umbrella in one hand and Kyungsoo’s clothes wrung out and stuffed into a plastic bag in the other.

“It’s really windy,” Kyungsoo says, accepting just the bag. “That’ll break within seconds. It’ll be okay.” They’re standing outside of the apartment now, door shut to keep the fur beasts from escaping.

“Thank you again, by the way,” Jongin says, looking down at his hands.

Kyungsoo shrugs, “Like I said, I didn’t even know it was your dog. No need to thank.”

“That logic makes no sense,” Jongin argues. “But you still saved him, and I’m really grateful.” He winces as thunder claps again, the harsh wind beating against the side of the buildings, making a tunneling whoosh sound. “I really don’t mind if you stay until the storm is over. It’s the least I could do.”

Kyungsoo manages a lopsided grin as he spins the bag to wrap around his fingers. “It would look bad.”

“You can still see your thread, can’t you?” Jongin blurts out.

“What?”

Jongin holds his left hand up, palm toward Kyungsoo. “Our thread. You can still see yours, right? You can’t see mine?”

He kind of assumed that topic was off-limits, but since Jongin brought it up. “Yeah...so you have one too then?”

Jongin nods, absently rubbing his ring finger with the ones on his other hand.

“Probably shouldn’t try any more tricks with it,” Kyungsoo suggests, looking down at Jongin’s bare fingers.

“I haven’t, but…” Jongin rubs his palms together, staring down at them as well. “It’s not like it could do anything else at this point.”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo mumbles, not knowing what else to say. There’s too much silence. “I’m gonna...I gotta go catch the bus before they stop for the night.” He gets a nod in response. “This was nice.” Another nod. He lets out a soft sigh and turns. This is too damn much. “I’ll see you around.”

There’s a little hesitation, but he hears a “Goodnight, Kyungsoo,” just as he turns the corner to head to the elevator.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, this chapter kind of....yeah. This is the direction I wanted it to go, but the writing is crap, and I'm sorry, but with all the stuff going on lately, it was either force myself to write and get something out to hopefully get things moving along, or...retreat further until I gave up. So here it is. I might go back and rewrite it so it's a little less...crappy, but...yeah there you go. And no, Jongin will not cheat on Sehun, in case anyone is wondering. I don't like cheater aus.


	5. Chapter 5

Kyungsoo smiles to himself as he steps forward in line. Fate sure is getting a little heavy-handed with them, and he’s found that if he pretends not to notice, it’ll just keep trying. This is the third day in a row now that he’s wound up behind Jongin at the coffee shop, ducking down at his phone when Jongin turns to leave. He’s not even sure why Jongin would still be going to this one after he’s moved, but Kyungsoo can be patient and wait to ask that some other day. In the meantime...Jongin has a  _ really  _ cute little butt and an affinity for tight pants.

Another step forward, and Kyungsoo trips a little, too busy staring. His phone slips right out of his hand, skidding across the floor. Jongin drops down to pick it up, turning to give it back and his eyes widen in surprise. Dammit, fate, why today? He didn’t shower this morning. He just wanted to creep on a pretty butt in private. 

“Kyungsoo,” Jongin says as he hands the phone over. 

“Morning,” Kyungsoo replies. He can feel his cheeks straining from the grin that blooms, but it’s really cute how Jongin’s mouth makes a little pout when he says ‘soo’, his lower lip jutting out unnecessarily. “What are you doing here?”

Jongin hesitates. “...Getting coffee?”

The line moves forward, and they step in sync. Kyungsoo nods. “Yeah, but like, you live way over on the other side of town now...that’s kind of a long way to go for coffee, no?”

“The bus stops here. I used to just walk to work every day,” Jongin mumbles, shrugging. “The school is two blocks away.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says. He feels guilty now, pushing Jongin out of his bubble and having to move away. He feels  _ more _ guilty now, rather.

Jongin plays with his fingers in silence, but must feel awkward and turns back around the next time the line moves forward. Kyungsoo can still see from an angle, his fingers twisting around his bare left ring finger.

It would’ve been cute, the two of them standing in line for coffee every morning, a little red thread dangling between them. Their little secret PDA.

Jongin reaches into his pocket to fish out his phone, looking down as he types into it. Kyungsoo squints. He can’t see the message, but he can make out the contact before Jongin puts the phone away: Sehun.

It’s just a crush. He’s a cute kid and Kyungsoo is feeling lonely and single. He’s just wanting what he can’t have. Coveting is a normal human emotion that one can easily overcome. Jongin would make such an annoying, needy, naive boyfriend anyway. He doesn’t have time or patience for something like that. Or his pack of fur beasts.

It’s just a crush. On his soulmate. ( _ Former _ soulmate, Jongin would jump in and argue, if he could hear.) Just crushing on the person supposedly made for him and vice versa.

He’s too busy wallowing to notice until Jongin’s already turned back, breakfast in hand and looking at him again. “Have a good morning,” he says softly.

“I-” Kyungsoo says too loudly, pausing and dropping his volume. “I didn’t bring your clothes.”

Jongin adjusts his grip on the little paper bag and gives him a friendly smile. “It’s okay. I’ll see you later, probably.”

—

“I’m gonna stop coming here if you keep paying for my breakfast,” Jongin says, giving Kyungsoo a weak shove for the smirk he gets.

“I’m older than you. I kind of have to,” is the response as they step to the side of the door.

“Uh, no you don’t. This isn’t an outing,” Jongin says. “That’s three days now. You won’t let me pay you back. It’s not fair.”

“Consider it payback for your clothes. I keep forgetting to bring them,” Kyungsoo says.

“Yeah, those clothes would’ve been paid off after the first time,” Jongin answers. “It was an old shirt and some sweatpants.”

Kyungsoo shrugs as he steps out, holding the door open. “Consider it an investment in Korea’s future then.”

“How is that?” Jongin asks.

“You’re teaching the kids who’ll be running the country when I’m old and grey,” Kyungsoo says, grinning as Jongin rolls his eyes. “They’d be better prepared with a well-fed teacher.”

“You have the weirdest logic,” Jongin says as they part ways, Kyungsoo to the bus stop and himself down the block. “Have a good morning.”

“You too!”

—

“Hey, I know you!” someone says, and Kyungsoo cocks an eyebrow at them only to drop his jaw right after.

“Hey Kyungsoo,” Jongin says, pulling on his boyfriend’s arm. 

“Oh, right! Your old neighbor. Hey man!” Sehun says, snapping his fingers at the recognition and holding his hand up in greeting.

“Hey...” Kyungsoo says, watching as they head over to the men’s shirts.

“I didn’t think you’d be working,” Jongin mutters. Kyungsoo shrugs in response.

“What about this one?” Sehun says, laying a white dress shirt against his chest. Jongin lifts the sleeve and his eyes bulge out. Sehun tugs it back and grins. “It’s my reward. I deserve something nice. We’re getting you something too.”

“Uh, no thanks,” Jongin says. “That shirt could feed me for a month.”

Sehun drags him off to the fitting room anyway. He’s practically strutting when he steps out, his broad shoulders stretching the shirt snugly across his chest. Kyungsoo tries not to sneer as Jongin gives a reluctant nod of approval, pulling Sehun’s arm toward him to examine the French cuffs. “See, it’s a slippery slope,” he says. “First, you get a $500 shirt, and then you have to get probably a $500 pair of cufflinks for it.”

“Some of them don’t cost that much,” Kyungsoo tells him, and Sehun gives a triumphant smirk at his words. “What’s the occasion?”

“I got to deliver the opening statement today in a case with two senior partners of the firm,” Sehun says, beaming proudly. “And I nailed it.”

“Cool,” Kyungsoo deadpans, looking away from Jongin’s pleased face.

“It’s literally just a plain dress shirt though,” Jongin huffs.

“No,” Sehun corrects. “It’s happiness. It just  _ looks _ like a plain shirt. And I’m going to wear it like everyday.”

“Ew,” Jongin says, crinkling his nose.

“Look around. We’re getting you something too.”

“I don’t want anything. This place is insane.”

“You’re going to hurt Kyungsoo’s feelings,” Sehun whines, glancing over to Kyungsoo for support. “We  _ have _ to get you something.”

“If it costs less than his shirt, will you feel better about it?” Kyungsoo asks.

“Please don’t tell me the cheapest thing here is a $400 t-shirt.” Jongin begs, and Kyungsoo involuntarily joins Sehun in a laugh at his expense.

“I’m gonna change back out,” Sehun says, heading back to the dressing room. “Go look around.”

“You look so different dressed up all nicely,” Jongin says, glancing over at Kyungsoo as he peruses the racks.

“Told you I clean up well,” Kyungsoo answers.

“Not hard to look good wrapped in a ton of money,” Jongin mutters, eyeing a jacket with disdain. He sticks his tongue out at Kyungsoo afterward.

“I bargain hunt, thank you,” Kyungsoo says, quickly wiping away the scowl that appears after Sehun returns. “Sugar daddy’s back.”

Jongin narrows his eyes. “He’s not- That’s not funny.”

“What’s not funny?” Sehun says, tossing an arm over Jongin’s shoulder.

Jongin rolls his eyes. “Kyungsoo thinks you’re my sugar daddy.”

“I  _ can _ be,” Sehun says, leering.

“Gross,” Jongin answers, shoving the arm off. “And you’re younger than me.”

“Will you call me Daddy?”

“I’m never calling you again if you don’t stop.”

“What about Oppa?”

“I’m deleting your number and downloading Tinder as we stand here.”

Kyungsoo feels his insides churn at the cute, suggestive couple banter in front of him. It’s impossible to tune them out though. Jongin looks positively jubilant, and it’s a really beautiful sight. They eventually remember he exists, and Kyungsoo blinks as he realizes they’re looking at him expectantly.

“Here,” Kyungsoo guesses, walking to a rack and pulling out a cream colored, cable knit sweater. “What about this one?”

Jongin reaches for the garment tag and Kyungsoo bats his hand away. “Go try it on. See if Daddy likes it.” That elicits a cackle from Sehun and Jongin glares at both of them before snatching the hanger and storming off to the fitting room with bright pink cheeks.

Kyungsoo follows and leans his weight against the door, nodding conspiratorially as Sehun raises an eyebrow in question.

“Oh, no way in hell!” comes a shout and the door bounces against his back.

“Just try it on,” Kyungsoo says in his best exasperated voice.

“This costs even more! Kyungsoo, let me out,” Jongin shouts.

“Just try it, babe,” Sehun adds through his giggles.

“It doesn’t cost anything to try it on,” Kyungsoo reminds him.

It takes another several minutes of arguing, but eventually Kyungsoo steps back to let Jongin out, sulking in the sweater.

“So we’re getting that,” Sehun says. “You look so cute. It’s not even up for debate.”

“We are not,” Jongin huffs, but he runs his hands down the soft fabric.

“It looks great on you,” Sehun argues.

“It looks better on you than the models,” Kyungsoo agrees.

“You don’t even know how much it costs,” Jongin says, pouting at Sehun.

“Costs less than his shirt after my employee discount,” Kyungsoo says, garnering another victorious laugh from Sehun.

“Can't beat that kind of service,” Sehun quips.

He knows Jongin’s tempted to say ‘You don’t have to’ but remembers that he’s not the one paying, so he’s stuck in a bind. Kyungsoo smiles at him as they go to the register and he takes Sehun’s card. “Don’t feel bad.  _ That _ is money well spent.”

“It is,” Sehun chimes in. “Kyungsoo's a good friend to have.”

“He colluded with you and trapped me in a fitting room,” Jongin says sulkily. “You two can have each other.”

Kyungsoo manages to make small talk for several more minutes before Jongin presses for them to leave. He heaves a sigh and bangs his head repeatedly against the counter. Who knew he was such a masochist.

—

**_Jongin:_ ** **_  
_ ** _ So tell me about the guy last night _

_ Not much to tell. It's just casual _

_ Nothing?? _

_ I don't even think I'm gonna see him again _

_ :C _

_ Why do you care? _

_ Because then we could do double dates! _

_ That sounds awful _

_ Your face sounds awful _ _   
_ _ I’m jk your face sounds angelic will you still watch the kids tomorrow? _

_ I’m gonna hold a puppy auction tomorrow, $0 reserve _

_ DO KYUNGSOO _

_ Or see how many puppies it takes to make my own cruella deville coat _

_ I WILL MURDER EVERYTHING YOU LOVE _

_ I bet it’ll be so warm and snuggly _ _   
_ _ I’ll even let you borrow it if you ask nicely _

_ YOU ARE A BAG OF POOP _

—

This shouldn't be his default mode. He shouldn't come running the moment he gets a text that says 'Soo come by please! I need help!’ This is not normal. Or healthy.

“I don't get why you can't just  _ buy  _ cupcakes,” Kyungsoo grumbles as he cracks an egg and drops it into the batter.

“That's exactly what I said,” Sehun adds from his perch on the couch.

Jongin’s jutting lower lip can be seen all the way from the sink where Kyungsoo's standing. “Because it's for their Halloween party. It's their first school party ever. It's special.” He grumbles as he tries to scrape the last of the melted, baked-in mess from his most recent efforts into the trash.

“Did you not do this for previous kindergarteners?” Kyungsoo asks, squinting at the mess on the countertop for the vanilla extract.

“I did, but it was cake mix…” Jongin whines. “I figured, it's barely different to make if it's from scratch, and it'd taste better.”

“It has nothing to do with the mix, dummy. You didn't line the pan.”

“You look so cute in your apron though, baby,” Sehun says, finally joining them in the kitchen. Kyungsoo hates agreeing with him, but he has no choice. Jongin looks adorable in the big blue apron. It has a bear print on it. Ridiculous.

“My kids got it for me,” Jongin explains, cheeks flushing. 

“I'm gonna head home. Come walk me out?” Sehun asks, hooking an arm around Jongin's waist. “I'll see you later, Soo! Thanks for helping!”

Kyungsoo nods and waves, not looking up from the bowl until they walk off. He shouldn't feel this way. He shouldn't feel jealous when he's going to bars and picking up someone new almost every night for the past couple weeks now. Someone who his inebriated self somehow always thinks looks enough like a certain bear apron-clad kindergarten teacher. At least until morning.

That someone comes skipping back into the kitchen, his shirt slipping to the side and revealing little red marks along the crook of his neck again. Kyungsoo glowers at the batter. “I wanna help too,” Jongin whines. “I don't want to make you do everything.”

“You can pour them into the cups then. They're ready,” Kyungsoo tells the batter grumpily..

“What is it?”

“I see Sehun stayed over last night,” he says, looking pointedly at Jongin's neck now.

Jongin claps a hand over his neck, flashing him an embarrassed smile. He squeals and pushes Kyungsoo to the side and taking over portioning out the batter into the lined pan. “You're one to talk,” he says, even as his cheeks pink. “You just never tell me about these lovely people you meet anymore.”

“I tell you about as much as I know,” Kyungsoo says, leaning back against the counter to watch. He loves concentrated Jongin. He can look as much as he wants.

“Minseok was nice though. I liked him. What happened with him?” Jongin asks, shaking the measuring cup to loosen the thick batter into place.

“Not my type,” Kyungsoo answers. Jongin was a fucking liar. Putting him in a room with Minseok was like putting a cat into water. He hated Minseok. And everyone else Kyungsoo ever dated. But it wouldn’t matter if they were his type. Kyungsoo might never date again. Double dates with Jongin and Sehun were torture.

“So what's your type?” Jongin asks, scraping the last of the batter out of the bowl. He looks up when he's met with silence, and Kyungsoo takes a bit too long to drag his eyes away from Jongin's face.

“I don't know,” Kyungsoo mumbles as he opens the oven door for Jongin to drop the pans in. 

“Well, if you can say he's not your type, then you obviously have a type,” Jongin argues once they head back to the living room and plop down on opposite ends of the couch, the dogs leaping to join them almost immediately. One buries itself in the crook of Kyungsoo's knee. He gives a resigned sigh and adjusts to not crush the poor puppy.

“Do you ever think-” Kyungsoo starts, regretting it almost immediately and shaking his head. “Nevermind.”

“Oh c'mon.”

“I said nevermind.” He's ready for it and catches Jongin’s foot before his toes can pinch Kyungsoo's calf, popping the knuckles as Jongin shrieks and tries to free his foot.

“You don't start a sentence like that and not finish it. The anticipation!”

“It was a dumb, spur of the moment thought and I answered myself before I finished asking.” But he knows Jongin's not going to let it go and releases the foot before answering. “I was gonna ask...if you thought whoever one’s soulmate is affects their preferences. Like before they ever even meet them. But you're obvious proof that's not true.”

“How so?”

“Well, look at Sehun. He's nothing like me.”

“Well, Minseok looked nothing like  _ me _ ,” Jongin counters cattily.

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. “Did you miss the part about him not being my type?” He cringes internally afterward. That might’ve been way too revealing. They try to avoid talking about soulmate related things for the most part, but sometimes moments like these just slip out, and Kyungsoo has to deal with a tight chest and strange looks from Jongin for days after.

Jongin shrugs. He didn’t seem to catch it, and Kyungsoo exhales in relief. “Sehun’s a lot like you, actually. Especially ever since we’ve actually gotten to know each other. Why do you think you two get along so well?”

We don’t, Kyungsoo thinks. He knows Sehun suspects. He still doesn’t see Kyungsoo as a threat though. “I was talking about physical preferences, but anyway. Point is, it’s a wrong theory.”

“Well, if you’re talking about your preference being someone taller than you, that’s like 90% of the male population- _ OW _ !”

Kyungsoo walks Jongin through making a simple buttercream later. He somehow manages to make a dust cloud of confectioners sugar, with more on the counter and his hair than in the mixing bowl.

“It has low speeds for a reason, dummy,” Kyungsoo says, giggling as he shakes out Jongin’s hair and combs through it with his fingers. “You’re hopeless.”

Jongin pokes him in the tummy. “You have a belly full of food I made, jerk, and I don’t remember hearing any complaints.”

It’s not Kyungsoo’s imagination. The fingers linger longer than they should. The look they share after holds for a few seconds too long. They just won’t talk about it. But he knows, he  _ knows _ that’s not a look that friends give each other, no matter how close they are.

“Are you coming Sunday?” Jongin asks, eyes downcast at the powdered sugar mess on the counter.

“Probably not…” Kyungsoo says softly, hip checking Jongin to the side so he can try to salvage the frosting. “Should probably let you two have more alone time.” He watches Jongin’s face fall. “I’m feeling like a third wheel tagging along all the time.”

“We’re just watching tv. It’s not tagging along if I invite you,” Jongin argues. “And it wouldn’t be third wheeling if you brought a date, like I said.”

“You’ve been together for a year now,” Kyungsoo says. It only stings a little bit this time. “He’s supposed to have all of your time. Double dates are for when you’re married and bored and need other people to help fill the conversation during dinner.”

“I’m not bored with him,” Jongin bristles.

“I didn’t say you were.”

“He asked me to move in with him,” Jongin mutters, fidgeting with his fingers again.

Kyungsoo tries to swallow the lump in his throat, but it can’t seem to go down. “Congratulations,” he croaks out.

“I said no.”

“What?”

Jongin flutters a hand, waving it off. “He asked me weeks ago. It’s old news.” More fidgeting.

“...Are you guys okay?”

“Yeah,” Jongin answers. “Yeah, we’re fine. I just...I didn’t want to move. I like it here… I didn’t want to live in his dad’s fancy loft and be looked at like some gold digger.”

“Are you sure that’s why?” Kyungsoo asks and nearly bites his tongue immediately after.

Jongin stares at him. “Why else?”

Kyungsoo shrugs. “You didn’t even tell me about it. Moving in together is a big deal, Jongin. It’s a milestone… It’d be like if he proposed and you said no. Some people wouldn’t take that well.”

“I wouldn’t marry him anyway.”

“W-what?”

Jongin shrugs, picking at his nails. “He’s really sweet. He’s really fun to be with. He sees me the same way.”

“What is that supposed to mean? You two have been together for over a year! He asked you to move in with him!”

“It was a panic move. I was going to break up with him,” Jongin says, grabbing a towel to clean up the mess. Distracting himself. “He’s- I don’t know. He believes that soulmates are permanence. We’re having fun for now, so we’re together. But you know how everyone just sees like all relationships as temporary unless it’s with their  _ soulmate _ or whatever.”

Kyungsoo has to pick his jaw up off the floor from all the new information. They were going to break up? Weeks ago? “Why didn’t you tell me?”

The timer goes off and Jongin jumps at the opportunity to stall. The cupcakes look picture perfect. They leave them to cool on the counter. He squirms, knowing Kyungsoo is waiting on an answer. “I don’t know,” he says finally. “We kind of don’t talk about these kinds of things.”

‘These kinds of things’ meaning soulmate talk. Kyungsoo needs to pull back. He should. “Why are you with him then if it’s not going anywhere?”

Jongin snorts. “If soulmates were the only ones who could be together, the world would be full of a lot of lonely people. We’re still happy.”

“Are you?”

Their eyes meet again. Jongin looks away first. “About as happy as I can be. He’s a great guy. But there’s always the chance that his soulmate will walk into his office tomorrow. We both know it. And we both know he wouldn’t choose me over fate.”

“That’s stressful just to  _ listen _ to, Jongin… That’s a terrible way to look at relationships, and not fair to you. A lot of people get married and live long, happy lives with people who aren’t their soulmates.” Not that Kyungsoo would want to see Jongin get married and go off into the sunset.

Jongin holds his left hand up, palm out, fingers splayed. “I don’t know any. I’m a dead end,” he says with a wry smile. “Even if he wanted me enough to stay, or the next guy, or the next... Do you think maybe that’s why none of your relationships have worked out?”

None of his relationships have worked out because he’s in love with this boy who doesn’t believe they’re soulmates anymore because they’re no longer connected by a thread, and he can’t bring himself to invest anything in finding someone to actually care about. Jongin’s tried to justify that their happenstance encounters have all just been residual effects. It doesn’t feel like coincidence to Kyungsoo. He opens his mouth to answer, and feels a buzz in his pocket, followed by another. “Get my phone for me, I’m covered in frosting.”

Jongin pulls his phone out and looks at the screen. “Who’s Chanyeol?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this is ok and not confusing and not as crappy as I think it is. I'm just trying to get the gears going, because I can't write lately. REALLY gonna try to get next ch of Internet Is For Porn up soon. Also, I really hope neither of them look too....sleazy here. They're friends. Best friends, basically. Just, you know, soulmates too. So problematic. And do remember, they're not the only (ex)soulmates in the world. The entire world's population has soulmates. It's not just their thinking, everyone else has a soulmate, and the world is therefore about as fixated on soulmates as, well, our real world is fixated on "Twu Wuv" with the dating sites and diamond commercials and all kinds of things.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did some edits to this chapter. Minor, but it changes things a little bit.

“Where are you?”

Jongin clicks his tongue. “Hello to you too,” he says, sandwiching his phone between his ear and shoulder so he can readjust his planner before it falls into a puddle. It’s disorienting, trying to balance an umbrella in one hand and viewing everything sideways. He finds himself walking in a diagonal and has to quickly go back upright before he rams into somebody.

“Jongin, I’m serious. Where are you?” Kyungsoo says, and he really does sound worried.

“About to get to the bus stop, why?” Jongin asks.

“No, go- fuck, go to my apartment. Stay there. There’s a bad storm coming in quick and they’re saying possible flash flood.”

“I can’t, Soo, I gotta go feed my kids. They need to go for a walk or they’re gonna poop everywhere,” Jongin argues. A gust of wind catches his umbrella and he almost drops everything in his hands as he’s spun around.

There’s silence on the other end of the line. He hears Kyungsoo sigh, and can imagine him dragging his hand down his face in frustration. “I’ll take care of them. My shift will be over in an hour. But go to my place and stay there until everything’s over. Okay?”

Jongin grunts in response and turns, walking toward his old apartment. “Yes?” he hears and rolls his eyes. “Yes, I’m going.”

“Just get the landlady-”

“Not my first rodeo, Soo.”

He hears Kyungsoo swear under his breath, and is about to say something but Kyungsoo speaks again. “I got a customer. I gotta go. I’ll call you when I get to your place. _Stay there_ , okay?”

Jongin drops his books onto Kyungsoo’s coffee table and strips off his soggy coat grumpily before flopping onto the couch, shivering. The rain picked up just as he was reaching the apartment, and completely drenched everything it could reach. His phone vibrates in his pocket and he groans into the cushion, not wanting to move but eventually mustering up the willpower to do so.

Text from Kyungsoo asking if he’s there yet. He texts back a curt ‘alive’ and hits send before calling Sehun.

“Hey babe.”

“Hey,” Jongin mumbles, turning his face just enough to speak. “I’m at Soo’s. Might have to stay for the night.”

“The storm?”

“Yeah, I think he’s gonna sleep at my place. He’s taking care of the kids.”

“That’s good.”

“What about you?” Jongin asks. His eyes were still closed. This couch is so comfy.

“I worked from home today, so I’m already here. We’ve got the backup generator in case the power goes out. I’m just gonna finish up some work, eat, and then go to sleep.” Sehun sounded distracted. Most likely determined to work through the storm.

They hang up shortly after. He’s gotten a couple more text messages from his mom and Junmyeon telling him to be safe. Everyone’s a worry wart.

Kyungsoo’s place is kept immaculate. It’s not that hard, he supposes, when you live alone with no pets. But it smells warm and everything is comfortable, if just a little spartan, much like its owner. Jongin almost dozes off on the couch when a loud crack of thunder shakes the building and his rumbling stomach joins in. He’s almost finished with some of Kyungsoo’s leftovers when his phone rings.

“How are my kids?” Jongin asks immediately around a mouthful of spaghetti.

“They’re fine—ugh,  _ stop _ ,” Kyungsoo grumbles at them. Jongin can hear them making happy little sounds in the background and smiles as he imagines them all vying for Kyungsoo’s attention. “I had them use a puppy pad because of the rain, and they went in the hallway. They’re fed. They’re alive. They’re too damn happy.”

“Did you-”

“Monggu got olive oil,” Kyungsoo interrupts. Jongin can practically hear the eye roll through the phone, but Monggu’s having dry skin lately and needs it in his food or he gets dandruff.

“You’re a lifesaver. Thank you.” Jongin stuffs the last bit of food into his mouth and drops the tupperware into the sink. He heads to the bathroom and puts Kyungsoo on speaker briefly as he scrubs his teeth and turns to the bedroom. “Oh, and don’t sleep on the couch again, or it’s gonna be your own damn fault and I don’t wanna hear it,” Jongin warns.

“You _have_ heard of a lint roller, right?” Kyungsoo says.

“They don’t have fur, Soo, they have hair. They’re hypoallergenic.”

“My ass is hypoallergenic. Your dogs are ambitiously oversized dust bunnies. And I’m not sleeping in your bed. I don’t want to lay on Daddy’s stains.”

Jongin lands on Kyungsoo’s bed just as he hears the last part and groans, rolling to his knees to minimize contact with the sheets. “ _Eww_ …”

“What? No, _my_ bed is clean, thank you,” Kyungsoo spits out, the smirk coming through clearly.

“My bed is too, but if it will give you peace of mind, then change the sheets. It’s right in the closet.” Jongin pauses. “And don’t call him that, or I’m going to...uh…”

“You’re gonna uh? I’m trembling,” Kyungsoo retorts.

“Shut up, I’m thinking,” Jongin says, sinking into the pillow. Mm, it smells so good. The rain was coming down hard, but it made for really relaxing white noise in the background. “We’re putting a placeholder here. I’ll fill it in later, but just so you know, it leaves you shook.”

“I’m aquiver,” Kyungsoo deadpans.

“Facetime me,” Jongin says. “I need to tell my babies goodnight.”

“They don’t even know you’re gone. They only love whoever holds the chicken jerky. I am their master now,” Kyungsoo teases. “My charger’s on the nightstand, by the way. I found yours.”

Jongin reaches blindly and knocks something off the nightstand before he finds the cable. He plugs in his phone as he dips down to retrieve it, freezing momentarily as he feels his eyes bug out of his head.

“Accept the call, jackass,” Kyungsoo says. That snaps him out of it, and Jongin quickly places the bottle of lube back on the table, rolling back and tapping his phone, hoping he’s not blushing.

The screen loads with Kyungsoo laying on the bed, two of the dogs tucked in next to his chest. He’s laying on his left side, whereas Jongin’s laying on his right, so it almost looks like they’re just facing each other through a tiny window. “Didn’t change the sheets, I see,” Jongin says, trying to pack down the burn in his cheeks.

“Figured if I find anything questionable, I have three little hostages,” Kyungsoo says.

“Where’s Jjangah?” Jongin asks, and Kyungsoo cranes his neck to look behind him, flailing as he tries to reach. Her little head pops up a moment later as she climbs up and sits on Kyungsoo’s chest, head tilting as she recognizes his voice. “I love you,” Jongin coos at them, puckering and making air kisses at the phone. “I’ll be home so soon. Be good for Uncle Soo, he loves you too even if he won’t admit it.”

Jongin thought for a moment that the screen had froze, but the dogs are still moving. Kyungsoo had a weird look on his face. He scowls when Jjangu licks his chin. “I don’t.”

“You _dooo_ ,” Jongin sing-songs, pulling the blanket up to his nose and adjusting a spare pillow to prop his phone up. He can see Kyungsoo doing the same, laying his head on his arm after, watching the screen.

“Is it bad over there?” Kyungsoo asks. His voice is so deep and smooth. It’s comforting. Soothing.

“It’s just raining,” Jongin mumbles, stifling a yawn. He fails miserably. His eyelids were already growing heavy.

“The building is shaking over here a little,” Kyungsoo says, smiling despite Jjangah settling in under his neck. “But I think everything’s fine. Don’t forget to set your alarm.”

“Are they scared?” Jongin asks.

“They’re snuggling up to me. They’re fine. Don't worry.” Kyungsoo looked pretty tired too.

It's been a long day for both of them. They manage to mumble some inane conversation for a few more minutes before Kyungsoo actually dozes off mid-sentence. Jongin can't hold back a grin as a snore comes through his phone's speaker. This is so cute, if only there was a way he could've recorded it. He didn't have the heart to end the call though. This way, he could still see his babies. And hear Kyungsoo snore some more. He watches them for a few more minutes. They all look happy enough. It's peaceful, and couple that with the thunder and rain and comfortable bed, sleep comes easily.

"Jongin."

Jongin swipes at his face, wiping away the bit of drool off of his chin as he forces his eyes to open. "Ung," he grunts.

"Wake up or you're gonna be late," Kyungsoo says.

His eyes finally focus to see Kyungsoo on his phone, still snuggled into his bed, face slightly puffy from sleep. "My alarm hasn't gone off yet," Jongin whines, pulling the phone closer so he could check the time. "And I'm right here. I can sleep like...another hour practically."

"So I'm eating breakfast by myself then?"

Jongin sighs, forcing himself to sit up and lean against the wall as he gives his phone a very disapproving, stern look. "Fine. I'm going."

"See you in a bit."

—

“I bet your kids could out-drink you,” Kyungsoo taunts.

“They’re all like five years old,” Jongin practically shouts to be heard over the music. “I’m not that bad.”

Sehun pushes another shot forward, smirking as Jongin stares down at it. “I’m gonna throw up,” Jongin says.

“It’s Soo’s big birthday!” Sehun says, coaxing him to take the drink.

“It’s both of our birthdays,” Kyungsoo corrects.

“Yeah, but you’re turning thirty,” Jongin says, swirling the liquid around the glass. “So this is more your birthday than mine. It’s an important year.”

“So I can keep your birthday present then?” Kyungsoo asks, grabbing the glass with a roll of his eyes and downing it. He doesn’t even wince. Jongin has no clue how he does it. Kyungsoo pulls the black paper bag toward his side of the table but Jongin snatches it back.

“Mine,” he snaps, sticking his tongue out. “Can I open it yet?”

“It’s not midnight yet. Still not your birthday.”

“Almost though,” Sehun says, leaning down and giving him a peck on the cheek before bolting for the karaoke stage. Jongin covers his face as he gives a speech to the crowd about the birthday boys, and wants to sink under the table when ‘Hot For Teacher’ comes on as Sehun’s song of choice. Their whole table cackles with glee as Sehun slurs his way through it, sans Jongin, who’s trying to pat away his burning cheeks, but the alcohol is doing nothing to help.

“Midnight,” Kyungsoo announces a little later. “Happy birthday, Nini!”

Everyone cheers as Sehun straddles him and does a cute lapdance to the table’s drunken rendition of Happy Birthday, ending it with a deep kiss and promising more to come later.

It’s way past late and into all-nighter hours now, so Sehun has to see off his lawyer friends who’ve joined them for the joint celebration. Jongin notices that Kyungsoo had gotten really quiet for a while and walks back to sit next to him. “Can I open it now?”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo answers, but his smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes. He’s swaying a little though, so he might just be drunk and tired like everyone else.

Jongin pulls the soft pink fabric up. It unrolls into a sweater. He jumps a little as small pieces fall out of it, and crouches down to retrieve them. “What—”

“Should fit,” Kyungsoo says.

“Oh my god!” Jongin shrieks, giggling hysterically as he squeezes Kyungsoo. “You are so cheesy. Oh my god, oh my god!” He holds up each of the three tiny sweaters matching the regular human sized one. “Where did you even get these?”

“Convinced my manager to let me have the display ones,” Kyungsoo shrugs. “It’s not like you can buy them.”

“And you say you don’t love them,” Jongin says, his cheeks aching now from the grin.

“Now you can be _that_ gay dude who wears matching sweaters with his dogs,” Kyungsoo says, but he’s smiling as Jongin slaps him lightly on the arm.

Jongin tugs the big sweater on, pushing his arms through. It’s so soft. He rolls up the little dog sweaters and drops them back into the bag carefully. “I love it. It’s so pretty. I have to watch when they wear these though, because they love shredding clothes. Maybe just for special events.” He doesn’t get an answer and turns back up to see Kyungsoo watching him, suddenly looking lost and way younger than thirty.

He doesn’t jump when the thumb brushes across his cheekbone, but Jongin raises his eyebrows in question and pretends to bite when Kyungsoo ghosts it over his lower lip. “When did you get so pretty, kid?”

“I’ve _always_ been pretty,” Jongin quips with a confused smile. Kyungsoo drops his hand a moment later.

“Yeah, you have.” He didn’t sound happy about it, but Jongin doesn’t really get a chance to find out what’s wrong. They end up dropping a drunk Kyungsoo off in his apartment before he and Sehun go back to his. Kyungsoo insists he can’t remember anything from the night before, and is too hungover to come by, but he skips out on coffee the next morning too, and it’s days before Jongin sees him again.

—

The door swings open, and a very sleepy looking Kyungsoo stands on the other side.

“I'll say sorry if you say sorry,” Jongin barters, scrunching his nose and sticking his foot forward when Kyungsoo tries to close it. He steps inside, and Kyungsoo spins on his heels, silently trudging back to his bedroom.

“Soo…” Jongin whines, following him in and watching Kyungsoo splay out on his stomach across his bed. Jongin wasn't even mad anymore when he came over, but even if he was, he wouldn't have stood a chance right now anyway. Kyungsoo must have forgotten which shirt Jongin had loaned him ages ago and rotated it into his regular wardrobe. He's wearing just the oversized shirt and boxers. It makes him look like a little teenager. It's so cute. Jongin walks over and yanks on the hair on his calf and Kyungsoo screeches, kicking the air as he flops back around.

“You— fucking—” Kyungsoo grinds out, throwing pillows at Jongin's head. “You little _brat_!”

Jongin holds his hands out to protect his face, catching one of the pillows and using it as a shield. “Fine! I'm sorry!” he shouts, carefully sitting down at the foot of the bed, still clutching the pillow.

Kyungsoo tries to snatch the pillow back, which leads to a quick tug-of-war before Jongin lets go. “The idea behind apologizing is you're giving up, you fucking baby,” he snarls, setting the pillow back in place.

“I don't even remember what we were fighting about,” Jongin admits.

“You were being dumb.”

“You were being mean.”

“I thought you said you didn't remember,” Kyungsoo counters, but it's more sass than anger now.

Jongin feels a gentle grip on his jaw, turning his head to face Kyungsoo, whose face had softened considerably. He heaves a loud sigh and lets go. “I'm sorry I said your idea was dumb. Even though it was dumb.”

“It _was_ dumb,” Jongin agrees, which pulls a smile from Kyungsoo. “But _I'm_ mad because you dropped off the face of the earth for like a whole damn week.”

“I'm sorry,” Kyungsoo says sincerely.

“I missed you,” Jongin pouts. “And your dumb, mean face.”

—

What was that saying? 'You never really get over your first love’? Jongin's not sure on the bullshit factor behind that, but he regularly re-lives the last time he saw Kyungsoo at the old park before he moved away. “I still like you, okay? It doesn't just go away.”

Surely, it should have gone away by now. It's been so long. They barely even had a past to speak of. They both have someone now. They're friends. _Just_ friends. _Great_ friends. But he knows what he feels toward Kyungsoo's dates every time is outright jealousy.

Maybe breaking the bond leaves residual effects. Like how they kept running into each other afterward. There was no reason for it anymore. They were no longer soulmates. At least Kyungsoo has stopped arguing with him on that. Jongin fiddles with the red loop on his finger. It’s a nervous tick now. It doesn't matter. He can't touch it anyway. Besides, there's nothing to be afraid of damaging anymore.

Or his brain is just confusing affection for attraction. They're close. They talk everyday. They see each other nearly everyday. Kyungsoo is a crazily handsome guy, who has basically every quality anybody could want. It's normal to acknowledge that. It's normal to feel attraction. He's a great guy...who just deserves better than Minseok.

“I don't know,” Sehun says, snapping Jongin out of his thoughts. “But he definitely has a crush on you, which, who wouldn't?”

Maybe residual effects there too. But Jongin could and did pull the thread. So they weren't meant to be. It was just a mistake. Seven billion people on earth, three point five billion pairs of soulmates, of course there would be mistakes. Of course there were people who just weren't meant to have soulmates. But he got a best friend out of it in the end. He really couldn't ask for more from being given a bad hand. Except that the residual effects would just fade already so his feelings would stop getting so confused. He doesn't even want a new soulmate. Jongin has accepted it a long time ago. The world may revolve around soulmates, but life doesn't have to.

“Does that bother you?” he asks.

“Half the guys and I think probably all the girls in my office crush on you. It makes me feel all proud, snagging such a babe,” Sehun says, shrugging and propping his feet up. “So as long as he's not making you uncomfortable and guilting you about it, he's entitled to crush on whoever he wants.”

—

This was _Kyungsoo's_ first and _only_ love trying to barge back into his life. “He _left_ you, like straight up, no warning. Just 'peace, I'm out’ and you're really going to go talk to him?”

“Reminder: _you_ didn't even say peace, you were just out,” Kyungsoo says. “And we're just going to talk.”

“I wasn't your long-term boyfriend who crushed your heart and dumped you when everything was perfect in _hopes_ of greener pastures!” Jongin reminds him. It tastes bitter coming out. He feels panic welling up and can't decide if it was because he wanted to save Kyungsoo the heartbreak or he was worried he would lose his friend.

“He _did_ find his soulmate,” Kyungsoo says. At least he didn't look happy at the idea of meeting his ex for lunch. “He just wants to talk.”

 **_Soo:_ ** **_  
_ ** _Are you up?_

_Yeah what's up?_

_I slept with him_ _  
_ _It's not what you think_

_YOU WHAT????_

_They broke up. He broke up with his sm_

_Yeah so?_   
_Who he LEFT you for_  
Or did you forget

_It's complicated_

_What happened with his sm_   
_Is he just going back to him after?_  
Did you even ask?

 _I didn't :(_ _  
_ _I don't know ok_

 _What does that mean?_ _  
_ _Are you OK????_

_I don't know_

_I can come over_ _  
_ _We can watch Avatar_

 _No he's still here right now_ _  
_ _He wants us to get back together_

_And….what do you want?_

_It's really complicated_


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: It's over 6k. This took days to chug out. I haven't proofread, I'm sorry. But I need to sleep, so it's either post it after a really busy day tomorrow, or post it now. It's about to be a rough, long ass ride.

“Why have you been avoiding me?”

“Holy _shit_!” Jongin screams, clutching his chest and then leaning against the table for support. He looks around the otherwise empty teachers’ lounge and turns back to Kyungsoo. “You scared the crap out of me!”

Kyungsoo is unphased. “Why have you been ignoring me?”

“I'm not ignoring you,” Jongin says sulkily, refusing to look at him as he walks past Kyungsoo to the vending machine.

Kyungsoo follows and swats at Jongin's hand when it comes up to feed a bill into the slot. “I brought lunch. And yes, you have.”

“I can't believe Principal Kim just lets you waltz into the teachers’ lounge unescorted,” Jongin grumbles as he sits down on the couch and loots through the paper bag on the table.

“It’s cause he thinks we're— ...Tell me why you've been avoiding me,” Kyungsoo repeats, pushing Jongin's leg to the side and sitting down next to him. Jongin opens his mouth and Kyungsoo quickly adds, “By that, I mean you haven't gone to breakfast all week, you don't come over, and unless I text you, you fucking ignore me. Don't play dumb.”

Jongin's mouth shuts with a scowl and he foregoes the contents of the bag to stare down at the bowl of jjajangmyeon for a while before lifting his shoulders into a shrug. “I don't know, I'm just giving you two space to...reconnect or whatever.” He was totally pouting. Kyungsoo doesn't even need to look. It's in every syllable that comes out of his mouth.

“Eat,” Kyungsoo prompts, studying Jongin's face. “And the moment you get wind that I'm dating someone, you are always practically climbing over me to meet them and arrange dates. You've basically been ignoring his existence, and now mine, since I told you.”

Jongin grabs the chopsticks off the table and sullenly pokes at the noodles, mixing them up and shrugging again. “It's not like you two need to get to know each other,” he tells the jjajangmyeon. “You were together for like, what, eight years? So you're a happily reunited couple. Just figured I'd leave you alone for a while.”

“You're being a shitty best friend,” Kyungsoo says, loosening his jaw. He's been gritting his teeth too much recently. It's starting to ache. “I know you don't like him, but you're abandoning me.”

The irritation seeps out of him as Jongin brings the bowl into his lap and curls his feet up to one side, leaning his head on Kyungsoo's shoulder as he eats. “I'm sorry…” Jongin mumbles, and a moment later, Kyungsoo gets a bite held out in front of him. “What am I supposed to do though? He hurt you, and now you're just…back together the moment he walked back into your life. It’s like you’re just trying to pick up where you two last left off and just pretend he didn’t break up with you so he could go sleep with somebody else.”

“It's not like that…” Kyungsoo starts, trying to chew through the noodles quickly.

“Yeah, it's just 'complicated’,” Jongin sneers.

“It's not like I forgot. I'm not desperate to rekindle old flames or whatever,” Kyungsoo says, waving off the next bite. Jongin eats it instead and comes back with an offering of just the vegetables this time, and he sighs as he accepts. “It's not the same as it was. I just...I'm tired of being alone.”

“There are tons of people out there other than the ex who left you for his soulmate, who turned out to be way more than he could handle, so he came crawling back to you,” Jongin spits out.

“Okay, first off, that's just how people are conditioned. If someone finds their soulmate and abandons their current partner, society just see it as a true love story, and they're just doing the right, inevitable thing,” Kyungsoo says, pushing the next series of offerings away. Jongin still tries after each bite of his own. “ _Eat._ So he was just doing what was expected. It hurt. It sucked. And I don't feel the same way I used to anymore… But he knows me, and it's easy, and I'm not exactly happy, but I'm okay. I deserve this.”

“So secondly?” Jongin says petulantly.

“What?”

“You said ‘first off’, is there more?”

“You little shit,” Kyungsoo says, yanking on his ear. “ _Secondly_ , my parents were soulmates and didn't work out. They fought constantly. They still managed to pop out two kids anyway. You know how hard it is to date again after? Even their divorce lawyers were super judgmental. If you tell anyone that you divorced your soulmate, people automatically assume you must be a raging asshole or like a criminal or something for a soulmate to not work out. It's stupid. Society lacks introspection. Like the level of cognitive dissonance to be in a shitty relationship with one’s soulmate and still judge someone else for not wanting to put up with the same shit is astounding.”

“What's that have to do with you two getting back together?”

“I _know_ him. He's not like that. He was just dumb. And shallow. And thoughtless. And inconsiderate. And—”

“Sounds like you hit the lotto with that one.”

“—And he's what I want for right now. So are you going to accept that and stop being a brat or not?” Kyungsoo finishes with a growl in his voice.

Jongin stalls by stuffing his face with nearly all of the remaining noodles. He eventually has to finish though, lower lip jutting out as he sets the bowl down. “You're lying to yourself if you think you can see the guy you were in love with and broke your heart as just a casual, 'for now’ boyfriend.”

They're staring at each other, Kyungsoo realizes a minute later. “...Things have changed,” he offers weakly. He should look away. But he just hasn't seen Jongin in ages. Almost two weeks.

“Does _he_ know that?”

“Yes.” That’s what Chanyeol keeps saying anyway. A lie ricocheting from one person to the next, snowballing. Chanyeol can say he knows it’s just casual, just sex and company, but Kyungsoo knows he will insist on more that Kyungsoo can’t give.

“Fine,” Jongin whispers. He _does_ look away, dropping his gaze back down to his hands as he fidgets with his fingers again.

Kyungsoo hooks a finger under Jongin’s chin to tilt his face up again. “Come over. Bring Sehun. We can do a movie night.”

He can see Jongin chewing on the inside of his cheek. “I have to-...he’s busy all week.”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and pushes himself up to standing. “Whatever then,” he snaps, stepping over Jongin’s legs and walking out, ignoring Jongin calling after him. He ignores the text messages and phone calls too and doesn’t check them until he’s finally in bed later. Excuses followed by apologies followed by offerings of compromise. He doesn’t know what to think anymore.

—

Jongin straightens his grimace into some facsimile of a smile once he catches the warning look from Kyungsoo. A quick mumbled greeting, a handshake, and then he's shuffling into the booth next to Sehun to face the couple.

“Wow, it's so nice to finally meet you! I’ve heard so much!” Chanyeol chirps. He had the brightest smile plastered across his doofy face.

He was way taller than Jongin. Round, pretty eyes. Batwings for ears. His hair was dyed an obnoxious silver, a color Jongin has been coveting for months but has had to accept he can never have due to school regulations. How did Kyungsoo find himself a manic pixie boy.

“ _Me too_ ,” Jongin replies, grunting quietly as he gets a swift kick to the shin. Perhaps that might have sounded a bit too acidic.

Sehun looks utterly confused at Jongin's behavior throughout dinner, but he's making the best of it, picking up the slack when Jongin obstinately ignores some inane question Chanyeol asks in his eager, needy voice. He should feel grateful, but it just makes him more annoyed. How did Kyungsoo date this guy for so long? They were totally different.

“It’s really cool though,” Chanyeol says after swallowing a bite of his dessert. “That you two can be friends even after you didn’t work out as soulmates. I don’t think I can stomach seeing mine for at least a while.” A pause. “If ever,” he adds.

The table goes silent sans Chanyeol’s fork dragging across his plate to scrape up the last of his tiramisu. Jongin hazards a glance over at Kyungsoo to find him looking back.

“What?” Sehun asks, a confused smile still hanging on his face. “What are you talking about?”

“Well, them being soulmates,” Chanyeol continues, obliviously waving it off as common knowledge. “Which, I applaud you, by the way. I think I’d be crazy jealous and insufferable if Soo and I were just starting to date, but I've known him for over half his life and we’ve been together for ages longer than they’ve known each other.”

More silence. Jongin racks his brain to come up with something to fill it, but his brain is just white noise right now. “Oh, right,” Sehun says, his voice neutral as he looks over at Jongin, shock still evident on his face despite him trying to mask it. “Yeah, sometimes...I forget even.”

“Well, we never dated,” Kyungsoo adds nervously, looking at Sehun. “So that makes a difference.”

“Right,” Sehun says shakily, wiping his mouth and dropping his napkin onto his plate. “Um I actually have to head back. I've got a lot of work to catch up on. You done?” He asks, looking over at Jongin.

“Uhh...yeah,” Jongin says, copying his motions.

“It was nice meeting you, Chanyeol,” Sehun says, edging out of the booth and walking off before Jongin can say his goodbyes and rush after him.

—

 _ **Soo ⊙♡⊙:** _  
_I'm so sorry_  
_Nini I didn't think he'd bring that up_  
_Is everything ok?_  
_I can be over there in 20 minutes to explain if he's gonna be an ass about this_

_You can say I told you so now I guess_

_What happened are you ok??_  
_I can come over_

 _I'm fine_  
_I'm not fine_  
_Stop calling I don't want to talk rn_  
_He thought we were together behind his back_  
_Apparently he met his soulmate a cpl weeks ago_  
_We broke up_

 _I can talk to him_  
_What_  
_Did he cheat on you??_  
_I'm coming over_

 _Does it matter_  
_He said he didn't but that he should have_  
_Don't_  
_I want to just be by myself_

 _I'm so sorry_  
_Shit I’m so sorry_

_Yeah me too_

_—_

The kindergarteners were playing outside, but with the other teacher supervising. He finds Jongin hunched over his desk, staring blankly at the planner in front of him. There were bags under his swollen eyes. He's so spaced out that Kyungsoo makes it all the way next to him, and he still hasn't responded.

“Why didn't you just take a couple of days off, kid?” he asks, brushing Jongin's hair back with his fingers.

Jongin lets out a heavy sigh and turns, wrapping his arms tightly around Kyungsoo's waist, laying his head against Kyungsoo's stomach.

“Couldn’t,” he mumbles into Kyungsoo's shirt.

“Wanna go get lunch?” Kyungsoo asks, resting his forearms on Jongin's shoulders as he strokes through his hair.

“No.”

“When's the last time you ate?”

“”I'm pretty sure I didn't love him,” Jongin says instead, his voice thick. “Why does it still hurt so much?”

“You still cared for him,” Kyungsoo says, petting Jongin’s cheek and feeling the stubble scratch against his fingertips. “You two were together for a long time.”

“He didn’t-” Jongin makes a sound that was probably meant to be a laugh, but came out more like a sob. “He didn’t tell me he found his soulmate. For weeks. And I feel so angry about that, but then I guess I don’t have a right to?” He squeezes Kyungsoo’s waist tighter. “But I wasn’t hiding it from him, it just never came up. We just never talked about it. You weren’t like a dirty secret or something.”

“I know,” Kyungsoo says, rubbing over his shoulders soothingly.

“We’ve never done anything—” Jongin whimpers.

“I know,” Kyungsoo repeats.

“—Even though I wanted to, because that would have been wrong, but it didn’t even matter. He wouldn’t even try to listen,” Jongin rushes out. He was rambling on to the point of being unintelligible from the hiccups and crying, not even processing his own words. He doesn’t notice Kyungsoo’s hands stilling or his jaw hanging open.

There’s a world of difference between knowing a truth in your gut and having it spoken out loud and confirmed. But this is the worst time to be focusing on that right now. Jongin is hurting. Kyungsoo needs to comfort him. Kyungsoo has Chanyeol. Kyungsoo does not need to be fixated on that sentence right now. Or ever.

“C’mon, Nini,” Kyungsoo says, clearing his throat and tugging on Jongin’s arms for him to stand up. “You’ve soaked through my shirt. Let’s go get food. I can hear your stomach growling. We can go anywhere you want, my treat.”

Jongin reluctantly brings himself to his feet, wiping angrily at his eyes while Kyungsoo grabs a tissue to gently clean off his face, smacking his hand away when he tries to take it. “You don’t have to clean my snot, Soo. That’s gross.”

“Shut up,” Kyungsoo says, tossing the tissues into the wastebasket and then cupping Jongin’s blotchy face in his hands to examine it. “We don’t have much time left before your lunch break is over. Important decision time: fried chicken or pizza?”

Jongin stares at him in silence for a long time. “Or option C? Anything else calling you?” Kyungsoo asks, thumbs brushing over his cheekbones. They were standing too close. He knows this. Jongin’s face fills his vision as the younger dips down toward him. He can feel Jongin’s breath on his skin a split second before he comes to his senses and slides his hands down Jongin’s face, thumbs over Jongin’s lips, his knuckles pressing into his own.

He can feel the ghost of a kiss against his skin and hot tears landing on his fingers. Jongin pulls away with a sniffle, looking down at his desk.

“Jongin, I—”

“I’m sorry,” Jongin says. “I don’t know what-… I’m sorry.”

“I wasn’t- We can’t- You-” Kyungsoo stutters out, his hands still held up in front of him, frozen.

“I’m not hungry,” Jongin mumbles. “I’m just gonna go...check on my kids. It’s probably time for them to come back in already.” He takes a step and pauses. “I’m sorry, Soo.”

“Yeah, me too,” Kyungsoo whispers to the empty room after Jongin flees down the hallway.

—

Park Chanyeol is smarter than he looks. Which Jongin supposes isn't saying all that much. But he knows the _real_ reason Batwing has taken such an interest in trying to help Jongin rebound lately. The question is if Kyungsoo knows that his boyfriend is only being so enthusiastic and helpful about finding Jongin potential new dates is because he has a vested interest in making sure Kyungsoo doesn't get tempted away.

He's been more and more distant with Chanyeol the last month and spending increasingly more time with Jongin, which could be explained that he's being a good friend and helping Jongin get through a difficult time, but it's like he keeps trying to put them in situations like what happened a few weeks ago in Jongin's classroom, hoping for a repeat. If Jongin were Chanyeol, and not the first and last person Kyungsoo talks to everyday, he'd be panicking too. Or abandoning the Chansoo ship. But it’s good for them to be together. Or rather, it’s good that Kyungsoo isn’t single right now.

Jongin almost wants to take pity on him and explain that it doesn’t matter what happens, he and Kyungsoo would never work out if they got together. Their threads were severed. It’s a dead end. But he won’t, because fuck Park Chanyeol and his stupid bat ears and cool hair. Let him sweat.

“I don’t see why you didn’t like him,” Chanyeol huffs. “He’s super hot and rich and a really cool guy.”

Jongin shrugs, stirring his tea. “Just didn’t like him.”

“Well…” He can see the wheels turning in Chanyeol’s head. “Oh! I know the perfect guy, actually. Kyungsoo and I went to school with him. He’s a doctor!”

“Who, Jonghyun?” Kyungsoo asks as he enters the living room. He shakes his head when Chanyeol confirms it. “Nah, he won’t like him.”

This is awkward, Kyungsoo standing between the two couches, Jongin on one, Chanyeol on the other, both trying to pretend like they haven’t noticed and are waiting.

“I really don’t mind being single for a while,” Jongin says. “But thanks for helping anyway.”

Chanyeol grunts in acknowledgment and stretches a leg out, hooking a foot around Kyungsoo’s calf. “Come sit down so I can start the movie.”

Kyungsoo plants his other foot so Chanyeol can’t drag him closer. There’s a long pause and he pushes Chanyeol’s foot off. “Just start the show. I gotta grab something from the kitchen. I’m gonna lay on the floor. It’s more comfortable.”

Chanyeol slithers onto the floor almost immediately after Kyungsoo turns around, and Jongin has to remind himself he’s an adult who does not snort at people.

—

Jongin looks so good in that pink sweater and ripped jeans. It gets more and more distracting the more Kyungsoo drinks. It’s been so hard to get Jongin to actually hang out with them, since he wants nothing to do with Chanyeol, so it’s a miracle he managed to convince the mopey boy to come out to the bar tonight. And _fuck_ , he looks so good.

“Remember when you got your first handjob here?” Kyungsoo snickers, prompting Jongin to snort into his cocktail.

“I don’t, but that’s why I have you,” Jongin says, giggling and looking down the bar. “Hopefully, I can get my next one tonight too.”

Chanyeol’s looking at him for an explanation to the inside joke, but Kyungsoo’s too busy frowning at Jongin. “I thought you came to hang out with us.”

Jongin turns back to him. “We _are_ hanging out. But y’all are going back home together and getting laid, whereas I’ve got nobody waiting for me. So you’re gonna be my wingman, right?”

The thought of someone ripping the sweater that Kyungsoo got him for his birthday off of Jongin, of them frantically, drunkenly coupling and then parting ways, or worse, of them _staying_ — no. He can’t handle Jongin having another one night stand. Or a new relationship. At least not tonight.

“Hey,” Chanyeol chirps loudly. “Why don’t we just head back to your apartment?”

“That’s fine,” Jongin says, waving at them. “I can handle myself.”

“No, all of us,” Chanyeol corrects. “Soo has better alcohol.”

Jongin’s about to argue, but Kyungsoo pipes up, “Yeah, that’s a great idea! C’mon, let’s go. Or do you not want to hang out with me?” He does his best impression of Jongin’s pout. Maybe not the same effect as the original, but it works nonetheless.

Kyungsoo notices Chanyeol has a strangely determined look on his face the entire walk back to his apartment. He stays silent the whole time too, only smiling at Kyungsoo whenever he catches him looking. It’s not until they all file into the elevator that he leans on Kyungsoo and takes his hand.

“Who lives in my apartment now?” Jongin asks, giggling as Kyungsoo pulls him away from that door and elbows him into Kyungsoo’s apartment.

“A really grumpy old dude who I’m _pretty sure_ is stealing my spam mail for whatever reason,” Kyungsoo answers, matching his laugh as he turns to shut the door. He whirls back to see Chanyeol holding onto Jongin’s sleeve and pulling him along as he walks toward Kyungsoo and leans down to lick into his mouth, sucking hard on his lower lip.

“Y’all, I’m right—” Jongin says before Chanyeol backs off and pulls Jongin’s face toward his, mashing their lips together.

“What—” Kyungsoo manages to get out. Chanyeol cuts him off, making the next kiss even more enthusiastic than the last.

“You want this, don’t you?” Chanyeol asks, a smile on his lips that looked just a little strained. But his voice is husky and seductive as he plants a much more innocent kiss on the corner of Jongin’s mouth. “I think it’ll be fun.”

“You kissed Jongin…” Kyungsoo says, still dazed by what is happening.

Chanyeol’s hands were on his hips, pulling him forward and rubbing all over Kyungsoo’s chest as he stage-whispers into Kyungsoo’s ear, “I did. I think you should too. Get it out of your system. Just for tonight.” He turns his head and pulls Jongin toward him again. Despite the bewildered expression on his face, Jongin follows, actually returning the kiss briefly before Chanyeol directs him toward Kyungsoo.

Get it out of his system... Their gaze holds until Jongin’s lips touch his, soft and warm and wet with Chanyeol’s saliva. His eyes clamp shut and his hands reach out, clinging tightly to the sweater. He can taste tequila on Jongin’s tongue, and his mind flashes back to their shitty first shots at that bar. When Jongin was somehow even more of a lightweight than he is now. The night Jongin still can't remember. Just hours after he unraveled their thread. After Kyungsoo pushed him too far.

There’s hesitation. Jongin’s not as experienced as either of the other two, and even heavily buzzed, isn’t as confident with his actions. He takes a step back, but Kyungsoo follows immediately, not allowing the kiss to break. He feels Jongin’s hand on the back of his neck after, pulling him closer as Jongin murmurs Kyungsoo’s name against his mouth.

An arm comes between them and Jongin’s lips are replaced by Chanyeol’s as he turns Kyungsoo's head toward him. “I’ll be right back,” Chanyeol whispers, dipping down and kissing his neck once before heading toward the hallway.

They end up on the couch, cradling each other’s faces. Kyungsoo straddles Jongin’s thighs, gasping into his mouth when Jongin bites down on his lower lip. He licks over Jongin’s teeth and groans as Jongin sucks hard on his tongue. It’s desperate, but somehow still managing to be playful. Jongin must be handling this way better than he was.

He feels arms around him, snaking up his shirt against his bare chest, brushing teasingly over his nipples before dropping down, groping at the tent in his jeans. Chanyeol’s hands tug his lower half off of Jongin so he can stand as Chanyeol yanks his pants down and off.

Jongin makes the sweetest little whimper when Kyungsoo pulls away to crane his neck back, pressing a short, deep kiss into Chanyeol’s lips. He turns back to see Jongin focusing lower down at the erection hanging between Kyungsoo’s legs.

“Get on your knees, Soo,” Chanyeol says, squeezing his ass. “You’re too short.”

Jongin boldly reaches forward and tugs Kyungsoo’s shirt off when he drops to the ground, leaving Kyungsoo completely naked now. He can hear Chanyeol shedding the rest of his clothes behind him. “You too,” Kyungsoo mouths, reaching forward and squeezing Jongin’s thighs.

Fingers circle his entrance, smearing cold liquid over it as Jongin slowly shrugs his sweater and undershirt off. Kyungsoo stares hungrily at the revealed skin, golden and unmarred. He knows the exact shade of red that hickies leave against it. Jongin’s pants bunch around his thighs and Kyungsoo helps him tug them down, Jongin’s cock springing out just as Chanyeol sinks a finger smoothly inside him and starts pumping.

Jongin slides off of the couch, rocking forward as he kisses Kyungsoo again, dragging his lips away a few seconds later and down the column of Kyungsoo’s neck. Kyungsoo moans loudly as Jongin settles in right above his collarbone, sucking steadily at the same time Chanyeol pushes another finger past his rim.

“Punk,” Kyungsoo whispers with a grin when Jongin leans back to look at his handiwork. He pushes Jongin back against the cushions and dips his head, experimentally licking over a puckered nipple. Jongin gasps and his body jerks upward in response. Kyungsoo repeats it several times before latching onto the skin above it, groaning as Chanyeol stretches him open with another finger, massaging circles around his prostate. He breaks suction, gasping when Jongin wraps a hand carefully around his shaft, jerking Kyungsoo off slowly. His chest bore a fresh new red mark. Kyungsoo stares proudly at it before dropping down to plant more, reaching forward and cupping Jongin’s length with his palm, squeezing and feeling it pulse against him.

Even through the haze of alcohol and arousal, it burns as Chanyeol stretches him further, abandoning foreplay in favor of quicker preparation. Kyungsoo looks back as the fingers slip out to see him rolling a condom on. Their eyes meet, and Chanyeol gives him a reassuring smile just as he lines up and presses his cock into Kyungsoo’s entrance, edging forward slowly until his hips hit Kyungsoo’s ass. There’s a dull ache, and Jongin has stopped jerking on his length to distract him from it, just gripping his dick loosely now.. He turns back to see Jongin looking past his shoulder, distracted, watching as Chanyeol starts thrusting.

“Get back on the couch,” Kyungsoo moans out, trying to control his breathing. Jongin was still staring. “Nini,” he prompts, and Jongin awkwardly slides himself back up to the edge of the seat, erection bobbing in front of Kyungsoo’s face. The cockhead was glistening with precum, more freckling Jongin’s stomach from his previous angle. Kyungsoo shuffles closer, yelping as Chanyeol follows, using the momentum to slam his cock hard into Kyungsoo’s body.

Jongin’s whole body jerks as Kyungsoo grazes his lips across the slit, tongue darting out to flick the underside of his cock. He whispers Kyungsoo’s name in between gasps over and over, eyes locked back on his face now as Kyungsoo smears the precum all over his lips and laves at the head.

“ _Please_.”

His position and Chanyeol’s thrusting really narrow Kyungsoo’s oral skills down to just not gagging as Jongin’s dick slides repeatedly down his throat, but Jongin doesn’t seem to mind. Kyungsoo’s name comes out of his lips as whimpers now, growing frantic as his fingers tighten their grip in Kyungsoo’s hair. It makes his scalp tingle. His head is still buzzing from the alcohol. From the kiss. From seeing Jongin unravel for him. His whole body feels like it’s on fire, too overwhelmed from the multiple points of pleasure.

Chanyeol knows his body. He knows the pace and roughness that Kyungsoo likes. In this position, he has to spread his legs wide to make up for their height difference, and he wears down faster, but Kyungsoo can feel his determination as Chanyeol squeezes his hips and pulls Kyungsoo back on his cock as he rocks forward. It felt good— _great_ , but his fogged up mind will only let him focus on one thing right now, and the sounds coming from Jongin were hypnotic. They consumed all of his attention, dulling everything else into the background.

He can feel Jongin’s cock twitching against his tongue, and Kyungsoo moans around it until Chanyeol’s hand pushes his head all the way down to the base and fucks into him hard. Jongin’s hips buck once, twice, before he cums down Kyungsoo’s throat, managing to let out a nasal whimper and going slack seconds later.

Kyungsoo’s barely pulled off when Chanyeol leans forward, bracing his arm on the couch and rearranging his legs for better leverage. There’s so much more power in his thrusts from this angle, Kyungsoo has to lay across Jongin’s thighs to keep from being shoved forth. Jongin caresses his cheek, his lips, down to his shoulders, as Kyungsoo cries out, the pressure building, spreading up his spine.

He can feel Jongin’s fingertips brushing over his cock, and pulls them away, finally remembering to clench rhythmically around Chanyeol, and getting rewarded with a drawn-out groan from him. Chanyeol’s cock was dragging across that sweet spot inside him with every snap of his hips, but Kyungsoo fights the pressure building, refuses to touch himself.

Chanyeol curses and rocks his hips forward, as deep as he can go. He drops his forehead between Kyungsoo’s shoulder blades, cock spasming as he fills the condom. He’s still thrusting in lazily, but going soft quickly. It helps the pressure fade.

Kyungsoo turns around when Chanyeol finally slips out and sits back on the floor. He grabs the bottle of lube and crawls into Chanyeol’s lap, kissing him messily as Chanyeol tries to catch his breath. There’s a moment of silence as they look at each other before Kyungsoo scoots back to Jongin, watching them from the couch.

He thumbs Jongin’s cheek. “Can I-...”

“Yes,” Jongin says, pulling him forward and kissing Kyungsoo as he rolls onto his back against the couch. “Hurry.”

Jongin is so impatient. Kyungsoo can’t blame him, but he’s only up to two fingers when Jongin uses his feet to try to lift Kyungsoo closer, insisting he was ready, grabbing Kyungsoo’s shoulders now and tugging him up. Kyungsoo laughs as he rolls a condom on, stroking himself several times before lining his cock up.

“ _Hurry up_ ,” Jongin whines. His own cock is half-hard again. It matches the color of the hickies Kyungsoo left all over Jongin’s chest. It was beautiful. He was beautiful.

Kyungsoo groans as the head of his dick breaches. He was already close to begin with, and Jongin is too tight, too hot around him. He feels lightheaded as he sinks in until their hips touch. He doesn’t even want to move. This was heaven.

“Move,” Jongin orders, writhing impatiently.

Kyungsoo starts up a slow, gentle pace, enjoying the needy look on Jongin’s face. It’s not enough for either of their liking, but it’s keeping Kyungsoo from falling over the edge.

Jongin clenches like a vise around his length, causing Kyungsoo’s hips to falter. Kyungsoo wipes the smug look off his face by lowering down and carefully biting a nipple, lapping at it after.

He feels fingertips on his lower back moments before Chanyeol’s cock slides back in easily. Jongin grabs his waist and guides him between them, back onto Chanyeol before rocking forward and into Jongin. It’s even more overwhelming than before, and the pressure is back within seconds.

Chanyeol kisses up his shoulder blades and dips into the crook of his neck over Jongin’s mark for an instant before Kyungsoo cranes his head to the side in panic, catching Chanyeol’s lips with his own. He _has_ to get to keep this. It’s only for tonight.

Chanyeol pulls back and out of Kyungsoo’s body, studying his face. He looks down and digs in between the couch cushions, procuring a condom and leaning forward to roll it onto Jongin’s erection. His arm goes around Kyungsoo’s waist and firmly turns him around so they face each other again. The air is freezing compared to inside Jongin’s body. Chanyeol reaches between Kyungsoo’s legs to grab Jongin’s shaft, his other hand nudging Kyungsoo’s stomach. Kyungsoo feels a twinge of annoyance as he sinks down on Jongin’s cock and gets pushed back so he’s laying flush against Jongin’s chest. He knows he shouldn’t. It’s supposed to be for all of them. But Chanyeol pulls the condom off of Kyungsoo’s cock, and instead of replacing it and climbing up, he spreads Kyungsoo’s legs and guides his length back to Kyungsoo’s entrance.

He’s loose from earlier, but the stretch still aches despite all the lube. Kyungsoo whimpers and throws his head back on Jongin’s shoulder, closing his eyes and trying to relax as Jongin rubs his sides and whispers soothing reassurances to him. The pain definitely distracts him enough, his cock softening as Chanyeol continues to press in.

“Are you okay?” Jongin asks.

“I can take it,” Kyungsoo grunts. “I want it.”

Chanyeol leans down and brushes their lips together. “I love you,” he whispers, rolling his hips forward to sink all the way in alongside Jongin. _That_ is intense, and a whimper escapes Kyungsoo as he reaches up blindly, his hand finding Jongin’s and lacing their fingers together over his shoulder, gripping tightly.

He whines against Chanyeol’s lips as Chanyeol starts moving. The ache is fading, but it is no less intense. It feels surreal. Not yet pleasurable, but he felt like all the nerve endings on his body were firing off. A particularly rough thrust has Kyungsoo gasping, his eyes opening wide as he cries out. Chanyeol drops lower to suck his own marks onto Kyungsoo’s chest as his length slides over Jongin’s.

“Soo...” Jongin moans, and Kyungsoo turns his head but stills when he catches sight of the red string dangling off of their intertwined hands. It’s just his, he slowly realizes, hanging past Jongin’s fingers. Was Jongin seeing the same thing with his? Can he feel it? Jongin’s ring finger was missing the light fuzz that the rest of his fingers had. His nervous habit of constantly fidgeting with it left the skin bare. Kyungsoo lets out a sob before he can contain it. He can’t even remember what Jongin’s hand looked like with the thread around his finger.

Chanyeol pushes his knees further apart, holding them down as he speeds up again. “C’mon Soo…” he moans out. Jongin tucks his face into Kyungsoo’s hair and tries to lift his hips and match Chanyeol’s pace, if not the force of his thrusts.

It’s all too much. Kyungsoo’s pretty sure he’s cutting off circulation to Jongin’s fingers with how hard he’s squeezing, but he can’t let go. He can hear himself; breathy, high-pitched, wordless whines as they attack his body. It’s so much. The heat was blazing out of his core through his limbs, so intense, he can’t even think beyond feeling the tingles shooting down his scalp. He might combust from all the pressure.

He finally boils over, and Kyungsoo cries out as his back arches up so much, it hurts. He can feel his hole spasming around them and the buildup exploding out of him as he shoots white all over his stomach. It feels like it goes on forever. He can feel hot tears streaking down into his hair as Jongin cums again, whimpering out nonsense. His legs jerk against Chanyeol’s hands and he lets out a weak whimper before sagging against Jongin, boneless. Chanyeol keeps going, causing Jongin’s softening dick to slip out, and he lasts barely another thirty seconds before his hips stutter and he has to brace himself to keep from collapsing on top of them.

They’re all left gasping, and Kyungsoo reluctantly accepts Chanyeol’s hand to pull himself off of Jongin so the younger can breathe properly. Jongin stands up too quickly, knees buckling, and Kyungsoo reaches out to steady him - not much good he’d do in his current state, but Jongin stays upright nonetheless.

“I love you so much,” Chanyeol murmurs as he nuzzles sleepily into Kyungsoo’s neck. “This was fun. We can do it every couple of weeks if you want…”

Jongin manages to get fully dressed before Kyungsoo can climb off the couch. He turns around to look at them, hair disheveled and lips swollen. Sober now though. “I’m gonna-...I’m gonna go home,” he says, playing with his fingers again. “Goodnight.”

The door shuts before Kyungsoo can even get his boxers halfway up, Jongin ignoring his shout. He grabs his shirt and sprints out barefoot on unstable legs, catching Jongin leaning his forehead against the wall by the elevator.

He doesn’t pull away when Kyungsoo kisses him, but the tears stream down Jongin’s face and he doesn’t kiss back either.

“Come back inside,” Kyungsoo says.

“I thought that I still have feelings for you because maybe fate wanted us together, and one day I’d wake up, and the thread would be fixed again,” Jongin hiccups out, trying to cover his face, but Kyungsoo holds his hands down.

“I wake up everyday hoping for that too,” Kyungsoo says. “It still might. It doesn’t mean anything.”

Jongin sniffles and looks down at their hands. “It does,” he argues as he pulls away.

“Jongin, _please_. Come back inside. It’s late—”

“It _is_ too late. I’m sorry.”

The bell dings as the elevator opens next to them. Jongin looks away first and walks into the elevator, staring at the wall until the door closes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm in such a rut. This was more painful smut than Dark Shadows Ch 11. Suffer with me. Also, I feel like this was really badly written smut, and I apologize for that, but apparently I can't write smut right now?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok first off, I'm super sorry this took forever to update. I had to finish my Best Days fic, and then this chapter was just REALLY hard to write. I hope it makes sense. My poor beta had a huge mess to unfuck. But in OTHER NEWS, before we get to that, [CHECK THIS OUT](http://starsoncheeks.tumblr.com/post/158349704045/when-it-comes-to-eternal-love-he-can-be-patient). Pierrotstripes made fanart for this fic, and I bawled my eyes out when I first saw it. It's beautiful, and I am so impressed and shocked and happy, and oh my goodness.

Kyungsoo watches the elevator doors slide shut in slow motion, reeling from their conversation. He can feel his heartbeat in his ears as he stares numbly at the wall, the tunnel vision receding slowly. ‘It is too late,’ Jongin had said before disappearing.

No. Kyungsoo can’t lose him again. He mashes the elevator button, thoughts finally restarting to loop on ‘ _have to go after Jongin, have to go after Jongin_.’ This is taking too long. He turns to take the stairs and catches a glimpse of his reflection in the hall mirror: he looks wrecked, nearly naked and covered in marks. He wipes at the white stains still on his stomach with his shirt as he races back to his apartment, door still left ajar, to find Chanyeol sitting on the couch. Kyungsoo had forgotten all about him.

“You need to leave,” he says, hearing the indifference in his voice as he hurries to the bedroom for the first pair of pants and shirt he sees to at least cover himself up. “We’re done.”

“What?”

Jongin has to catch a cab. He’s got time. A very finite amount of time. Kyungsoo heads back out to the living room only to have Chanyeol stand in the doorway.

“I gave you what you wanted! I love you! How can you do this to me?”

This actually gives him pause to look back at Chanyeol in disbelief. “You’re asking me this as someone who came home from buying shower gel one day, eight years into a relationship, to tell me that you had found your soulmate and you were leaving me?”

“Is that what this is a—So this is you getting back at me?” Chanyeol asks, his voice creeping higher.

“That was me being so shocked that you could even try to take that line of argument,” Kyungsoo says as he sidesteps Chanyeol, barely remembering to grab his wallet on his way to the door.

Chanyeol runs after him, grabbing onto his shoulder and pulling him back roughly, “I gave up my soulmate to come back to you!”

“No, you said your soulmate needed too much from you,” Kyungsoo says, trying to tug his arm free. “And you couldn’t be in a relationship where both people needed so much from each other. You _left_ him because you panicked. This was why we agreed to casual, which was still a mistake in the first place. Let me go.”

“What am I supposed to do now?” Chanyeol’s eyes were welling. There should be a side of Kyungsoo that feels empathetic toward him right now. _Should_.

“Go home. Or go back to Baekhyun and try again,” Kyungsoo offers. This is wasting time.

“I said I’d be fine with all of us. I _meant_ it. You’re drunk. It’s just an infatuation. You were just wanting what you can’t have, and you’ve _had_ him now,” Chanyeol begs, blocking the door now that Kyungsoo has freed himself, long limbs filling up the frame.

“ _Move_.”

“We’ve been together since we were _kids_.”

“Even without Jongin, we would have still been over,” Kyungsoo says, growing frustrated and momentarily wrestling with Chanyeol to get to the doorknob and finally getting it open to push past him. “We’ve just been postponing acknowledging it.”

—

Jongin is gone by the time Kyungsoo makes it outside. He doesn’t answer his calls or texts. Kyungsoo manages to flag down a stray taxi. The ride forces Kyungsoo’s thoughts to slow down enough for the realization of what the fuck just happened to really settle in. Randomly, he recalls that Jongin’s pink sweater was still on his living room floor. Something that he's spent all night fixated on and it's such an insignificant, meaningless detail now. How could he be this _stupid_.

“Jongin, please! Open up!” he shouts, throat running dry and leaning his forehead against the door. It’s been five minutes of hollering now, and Jongin’s next door neighbor had come out to give him the evil eye.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Kyungsoo digs through his wallet and fishes out Jongin’s spare key. He feels hope swelling like a bubble inside him all the way up to when the chain lock stops the door from opening further.

“We need to talk!” he shouts again, sticking his face in the gap and leaning his weight against the door to test the chain's strength. A small whine comes from below, and Kyungsoo looks down to—oh _fuck_ , Jongin’s going to kill him.

“Shit, _shitshitshit_ , shit!” Kyungsoo drops to his knees. “No,” he whimpers, “Monggu... _Monggu_ ...fuck—oh no, it’s okay, Monggu…” The puppy had managed to somehow stick his head through the gap. Letting go of the door had let the tension off the chain, and the puppy starts making more panicked noises. Kyungsoo swears loudly and pushes against the door. Monggu tries to yank his head back to the other side, but he must have done some sort of canine yoga to worm his way through it. _Shit_.

“What the- _Monggu_!” he hears Jongin shriek and footsteps hurriedly approach the other side of the door.

“He’s stuck,” Kyungsoo says, wedging his foot in above the puppy to keep the door open.

“What did you _do_?” Jongin snaps and tries to free the dog, but stops once Monggu starts yipping louder.

“I just- I opened the door and the chain—I didn’t see him!” Kyungsoo says, racking his brain. They can’t exactly close the door to undo the damn chain.

“Oh my god, oh my god,” Jongin chants.

“Here.” Kyungsoo slips his shoes off and jams them in the space above Monggu’s head. “I’ll go get the maintenance guy. Hold on.”

It takes ten agonizingly long minutes to even _locate_ the complex’s maintenance guy, who took forever to be stirred from his sleep and answer the door. And then he wanted to waste even more time by going to see the damage first. Luckily, Kyungsoo’s frazzled outburst convinced him that the situation was urgent enough to merit him bringing along his bolt cutters. A quick snap, and Monggu is freed, huddling into Jongin’s chest pitifully as Kyungsoo keeps the other two dogs from trying to escape.

“Yeah, yeah,” Kyungsoo says, shutting the door after the maintenance guy reminds him that they’ll have to pay for a new chain. Jongin is still sitting on the floor in the hallway, curled up around the dog. He doesn’t acknowledge Kyungsoo when he crouches down in front of them.

“Jongin, we have to talk.”

Jongin sighs into Monggu’s fur and pulls himself to standing. “That was terrifying,” he says quietly, avoiding eye contact. “I’m drained. I’m drunk. I don't want to fight. Can we talk later?”

“You’re not drunk. We have to talk. Or you can just listen.”

Jongin shakes his head stubbornly, walking to the living room and curling up on the couch with Monggu in his lap. Kyungsoo trails after and joins him on the opposite end, watching Jongin's Adam's apple bob as he swallows. “I’m sorry.” His eyes were previously red and watering again, and he looks down. “I-...I was...I don’t know. I was horny and drunk and lonely, and...that's no excuse. It was a completely stupid mistake. I should've left when we first got back to your place. I—”

“I broke up with Chanyeol.”

Jongin has to take a moment to recover from that and looks up at Kyungsoo. “Please don’t tell me you came here for sex,” he says in a small voice.

Kyungsoo sputters and scoots closer on the couch with his hands up. “That’s not what I meant.”

“I just want to go to sleep right now,” Jongin says miserably. “We can just pretend that didn’t happen, can’t we?”

“We’re always pretending the things between us haven’t happened,” Kyungsoo says, slowly reaching out to cover Jongin’s hand with his. “I don't think we can pretend this away this time. And it seems to always just make things worse anyway.” Jongin flinches at the touch but doesn’t pull his hand away. “I should have- I fucked up. I _keep_ fucking things up with us. I should have just gone after you when you and Sehun broke up, but I didn’t- You were hurt—I wanted you to kiss me with a clear head. I didn’t want you to feel like I was taking advantage of you when you were vulnerable.” It sounds so hypocritical now. Like he wasn’t ripping Jongin’s clothes off barely an hour ago. “I kept hoping-”

Jongin lets out something between a laugh and a sob and shakes his head again. “Just tell me we can still be friends please.”

“What-”

“Please,” Jongin says, pulling his hand away to cover his face. “That’s all we can have. Please tell me I didn’t fuck that up too.”

“Jongin, you _know_ I haven’t cared about anybody else since we’ve _met_ ,” Kyungsoo says, tugging Jongin’s hands back down. “Not even since we got to know each other. Ever since Day One. I didn’t care about Chanyeol when he came back either, I just wanted a distraction from moping over you and Sehun all the time. I-...You... _have_ to know I’m in love with you. That I’ve _been_ in love with you.”

Jongin gives him a humorless smile. “I’ve never seen you act the way you did again like when we first met. Not to me, not to anybody. You can be an asshole sometimes. A _lot_ of times. But you were never cruel.” He wipes at the wetness on his face, and looks around the room, fighting the fresh tears welling. “The only time you were like that was back then, when I was willing to look past anything just so I could be with m-my soulmate. And it lasted _exactly_ long enough for me to give up. And then it’s like you were cured from your madness, and the fog lifted or whatever, and you were back to yourself again.”

“Jongin, no-”

“This wouldn’t be just a relationship. It's not like we can just be like, 'Hey, let's date and see what happens!’ and keep it casual and test it out. We were each other’s _soulmates_ , and then we lost that.” Jongin sniffles and drops Monggu down to the floor to hug his arms around himself, looking small and tired. “At least if we’re friends, I can have you in my life. But if we try to be more, ...this is what happens. We can't go against it.”

“That has _no_ basis, Jongin.” He can see Jongin thumbing his ring finger again and reaches out to pull the hand toward himself, carefully brushing over the knuckles. “You _know_ there’s no going back now. We can only try to make this work.”

“How do you explain this then, Soo?” Jongin says, sounding numb and distant. “How could I pull the thread? Why were you like that, when it was totally not who you are? Why is it that when I started having problems with Sehun and wanted to end it, Ch- that _fucking asshole_ comes back into your life?”

“Maybe it’s all a test,” Kyungsoo says. “Soulmates who find each other aren’t necessarily happy, and many stay together out of sheer, stubborn pride and the belief that this is just who they’re meant to be with, so they’ll just have to accept-”

Jongin scoffs. “So we escaped that then, and now you want to try and force it to happen anyway?”

“No. We _are_ happy together. We would be good together. Tell me who knows you better than me.” Kyungsoo spreads Jongin’s palm out and slowly slots their fingers together. “Tell me how we keep running into each other and keep getting second and third and fourth and fifth chances to try again when one of us—usually me— does something inconceivably stupid. Maybe we weren’t meant to meet back then. You said you would’ve done anything. You would’ve just accepted any asshole qualities I had as something you had to deal with.”

“I _still_ have to accept any asshole qualities you have,” Jongin mutters petulantly, and Kyungsoo braves scooting closer to pinch his shoulder. It’s a familiar action, easy, and it’s enough to make Jongin momentarily forget the clusterfuck they’re in and smile for a split second.

“But you don’t let me get away with it. You call me out,” Kyungsoo argues. “Or you come back with your own bitchy shit. You wanna believe in fate? Tell me that’s not fate. We met in a point of our lives when we weren’t ready to handle each other, but now, even without being in a romantic relationship, we’re closer than... _anybody_ I can think of. Maybe these things _had_ to happen.”

“Look me in the eye and tell me you had to take two guys up your ass for fate, Soo.”

Kyungsoo ignores him. “We do _dumb shit_. That doesn’t mean we’re doomed. Everyone does dumb shit, they just hide it or we don’t care enough to see.”

“Are you okay, by the way?” Jongin’s voice has softened, tinged with worry. “From...earlier?”

“I’ll live,” Kyungsoo dismisses, watching him carefully. It's better to just not think about that. He uses the momentum of the conversation to pull Jongin toward him, snaking his arm under Jongin’s neck, and they end up in a sort of side cuddle on the couch. “You have two choices. You can let me wear you down and eventually try to make this work. To make _us_ work. Or you can run from it. But it’ll break my heart if you run again. And we’ll just find each other again. It will just hurt more next time. And maybe...that’s what we need or something, but god, I hope not. I can't lose you, Nini.”

Jongin is silent for a long time. He shifts and fidgets in his spot before scrubbing at his eyes. “I’m so tired,” he finally says. “I don’t know what to say. It hurts to think.”

“Say I can stay, and we can talk more about it in the morning,” Kyungsoo suggests, leaning into Jongin’s hair only to have him tense up and pull away to look back at Kyungsoo warily. “...Not for any ulterior reasons,” Kyungsoo says. “Sex is the furthest thing from my mind right now.”

Jongin searches his eyes and then nods tiredly, rolling onto his feet and helping Kyungsoo up as well. They walk silently to the bedroom, trailed by the poodles. Jongin crawls into bed and scoots close to the wall, back facing him as the dogs leap up on the mattress.

Kyungsoo takes a step forward and stops. “Uh...I'm gonna rinse off really quick. I'll be right back, okay?”

“Th’sfine,” Jongin mumbles sleepily. He'll likely be out by the time Kyungsoo gets back.

The shower probably took less than a minute. Kyungsoo comes back to the room and nervously climbs into the bed. They've fallen asleep together before, but it would've been going way too far back then to actually do it on purpose. With a sigh, Kyungsoo repeats to himself for the umpteenth time that everything between them should've happened under different circumstances if only he kept his head out of his own ass. He scoots as close as he dares, and after a moment of deliberation, rests a hand on Jongin's waist. He can feel Jongin tense up, but before Kyungsoo can pull his hand away, Jongin brings his up to cover it.

“G’sleep, Soo.”

—

Jongin wakes up to a throbbing headache. His mouth feels like it's stuffed with sand, and his body is sweltering hot. The room is dimly lit with the rising sun, and he feels his stomach churn threateningly. As he kicks the covers off, it slowly registers, in fragmented bits, that Kyungsoo is in his bed, snuggled up next to him, hand still clasped with Jongin's and uncomfortably sweaty now, Jjangah laying her head in the crook of his neck. The memories from last night come rushing back.

They kissed last night. They _had sex_ last night.

He's so dehydrated, between the alcohol and the crying and the- _ohgodohfuckno_ , they really had sex last night. Jongin gingerly climbs over Kyungsoo's legs and dashes to the bathroom, feeling his stomach lurch. The pulsing in his right temple has gotten worse. His head feels like it is going to split in two. Maybe he should make himself vomit? His body is protesting last night's poison, but all Jongin can focus on right now is an agonizing replay of the events that occurred.

Jongin pads quietly back into the bedroom, wincing as the babies leap off the bed to him and start whining for attention. But thankfully, Kyungsoo stays asleep. Good. Jongin needs more time to process this.

Fifteen minutes later, Jongin comes back to the apartment to the smell of food. It would be pleasant if the idea of food wasn't revolting right now. Or if he wasn't terrified to find the source of the cooking right now.

“Morning,” Kyungsoo says hesitantly, leaning against the counter as he watches Jongin's face.

“I-” Jongin's brain fails him for several seconds as he gapes like a goldfish, struggling for words. “I had to take the kids out to pee.”

“I know,” Kyungsoo says, staring at him like he was expecting something. Right. Because of course he was.

“Are...you doing okay?” God, this is so awkward. They're never awkward with each other.

“Do you hate me?” Kyungsoo asks. His hand jerks minutely, like he was about to reach out for Jongin and decided in the last millisecond against it.

“Of course not,” Jongin says quickly. This is too close to the first night Jongin got drunk and woke up in Kyungsoo's apartment. After another pause, Kyungsoo pushes a glass of water and two gel pills toward him on the counter, and Jongin accepts them with shaky hands. Too close.

“You know, if all you wanted from me was friendship, I would be fine with that. I would accept it. Happily.” Kyungsoo waits for Jongin to finish swallowing the pills before continuing. “Soulmates aren't just restricted to being _in_ love. They're supposed to complete their other halves. And you already are that for me.”

Finally, he looks down at his hands and Jongin can breathe without that piercing gaze trying to ferret answers out of places he's kept hidden for years. Or it gives him some small reprieve anyway.

“But I see how you look at me too,” Kyungsoo continues. “I _know_ you want more too.”

The pause stretches on uncomfortably. He knows Kyungsoo's giving him time to answer, but all Jongin can feel is the pressure, not the patience. “Did it ever occur to you that...maybe one day, you would wake up and your string would lead to somebody else? Or that mine would?” he asks, shakily voicing one of his biggest fears. “And if we were together, then what would we do if we get the clearest sign that we _aren't_ supposed to be?”

Kyungsoo shakes his head. “I don't love you because a magic string on my finger tells me to,” he says, hand edging toward Jongin's on the countertop. Their fingertips touch, and Jongin lifts his to overlap Kyungsoo's nails. He knows, without looking back up, that they're both staring at their own respective remnants of their strings. The frayed end of Jongin's just hangs down and drags along the countertop. Like it always has since the last time he woke up to Kyungsoo after a hangover. He can't imagine it ever hanging in the air again, to lead him to Kyungsoo or, hopefully not, to anyone else.

“I'm scared,” Jongin confesses.

“I'm scared too,” Kyungsoo says, flipping his hand over to curl their fingers together. This is something new, and it's terrifyingly addictive, all these little touches. They've always been affectionate, but physical contact has been limited to things that could be explained away as just playfulness or innocent, casual gestures. This, just their fingers resting on each other, not even to where they're really holding hands, sweeps an oddly soothing sensation through Jongin, like this is how things are just supposed to be. How they could have been. It fills him with fear too. He wants to pull away and retreat to more familiar grounds, but their familiar grounds were scorched and salted last night. Kyungsoo is right. There was no going back.

“I don't know what to do,” Jongin says shakily.

“How about this,” Kyungsoo suggests. “You can either call in, and we can just take it easy today...eat breakfast, go walk the kids...or you can go to school if you're feeling up to it, and...I'll meet you for lunch?”

“Oh right, you're off today…” Jongin mutters absently. Kyungsoo tugs his hand, and he finds himself automatically walking closer until they're just inches apart, both hands laced together loosely.

“Can I hug you?” Kyungsoo asks, sounding like he's speaking to a cornered animal. It's not too far from the truth, really.

“You don't need to ask to hug me,” Jongin says, pulling him in and wrapping his own arms around the elder's shoulders. He can feel Kyungsoo sighing hot air into his chest as arms fold around his waist. It makes him cling even tighter.

“Are we okay?” Kyungsoo whispers against his shirt. It's a small comfort, that Kyungsoo sounds almost as terrified as he is.

“We have to be,” Jongin says. He doesn't dare feel hope, but he can at least admit to himself that there was only one way to go forth now.

“What do you want to do?” Kyungsoo asks. He showed no signs of wanting to let go.

There's a long delay. Most of it was just Jongin trying to hold onto the moment and burn it into his memory, but eventually he has to answer. “I think going to work would be best” he says quietly. “It’ll give us both a little time to...let this sink in?”

Kyungsoo nods against his chest and leans back enough to look up at his face. Jongin's gaze snags on the bright red mark on the side of Kyungsoo's neck and he stops breathing. “What is it?” Kyungsoo asks, eyes full of concern.

“I, uh…” Jongin purses his lips and lifts a hand to graze over the mark briefly. “Sorry.”

Surprisingly, Kyungsoo's lips curl up in a small, almost shy smile. “Go eat. We're gonna miss the bus.”

“Are you coming with me?” Jongin asks as he lets Kyungsoo push him toward the stove.

“I can catch the next one…” Kyungsoo offers.

“Don't be crazy,” Jongin says, sitting down at the dining table nervously. Same meal as last time too. At least it wasn't at Kyungsoo's apartment this time.

Kyungsoo has to scoop Jjanggu into his lap to be able to eat peacefully, the other two still occasionally nudging at his ankles for attention, but at least there was no puppy whining at him now. He doesn't seem to mind, one hand scratching the back of the dog's ears as he eats.

“I missed my stepkids,” he says around his fork.

Jongin smiles. “They missed you. I think that was probably why Monggu was so...eager to get to you last night.”

“He's okay, right?” Kyungsoo asks. “I didn't even think to check.”

“He's fine,” Jongin says. “He was threatening the neighbor's chihuahua again this morning. He's fine.”

—

People rushing to get off the bus to get to their next destinations have no consideration for other people’s tender moments. So instead of having some sort of sweet goodbye before Jongin walks down the block to his school, they’re jostled, shoulders clipped, until Kyungsoo gives up and squeezes Jongin’s hand, saying a quick, “Go, I’ll see you in a bit.” He barely gets a chance to respond before a burly man steps between them in his haste to get onto the bus before it can take off.

This feels so right. It fills him with dread, like they’re being lured into a trap. Jongin thumbs at his finger all day long, watching the red thread refuse to respond, like it always has. He keeps eyeing the clock, watching it tick down ever closer to lunchtime. The weather is lovely. The staff is drama-free today. Even his kids are all well-behaved. His hangover has completely faded away with an hour left to spare. Things are not supposed to be perfect. This is not going to be perfect. Something is going to happen. Jongin’s psyching himself out so badly, he almost bursts into tears when his phone vibrates with a text from Kyungsoo. Oh god, what if he got hit by a car or something, but then if he did, how in the hell is he texting—

 **_Soo ⊙♡⊙:_ ** _  
_ _I made chicken_   
Sound good to you?

Does he think this is a fucking game? Jongin’s nerves are shot. He can’t be discussing chicken right now. His fingers mash the screen angrily:

_Yes_

The bell rings and Jongin lets out a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding as he lines the kids up to go to the cafeteria. His palms are sweating. This is almost worse than this morning or last night. This isn’t drama. It’s not fighting or pining or lust or reconciliation. This is supposed to be them trying to make it work between them. As he drops the class off at the entrance to the cafeteria, he looks down at his finger again, at the thread hanging down limply.

He wants to text Kyungsoo and tell him he can’t do it yet, to stay away today. He even has his phone in hand and ready, looking at the chat history as his fingers hover over the keyboard.

But there’s no going back. And Jongin can hear familiar footsteps echoing down the empty hallway. He drags his hand all over his face and breathes in deeply, sitting down at his desk and laying his head on his arms. T-minus thirty seconds. He can do this. It’s just lunch with Kyungsoo. It’s not even a date. Something they’ve done possibly a thousand times already.

Someone knocks. Jongin reluctantly lifts his head back up and turns to see Kyungsoo standing in the doorway, holding tupperware under one arm.

“Hey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, huge thank you to my beautiful beta At1stSight for all of her help. Fun fact, this chapter is like 4.3k. Fun times. Anyway, I'm so sorry that took forever. I'm trying to decide if I should knock out the next chapter for this or if I should work on the ending of IWMM. Thoughts?


	9. Chapter 9

“Um, hi,” Jongin replies, nervously getting to his feet. It’s been...what, four hours since they last saw each other? To say there were butterflies in his stomach is an understatement. Jongin feels like he’s about to chuck. It’s almost worse than when he first woke up with the hangover this morning.

“It’s really nice outside,” Kyungsoo says, lifting the tupperware. “Wanna go eat on the playground?”

“Yeah,” Jongin says weakly as he makes his way closer.

Kyungsoo reaches out and touches his arm, looking concerned. “Breathe, Jongin.”

He didn’t even realize he was holding his breath. Jongin sucks in air and the headiness goes away a bit.

“Don’t be scared. It’s just me.”

They wander through the playground and past the gate bordering it to the wooded area behind the school. There’s a little creek and some of the rocks near it were large and flat, making ideal seating. The last time they were out here, Jongin found a snake and they both took off for the school so fast, they were sweating and panting and giggling by the time they got to the teacher’s lounge. Which only spurred on the rumors that he and Kyungsoo— _ clearly _ Jongin’s boyfriend—were hooking up on school property. It also didn’t help that Kyungsoo tried to start some shit with those teachers when he found out, so ready to defend Jongin’s honor.

There’s a little smile on Kyungsoo’s lips as he sits down on one of the rocks, crossing his legs underneath him. Jongin wonders if he’s remembering the same thing. He sits down on another rock, careful to check for fire ants this time, and accepts the container from Kyungsoo. It was still warm.

“Geez, this is fresh,” Jongin says, cracking the lid open. It’s basically gochujang, chicken, and mozzarella cheese, in nearly equal proportions, with some other things that Kyungsoo throws in to make it actually palatable for others. It’s his favorite.

“Can’t have you eating cold food,” Kyungsoo says, poking at his own meal. “Has that Doo-Young asshole said anything to you by the way?”

Jongin snorts and shakes his head. Yep. Thinking of the same thing. “Pretty sure you scared the shit out of him,” he says, popping a piece of chicken into his mouth. Mmm. “He won’t even look at me.”

It occurs to him a few minutes later that he kind of forgot to be nervous. It’s still just Kyungsoo. He still knows pretty much every facet of Jongin’s life, since most of the time he’s involved in it.

“So are you gonna catch the tadpoles again?” Kyungsoo asks, looking down at the creek.

Jongin shakes his head as he takes a large gulp out of their water bottle. “I can’t. We’ll have to just use diagrams. Last time, Shikyung ate one of them.”

“He  _ ate _ a tadpole,” Kyungsoo repeats for confirmation.

“Yep. Was really proud of it too. Drew me a picture of it,” Jongin says, pulling his phone out and swiping through his gallery to show Kyungsoo. “Said it tasted like spinach.”

Kyungsoo makes a disgusted face, shaking his head slowly. “That boy’s mother must have bargained with the devil to keep him alive.”

There’s a lull in the conversation. Some birds are chirping overhead, leaves rustling from a gentle wind, and the two stare at each other awkwardly in the silence. This is it. This is the moment the magic shatters.

Jongin gasps at the touch on his cheek, body jerking in surprise as Kyungsoo cups his face. The hand slides to the back of his head and pulls him forward until their foreheads rest against each other. Kyungsoo's eyes are closed. Jongin is too aware of their breathing, of his heart racing in his chest.

“It’s just me, Nini,” Kyungsoo whispers. “We're not rushing into anything. We're the same people.”

“I know,” Jongin says, hearing how shaky and unconvincing his voice sounds. But he  _ does _ know. He's aware. But his body doesn't seem to care for facts. It's just terrified.

Kyungsoo pulls away and sits back, regarding him carefully. “Do you want some time alone? I guess just a morning isn't...really a lot of time to think about things.”

Jongin bites the inside of his cheek, considering it. He doesn't, but if he can't  _ breathe  _ normally when they're together, then there are clearly problems that he has to work out. “Yeah, I think so.”

“Just...don't run away?” Kyungsoo asks.

“I won't,” he promises.

—

Kyungsoo is moping around in his apartment when a familiar ringtone goes off. He has to chase after his phone when he tries to dig it out of his pocket and sends it flying across the room. “Hello?” he nearly shouts into it.

“...You...okay?” Jongin asks.

“I dropped my phone,” Kyungsoo explains.

“Oh.” A few seconds of silence. “What are you doing?”

_ Thinking about you, missing you, waiting for you,  _ Kyungsoo thinks. “Nothing. You?”

“Scheduling parent-teacher conferences for Friday,” Jongin answers, a sneer in his voice.

“Yikes, that time of year already?” Kyungsoo says.

“I swear, if that lady tries to tell me how to do my job again, I'm gonna let her kid bring home all his crafts projects every single day for the rest of the semester.”

Kyungsoo snickers, “You're really going to unleash the fairy herpes on her?”

“Not just glitter! Macaroni, fingerpaints, all the bugs he can find, you name it. Every. Day.”

“Vindictive,” Kyungsoo says, beaming from ear to ear.

“She's a bitch, and she doesn't pay attention to her kids,” Jongin growls.

“Have you eaten?” Kyungsoo asks.

“Yeah, I grabbed something earlier,” Jongin mumbles, and Kyungsoo can hear his planner shut and chair squeak across the floor. There's a soft grunt, followed by a cushioned thud, and Jongin lets out a long, muffled sigh.

“Sleepy?” Kyungsoo asks, picturing Jongin crawling into bed.

“Just resting,” Jongin says, voice still muffled by the pillow. 

Kyungsoo can hear his breathing deepen. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

“...Are you crying?”

“What?” Jongin yelps into the phone. “No, I'm not crying.”

“I thought...you were breathing all weird, so…”

Predictably, more silence. Jongin finally answers sheepishly, “My pillow...smells like you.”

Kyungsoo holds his breath. “Is that a good thing or bad?”

Jongin takes his time to answer. “It makes me miss you.”

That was unexpected. Even alone in his own apartment, Kyungsoo covers the surprised grin on his face. “I miss you too.”

“No,” Jongin says, grunting again as he rolls around on the bed to settle in more comfortably. “No, it always makes me miss you. Every time you stay over at my place.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t know how to respond to that. He knows Jongin is scared, and then to go and confess something like that… He doesn’t want to break the spell. “I didn’t know I had a smell.”

“You do.”

“What do I smell like?”

“Clean,” Jongin says, voice a little muffled. Kyungsoo pictures him burying his face in the pillow again and can feel his cheeks straining. “And warm. And safe.”

Kyungsoo’s heart is ready to burst.

“What do I smell like?” Jongin asks.

_ Like home _ . Kyungsoo swallows and purses his lips. “Like fried chicken and wet dog,” he teases.

Jongin makes an offended sound. “I do  _ not _ !”

“And that’s on a good day,” he adds.

“Kyungsoo!”

Kyungsoo giggles as Jongin makes lukewarm threats at him, hearing them die down to little whiny grumbles. God, he misses him. “Facetime me?”

Jongin doesn’t answer. His phone beeps a second later with the request, and Kyungsoo accepts, watching the screen load and Jongin looking back at him. They stare at each other. He watches Jongin chew on his bottom lip nervously. “What is it?”

“Nothing,” Jongin says hurriedly, looking down.

“Clearly not,” Kyungsoo says.

Jongin worries his lip some more before sighing and looking back at the phone. “How’d he take it?”

Tricky territory… “Not well,” Kyungsoo says, laying onto his side. “But he didn’t trash my place when I got back...so not  _ that _ badly either, right?”

“Are...are you okay?” Jongin asks.

Kyungsoo watches him carefully. “I honestly would’ve broken up with him months ago, but I kind of...this is gonna sound like such bullshit, but I swear. I kind of just forgot about him? I was busy worrying about you and barely saw him, and we hadn’t...done anything in weeks.”

“The night I took the guy home from the bar,” Jongin says.

“...Yeah,” Kyungsoo answers, frowning at the memory.

“You were mad at me…” Jongin says quietly.

“I wasn’t mad,” Kyungsoo says. He only hesitates for a second. This is the time for honesty. “I was scared you’d move onto somebody new. And I was hurt, but I didn’t have any right to be hurt. So I was just frustrated.”

More silence. But he can at least see Jongin’s face now, and Jongin just looks sympathetic. “That’s how I felt too,” he says eventually.

Kyungsoo nods, watching Jongin mull over something.

“I thought you didn’t bottom,” Jongin says suddenly.

“What?”

“You told me you don’t bottom,” Jongin repeats.

“You told me  _ you _ don’t bottom,” Kyungsoo counters, furrowing his brows.

“I said I don’t  _ like _ to, because it hurts sometimes,” Jongin argues.

“Well, I don’t like to, because I prefer to top,” Kyungsoo says.

“But…” Jongin trails off, mouth fluttering uselessly.

“He took advantage of the situation, and I was fine with it, because...I wanted to just focus on you, and that kind of...allowed me to,” Kyungsoo says, feeling his cheeks warm at having to talk about this. “And then it was supposed to be just us…”

“You know I hate him, right?” Jongin asks, scowling at him.

Kyungsoo purses his lips. “Yeah, well, I’m not feeling too charitable toward him very much today either.”

“Does...it hurt?” Jongin asks.

“I’m sore as fuck,” Kyungsoo admits.

“I’m sorry…” Jongin says, looking rather remorseful.

“It’s not your fault.”

“But making you run all over the city, and the apartment complex, and walking to school and back; that’s my fault,” Jongin says sadly.

“I’d do it again in a heartbeat,” Kyungsoo says.

Jongin look down shyly, hair falling over his eyes. “What time do you have to be at work tomorrow?”

“Too early,” Kyungsoo replies. “Just sleep in.” Jongin frowns. “I’ll meet you for lunch again.” The frown deepens. He can see Jongin deliberating whether he wants to push again. “What is it?”

“Doesn’t this seem...too easy to you?” Jongin asks softly.

Sometimes he forgets that he fucked Jongin up so badly when they first met. And that Jongin was an innocent, naive little virgin back then. Not that he’s  _ that _ much less innocent and naive nowadays, but...he’s grown a lot more suspicious of happiness and fate. Because of Kyungsoo. “I think it feels easy because we’re finally not fighting it anymore,” he says.

“I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop…”

Kyungsoo sighs. “You’re not going to lose me.”

Jongin doesn’t answer. Over a minute goes by. He doesn’t make eye contact with the camera, but rather just stares blankly at his sheets, looking sad.

“Let’s...go out Friday night?” Kyungsoo asks.

Jongin blinks out of his daze and finally looks back at the screen. “What?”

“After your conferences are over.”

“Like…” Jongin licks his lips nervously. “...Like a date?”

“Yeah.” He can see the panic in Jongin’s eyes. “Just a date. Just like...food. Dinner and a movie. We don’t even need to dress up. Cheap date.”

Jongin’s mouth continues to flap. He flails for nearly half a minute before he finally swallows, Adam’s apple bobbing, and takes a deep breath. “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So 1.9k, shorter chapter this time. Ummm, I think there are 2 chapters left.


	10. Chapter 10

_ “Kyungsoo…” _

A small moan slips out of his lips, barely audible under the water cascading down over him as Kyungsoo's hand speeds up over his length, eyes clenched shut as he tries to recall Jongin's blissed-out face when Kyungsoo sucked him off.

_ “Kyungsoo…” _

The way Jongin's lips always pucker into that little pout every time he says Kyungsoo's name, but the look in his face that night...the lost, glassy eyes, his soft moans, how he was so swept away, inebriated and aroused, to say anything other than mindlessly chants of Kyungsoo's name.  _ Fuck. _ He was so tight. So ready to come undone as Kyungsoo teased them both until the moment was lost and gone. His sweet mouth parted and panting and, god, so eagerly moaning out Kyungsoo's name for more.

_ “Kyungsoo…” _

His orgasm sweeps through his body and he strokes his way through it slowly, leaning on the cold shower tile for support. His cock finally finishes spurting out the last of his release onto the wall and Kyungsoo allows himself a couple more breaths before scrubbing the evidence away.

—

Poor Jongin is having a bad day. Which, of course, is unfortunate...but secretly, Kyungsoo is enjoying it. He adores mopey Jongin. Mopey Jongin is clingy and whiney and needs cuddles. They weren't even supposed to see each other today. A tiny little hopeful part of him suspects that maybe Jongin didn't want to stay away that much, and used the bad day as an excuse to spend time together, too.

Jongin came over, they ate a quick dinner, and now Kyungsoo's heart is so full and content as Jongin splays himself out on the couch atop the elder, whining some more about the kids making a huge mess with the class hamster today and then the sixth grade teacher being a salty bitch about some old drama that Jongin got dragged into his first year working there. He is totally for all of this skinship. It's not even arousing or sexual or anything, just...contact, and he loves it.

“I can hear your heartbeat,” Jongin murmurs, eyes fluttering shut as Kyungsoo continues to thread his fingers through his hair, scratching gently over Jongin’s scalp. The elder hums in response and kicks at the end of the couch to hook the throw blanket up, covering them both.

“Take a nap,” Kyungsoo says, twirling a lock of hair in between his thumb and forefinger. “I’ll wake you up in a bit.”

“No, you won’t,” Jongin smiles and stretches his legs out to hang off the side of the couch. “You’ll just fall asleep too. I need to get home.”

“Fifteen minute nap,” Kyungsoo says. “And I'll wake you, I swear.”

“My babies are gonna pee all over my apartment,” Jongin grumbles.

“They've got like another hour at least,” Kyungsoo argues. “And emergency puppy pads laid out, no?”

“They do…” Jongin says, clearly tempted.

“Nap,” Kyungsoo orders.

 

It’s over forty minutes later when Jongin’s drool seeping into Kyungsoo’s shirt finally wakes them up. He nearly pouts as Jongin rolls off of him with a squawk, panicking as he gathers up his planner and books.

“Sorry,” Kyungsoo says, pulling himself up and looking contrite.

Jongin actually stops what he’s doing to give him a shy smile. “I knew what was gonna happen,” he says. “But my poor babies!”

“Tell them it was my fault,” Kyungsoo says, following him to the door and watching as Jongin hops around on one foot to stuff his other foot into a shoe.

Jongin snorts and jams his other foot into the remaining shoe, shuffling toward the door to wiggle it into place. “Tell my  _ floors _ it was your fault,” he says.

“Hey,” Kyungsoo says, waiting for Jongin to turn back around in the hallway, before giving him a weak shove. “Next time, just use the damn key so you don’t have to wait for me to actually get back.”

Jongin mumbles something inaudible, and Kyungsoo has to ask him to repeat. “It wasn’t an emergency,” he repeats.

“Oh, okay,” Kyungsoo says, staring him down. “So I can be comfortable at your place, but you are just an odd guest at mine?”

Jongin chews on his bottom lip, and— _ there _ —there’s that look from earlier again. He didn’t imagine it. Kyungsoo fights the thrill that shoots down his spine, and sticks his tongue out at Jongin instead. “I just feel weird,” Jongin says.

“Well, don’t,” Kyungsoo says, fighting reaching out and doing something stupid like grabbing his hand or just straight up kissing him goodnight or something.

Jongin seems to be fighting his own impulses, rolling back and forth on his heels nervously before suddenly remembering why he’s standing in the hall in the first place. “Crap, I gotta go,” he rushes out, turning toward the elevator. “I’ll text you when I get home.”

He feels stupidly giddy, like a teenager with a crush. It’s ridiculous. But in the two plus years that they’ve known each other, Kyungsoo knows Jongin better than anybody. And this is his  _ soulmate _ . And then on top of all of that, Jongin’s always been transparent with his feelings. He practically skips back into his apartment and walks to the kitchen to clean up the dishes. Friday can’t come soon enough.

—

He takes Jongin out for patbingsu on Wednesday night.  _ It is not a date _ , he emphasizes to quell Jongin’s nerves. It’s just a little cart near the bus stop, and he just ‘ _ happened’  _ to be craving some, and he knows how much Jongin loves it even though he always skips it in his hurry to get home to his kids. The  _ look _ is still there when Kyungsoo steals Jongin’s adzuki and offers his mini taiyaki in exchange. His heart can’t take much more of this. Kyungsoo wants one of those Hollywood spur-of-the-Kodak-moments where he just dips Jongin to the side and kisses him. He wants to fulfil what Jongin’s eyes have been asking for. But instead, he fights the temptation to lick his lips, and stuffs another bite of shaved ice and condensed milk into his mouth.

They are always messing things up. And by ‘they’, he means himself. They can do it right this time. Jongin’s still such a romantic even after everything. He deserves a first kiss after a first date. Well, yes, they’ve kissed before, and...then they had sex immediately after that, but...their First Kiss  _ moment  _ can still proceed after their first date. How things should be. Kyungsoo can give him that at least. It can still be perfect.

There’s a moment he’s sure Jongin was just gonna say ‘fuck it’ and go for it, where he was just staring blankly at Kyungsoo’s lips, but then he feels a swipe across his bottom lip and Jongin’s finger comes into view with a piece of kiwi that eventually vanishes into Jongin’s own mouth later. He can’t even remember what they spent the last hour talking about, and to be honest, he’s not sure Jongin could either. This feeling, like he was floating, like there was only good left in the world, like waking up after a full, restful sleep...it is surreal and amazing and Kyungsoo is just enjoying the wave.

They walk back to the bus stop, Kyungsoo’s fingers fidgeting as he watches Jongin’s wrap around his pile of books.  _ Patience _ . He can be patient. It’s only two more days.

—

Jongin makes it almost all the way through Thursday without seeing or talking to Kyungsoo. It’s almost unbearable. What is  _ wrong _ with him? They’ve gone...like, entire  _ days _ without seeing each other. Not many days, but...they’ve seen each other every day this week. He can’t be like this. He needs to chill.

Apparently ‘chilling’ to Kim Jongin’s no-chill brain means rushing home, walking his kids, and then standing around in Boon, wondering if he should bail before—

“Jongin?” Kyungsoo says, peeking around an armful of boxes. He hobbles the stack carefully over to the counter and sets it down before hurrying over to Jongin, who’s practically whimpering by this point. He’d forgotten how good Kyungsoo looks when he’s at work.

“I...I needed a...uh…” Jongin fumbles, eyes darting around nervously for an excuse. “Scarf?”

Kyungsoo sees right through it and gives him a knowing smirk. He leads Jongin by the elbow, flagging a coworker to signal he’s going on break, and navigates down the employees only hallway. “If you want a scarf, I’ll get you one,” Kyungsoo croons, pulling him into the breakroom. “But you can just have mine.”

Jongin’s too busy staring at the starkness of the skinny black tie against Kyungsoo’s nearly translucent white dress shirt and has to replay what was said before shaking his head. “Oh no,” he mumbles, tearing his eyes away finally. Looking at Kyungsoo’s face is a mistake, but he’s stuck on it now. “It’s okay. I just wanted to....window shop.”

Kyungsoo’s throwing an anthracite grey wool scarf, probably needlessly overpriced, over his neck anyway, rearranging and smoothing it out, eyes focused on his work before leaning back to smile appreciatively. “Keep it,” he says. “It looks better on you than me.”

“Doubtful,” Jongin huffs.

“It goes with the new sweater I got you,” Kyungsoo continues, hands going up to adjust the scarf some more, and then...not going away. The weight on his chest is nice. Comforting.

“I was just gonna look,” Jongin says, putting a little whine into his voice. “You bought it, you need to wear it. Plus, it’s cold tonight.”

“More reason for you to keep it then,” Kyungsoo says.

“I live like right next door,” Jongin reminds him.

“If you get sick tomorrow, I’m dragging you out anyway and we’re gonna watch the midnight showing of Annabelle,” Kyungsoo threatens.

Oh shit, date night.  _ Date night _ . That’s honestly scarier than watching a creepy doll movie. He didn’t need the reminder. Jongin freezes as Kyungsoo cups the side of his face and gives him a concerned look.

“Just a movie, Nini,” Kyungsoo reminds him. If only he could be as calm as Kyungsoo is. Or if only Kyungsoo could feel as panicked as Jongin is. At least then they’d be on a more level playing field. “Han Chu before? Nice and greasy.”

That forces a reluctant smile from Jongin, although it turns into a pout before he can catch himself as Kyungsoo drops his hand. “Sounds good,” he mumbles, picking at the hem of the scarf.

“I’m really happy you came by,” Kyungsoo says softly, looking back down at his hands. It’s a strange sight. It was almost as if Kyungsoo was... _ shy _ or nervous. Kyungsoo does not get shy or nervous.

“Me too,” Jongin admits.

—

He should have cancelled. What was he thinking. This is the Bad Idea to end all bad ideas. They’re doing fine right now. It’s a sign. They don’t need to go on this date. They can just be friends who stare longingly at each other.

He can still cancel. There’s time. And it’s not like Kyungsoo would’ve bought the tickets in advance or something, right? Or he could take someone els—

No, he better fucking not.

Jongin swipes a hand over his face again as he practically jogs over to Kyungsoo’s apartment. He’s over an hour early, but apparently a little rain is enough for parents to cancel their appointments. He already got his kids a babysitter, so it’d be dumb to go back only to come right back this way.

His hand forms a fist and hovers over the door for a moment before Jongin sighs and digs into his pocket for his keys. It feels weird, how the key looks and feels like the keys to his old place just across the hall, how the lock still catches and needs to be jimmied for a bit before it’ll click into place.

Kyungsoo’s nowhere in sight. He’s out of work by now. Maybe he had to run out for groceries or something.

Maybe Jongin should cancel.

He kicks his shoes off instead and sets his books down on the coffee table before heading to the kitchen. Kyungsoo always keeps his favorite drinks on hand. Jongin’s fingers barely wrap around the refrigerator handle when a sound carries through the small apartment and he freezes.

What—

That—

It must have been the neighbors, Jongin tells himself, pushing past the fact that Kyungsoo’s neighbor is an elderly man who lives by himself. Or it was just his imagination.

Except there it is again. And most definitely coming from down the hall. Jongin abandons the kitchen and slowly drags his feet toward Kyungsoo’s bedroom when he hears it again.

That is most  _ definitely  _ a moan. Muffled, but there’s no mistaking that for anything else.

Oh god. Oh god. Oh no.

Is that Chanyeol in there with him? Just some random schlub? Which one’s worse? Why would he do this? The answer is obvious. Because he can’t help himself. Because this is fate telling them to back the fuck up and stay in their own damn lanes, and why haven’t they learned their lessons by now. His eyes sting and water and Jongin swipes at them roughly with his sleeve. He should’ve gone home, and then he wouldn’t have—

No, if he’d just gone home, he never would’ve known. How long has this been going on? Did he not really break up with Chanyeol? Jongin’s ready to flee, but another moan comes from the bedroom, and before he knows it, he’s ripping Kyungsoo’s spare key off of his keychain and angrily fighting his blurred vision to push the bedroom door open in time to hear a breathy—

“Ah _ , Jongin... _ ”

Jongin can only blink as his brain sluggishly reboots. Everything happens in slow motion, the wet squelch still echoing around in his head as Kyungsoo scurries to his feet, one hand yanking the sheets over his crotch, other hand behind his back, the vibrator still buzzing away in some Morse code pattern as he gapes at Jongin.

“W-wha—Jongin, what are—” Kyungsoo tries to stammer out before he scrunches his face up, looking immensely shocked and shame-faced and turns to the side, blindly fiddling with the vibrator as it only ramps up in speed. “What’s going on?”

“I—” Jongin swallows the lump in his throat, unable to turn away. “I...I thought—I thought…”

Finally Kyungsoo manages to silence the vibrator, and Jongin catches a glimpse of it glistening before it gets tucked behind Kyungsoo's back again.

“...Chanyeol,” Jongin finishes lamely, feeling his own face reddening.

Kyungsoo stares at Jongin for several seconds before understanding sinks in. “You th—Jongin, I would  _ never _ —” He's still trying to pull the sheets up to his chest but it snags on the corner of the bed and will only cover half of his stomach, erection still present and obvious under the thin fabric. It only just now starts to filter in: Kyungsoo was  _ masturbating _ . 

Another second, and the first words come back to him. Kyungsoo was moaning his name.

Kyungsoo was touching himself to thoughts of  _ Jongin. _

Something lands on the bed and Kyungsoo hurriedly throws a pillow over it so Jongin only manages to catch another glimpse of the vibrator before Kyungsoo's hopping closer to him, still clutching the sheet. “Nini, I would  _ never _ .”

It takes too long for Jongin to drag his eyes away from the pillow and back to Kyungsoo and his flushed cheeks and damp hair. “Sorry,” he finally manages to say, suddenly too aware of his breathing and realizing that Kyungsoo is still panting.

Kyungsoo reaches for him, only to notice there’s still lube on his hand and lets it hang in the air awkwardly. This is possibly the strangest stand-off of his life. Jongin gives into his curiosity and side-steps him, pulling the pillow away to get a better look at the vibrator. He can vaguely hear Kyungsoo mumbling some excuse or apology or something as he picks it up, feeling how warm just the handle is and thinking how cold Kyungsoo’s hands normally are. How long he must’ve been using this for it to get to this temperature, or if it was just warmed up from the proximity to Kyungsoo’s—

Kyungsoo’s hand slowly wraps around the hot pink phallus and he tries to pull it away with another muttered apology, but Jongin holds onto it tightly and looks back at him. “C-can...I see?”

“What?” Kyungsoo asks, mouth staying slack after.

Jongin advances on him, pushing him back down on the bed, rearranging him to roughly how Kyungsoo was laying before Jongin interrupted. He finds a bottle of lube in one of the folds of the sheets, and pops the cap open, drizzling a dollop onto the head of the toy as Kyungsoo lets the rest of the sheets slide off his body, leaving him fully bare and opening his legs nervously for Jongin. He holds his breath as Jongin lowers the toy between Kyungsoo’s legs and lines it up to his entrance. The rim is still smeared with frothed up lube from earlier. He swallows hard, fighting the temptation to play with it, and rolls the head of the toy against Kyungsoo’s hole, spreading the fresh lube around before pushing in.

“ _ Ohhh _ ,” Kyungsoo moans, drawn out and airy as it slides all the way to the base easily. Jongin gives a few experimental pumps, twisting his wrist with each push and listening to Kyungsoo’s breathing. His cock is almost back to full hardness now, swollen head a deeper red with a clear drop of precum pearling at the tip, threatening to spill down. Jongin pushes the toy all the way in again before turning it to look at the buttons.

“Which one—” he’s cut off by a deep rumbling sound and the subsequent, surprised moan from Kyungsoo as the toy comes to life with the first press of a button. There’s not much vibration in his hand, but he can  _ feel _ how strong it is inside Kyungsoo’s body as he thrusts it in and out gently.

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo mewls, still blushing even as he grabs at his shirt and pulls Jongin down on top of him, mashing their lips together needily. He moans into Jongin’s mouth as Jongin grows more confident with the toy, adjusting the speed and settling on a steady rumble instead of the rhythmic pulse. 

And then it’s Jongin’s turn to whine in confusion as his shirt obstructs his access to Kyungsoo’s lips, but then it’s finally pulled over his head, and they’re back to pressing and sucking into each other’s mouths as he leans over Kyungsoo and pumps faster. He has to let go so Kyungsoo can yank the sleeve off his arm, and he looks down after the offending shirt is tossed aside to see the toy still buzzing away between Kyungsoo’s legs as they occasionally twitch. 

Kyungsoo’s pulled himself up onto his elbows and gets to work on ripping Jongin’s pants off. He grabs the handle again and pulls the vibrator completely out, running the tip of it over Kyungsoo’s balls and flattening it against his cock to watch Kyungsoo moan in surprise and jerk his hips. “I didn’t know you  _ had _ a vibrator,” Jongin mumbles monotonously, staring as he feeds the toy easily back into Kyungsoo’s hole.

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo says impatiently, pulling Jongin back to him and licking hungrily into his mouth again. Jongin’s mind manages to reassemble enough just as Kyungsoo retrieves the bottle of lube and pours a stream onto his cock. He hisses at the cold liquid and watches dumbly as Kyungsoo spreads it down his shaft, stroking it and kissing down Jongin’s neck to bite at his collarbone.

He’s straddling one of Kyungsoo’s thighs, trying to coordinate his strokes as he fucks Kyungsoo with the vibrator while Kyungsoo overwhelms his senses, sucking new hickies into the side of his neck and tugging on his cock, making increasingly needy noises. Jongin spits out curses and pulls Kyungsoo’s hand off his shaft, feeling the familiar heat pooling too quickly in his stomach.

“Fuck, Nini,” Kyungsoo moans, lifting his legs higher and hooking a hand under a knee. His eyes were turning glassy as he stares at Jongin with parted lips, panting into his mouth a moment later. “I need you.  _ Please, I need you _ .”

Reluctantly, Jongin pulls away from his desperate kisses to trail his lips down Kyungsoo’s chest, latching briefly onto a nipple before inhaling Kyungsoo’s cock, bobbing lazily.

“No no no,” Kyungsoo rushes out, loosing a string of broken expletives as he tries to gather enough sense to speak coherently. “ _ Please _ ,” he begs, locking his ankles behind Jongin’s back and trying to pull him back up.

Jongin gives his cock one last hard suck as he slowly pulls off and climbs up Kyungsoo’s body to meet his lips again. Urgent hands grab at his, pushing the vibrator out, and Kyungsoo breaks their kiss to look down, directing Jongin’s cock between his legs. “ _ Please _ ,” he repeats in a whine.

“We—should we-” Jongin babbles even as he pushes into Kyungsoo’s tight heat. It turns into a moan as Kyungsoo adjusts his legs, launching Jongin forward until his hips are flush against Kyungsoo’s ass. They moan in sync and he watches Kyungsoo’s eyes roll back in relief as he starts moving. He wants to go slow, to make this moment meaningful, but Kyungsoo keeps yanking him forward for each thrust, quickening the pace and the way he  _ moans _ , the glassy, lost look in his eyes…

“ _ Please _ . Please, faster,” Kyungsoo begs, and Jongin snaps his hips obediently, almost involuntarily, just to hear that cry and watch his mouth slacken again. It escalates, to the point that the room is filled with sounds of skin slapping wetly as Kyungsoo's cries grow, punctuated by Jongin’s growls as he tries to stave off his release, their release, he doesn’t even know anymore. The vibrator is still buzzing off away on the side of the bed somewhere, forgotten. They manage to lock lips, and Kyungsoo's cries turn to whines as he clings to Jongin, lifting his hips up to meet every thrust.  He's tugging on a fistful of Jongin's hair and the pressure is just right, tight on his scalp as Kyungsoo's short nails dig red crescents into his shoulder blade. 

“ _ Oh _ ,” Kyungsoo moans loudly, eyes widening as he stares up at Jongin, almost in surprise. “Oh,  _ fuck _ , I—”

He rearranges Kyungsoo's legs, opening them wider and pushing back so his knees are nearly up to his shoulders, and Kyungsoo turns into a babbling mess, nearly incomprehensible between whimpered curses and begging for Jongin to just please,  _ please _ —“cum with me, Nini, oh please,” he wails over and over, mindlessly tightening his grip on Jongin’s hair as his whole body tenses. 

Jongin groans as he lets go, letting the waves crash over him as he empties himself into Kyungsoo’s body, hearing the wet sounds grow even more lewd as his cum starts to drip out from the movements, squelching loudly to compete with Kyungsoo’s desperate cries. It doesn’t take much more, just a few more thrusts, before Kyungsoo’s nails dig into his skin almost painfully now and he feels Kyungsoo’s release landing on both of their chests.

He looks up to see tears trailing down the sides of Kyungsoo’s face, and the elder’s gasps quickly turn into sobs as he clutches onto Jongin, clawing to get him closer, repeating the same sounds over and over until Jongin realizes he’s saying, “I’m so sorry, Nini.”

“It’s okay, Soo,” Jongin whispers, tilting his head to keep from dripping sweat all over Kyungsoo’s face as panic starts to set in, wiping the tears away as Kyungsoo continues to apologize and cling to him like he was afraid Jongin would vanish. “Shh, it’s okay…”

Kyungsoo laces their hands together—their left hands together, pressing Jongin’s ringfinger to his lips as he breathes more apologies into the skin there, hiccuping as the tears start to ebb off. He slips out of Kyungsoo’s body, and Jongin tries to move them to a more comfortable position on the bed. It takes so long, with Kyungsoo unwilling to let go of his hand, but he manages to both get them to the head of the bed and turn off the ridiculous vibrator before letting it fall off to the floor.

“It’s okay, Soo,” he repeats, rubbing Kyungsoo’s shoulder comfortingly. Too late for anything else now. They  _ have  _ to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You betcha I begged At1stSight to beta this for me. The last part is still a hot mess, because I was impatient and finished this after she had to turn in for the night, so that's my bad, but oh man, I love her? Also, uh...this was a long freaking chapter, and ummm....there's one more chapter and then the epilogue.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lied, this isn't last chapter. There's one more before the epilogue. Otherwise this chapter would've ended up like 7k or something.

They say hindsight is 20/20. Which is cute. It’s one thing to say ‘oh, I should’ve chosen this path instead, oh wow, what a different life I would have led. Maybe I would've owned a cat or become a doctor or went skiing or something.’ It’s another thing entirely to know— _ know _ —that there has always ever been only one path for you all along, and because you couldn’t get over your bitterness with a previous turn, you razed this beautiful new path out of spite, planting land mines and laying bear traps all over it in a thoughtless act of rebellion. Because  _ fuck  _ paths.

But you still only have this one path. You still can walk down only this trail. Except now it's full of hazards that you've placed, and the one who walks it with you doesn't deserve this. Never deserved this. He had spent his time on it planting seeds and clearing fields, readying for their adventure together, only to have his efforts burned away, only to step on the mines.

He can't imagine how Jongin can calmly rub his shoulder and whisper comforting words to him right now. They both looked. He saw. They both felt that irrational well of hope, but Jongin's finger still remains bare to him, and the look in Jongin's eyes confirms that his is the same as well. And Jongin has never been good at hiding his emotions. Yet here he is, only concern in his eyes as he soothes Kyungsoo while the last couple of years run through his memories in painfully crisp clarity of the path that should have been:

They were supposed to meet after he had been rid of an unhealthy relationship. Jongin would have helped him heal through it and cope with his parents’ nasty divorce. There would be no mistaking that he was Jongin's boyfriend at the school, and the constant rumors would at least have merit. They would have had a few months’ grace period to get to know each other, living right across the hall so they had space but could see each other all the time and fall crazily in love before Jongin's lease was up and he could move in. This was supposed to be their first home. His hallway was supposed to be filled with beloved artwork from Jongin's students. Dog toys were supposed to litter the apartment. Not this empty, sterile, half of a home, always feeling incomplete because it kept waiting for the second owner it never got.

He was supposed to be Jongin's first and only everything: first kiss, first love, first lover. That was the gift Jongin had reserved for him and he had thrown away. Had deemed unwanted and worthless.

And now this. Still. Again.

“I'm so sorry, Nini,” he repeats, barely a whisper now.

Jongin kisses his forehead and lingers there. “Don't be sorry, Soo,” he says, fingers stroking up and down his spine, scratching lightly. He doesn't get it. Is choosing not to get it. To acknowledge all the damage Kyungsoo had done to him. To  _ them _ . “There's nothing to be sorry for.”

There's a whole lifetime to be sorry for. To mourn. He clings tighter to Jongin's waist. “Don't leave,” he begs.

“I've got the kids a sitter,” Jongin says, pressing another reassuring kiss into his skin. “They'll be fine until tomorrow morning.”

It just hasn’t hit Jongin yet. His chest refuses to loosen. Another moment he’s taken away from them. Their first time. Their second chance at a first time. How can he continue to fuck up everything?

“Let’s go shower,” Jongin suggests after a minute goes by, rubbing circles into his lower back. “I think you’ll feel better when we’re clean.”

They huddle together, sharing the skinny spray of warm water. Kyungsoo is useless, frozen in place, in fear, in misery, so Jongin takes over. He dutifully lathers up the washcloth and scrubs over Kyungsoo’s body, hesitating briefly once he reaches Kyungsoo’s crotch but does his best nonetheless.

Kyungsoo finally snaps out of it when Jongin rinses off the washcloth and relathers, taking it away from him and wiping it over Jongin’s chest, up to his neck, and then spinning him around to get his back. Jongin is hard by the time he turns back for Kyungsoo to get his legs and blushing in embarrassment, trying to turn his toes in, as if that’ll make it less obvious. Kyungsoo lowers himself onto his knees and gets to work on Jongin’s feet, scrubbing upward to his ankles, his calves, lingering on his knees. He kisses up Jongin’s right thigh as the water washes the bubbles away, until Jongin’s cock rests heavily against his cheek. He tries to turn and take it into his mouth but then he’s being pulled up and Jongin’s lips find his.

“I—” He stops himself before he can go proclaiming his love in a shower with rapidly cooling water, post-sex, and lose yet another moment. Jongin continues kissing him, pressing against him until his back hits the cold shower wall and he hisses. They break apart, Jongin giving him another shy smile as he reaches down and turns off the water.

“I love kissing you,” Jongin says, biting down on his swollen lower lip and grabbing towels to wrap around Kyungsoo first and then himself.

“Why?” Kyungsoo asks as they step out, patting themselves down. He sees the trail of fresh hickies on the side of Jongin’s throat and feels a swell of pride, and an even stronger desire to leave more.

Jongin shrugs, toweling through his hair for an excuse to avert his eyes, suddenly shy again. “It just feels different. I like it.”

Different. Kyungsoo looks away as well, leading them back to the bedroom to get dressed and ignores the burn of jealousy in his gut. He has no right. Jongin had only ever kissed anyone else because he was pushed away. He watches Jongin walk to the bottom left drawer and pull out his spare underwear, demurely pulling it on under the towel before unraveling the towel from around his waist. How are they supposed to go forth now? How is he supposed to...court Jongin? Or do they just go back to the way things were, except now with a regular addition of sex. This was supposed to establish a big shift in their relationship. This was supposed to be the start of mending all the little cracks and tears of their past. He had hoped that maybe their thread...

He doesn’t notice Jongin had walked up to stand beside the bed, fully dressed now with hands together in front of his crotch and fidgeting, as always, with his ring finger again. “Did I hurt you?” Jongin asks, worry in his eyes.

“No,” Kyungsoo says quickly, standing up even quicker.

“Then why are you being...like this…” Jongin asks.

Jongin would only blame himself. “I’m just...processing,” Kyungsoo says, deciding that’s the safest route to go.

“Oh,” Jongin says, doubt in his voice. He fidgets some more. “Umm...did you still want to-...we don’t have to go…”

The date... Which road can he go down now that would cause the least amount of damage at this point? “I bet you’re hungry,” Kyungsoo says, poking Jongin in the ribs.

 

Dinner went well enough. He got Jongin started about the parents in the conferences, and soon it almost felt like normal. They held hands in the restaurant, and all he could think of was how well their palms fit together. They held hands as they walked to the movie theater, fingers intertwined easily like they've been practicing for years. Jongin kept his fingertips on Kyungsoo’s lower back as they waited in line for the tickets and then the concession stand.

And then they settled into their seats and the previews started, and reality caught back up with them to remind them exactly what world they were living in.

He watches Jongin’s face as the trailer for a new action movie plays, where the hero’s soulmate gets kidnapped, and he takes down an entire crime syndicate to rescue her. There’s a half-forced smile on Jongin’s face during the trailer of an animated kid’s movie, where a anthropomorphic, musical poodle cutely falls in love with the Maltese with its matching red collar. And then a rom-com where a new divorcee goes to an island retreat, only to find her red thread starting to shift directions, showing her soulmate was nearby after she had stopped believing she would ever find them.

 

The actual movie they came to watch wasn't as heavy on soulmates, mercifully, but the air was heavier between them as they walked out of the theater.

Jongin shoots nervous glances over at him as they walk down the street. He feels even more lost. How would things have gone tonight if Jongin had shown up on time? Would it have been worse, with the reminders from the movie, from  _ everywhere _ , of what they had lost? Of what they can't have?

They end up at a bus stop. He can see the disappointment in Jongin's face. They step up into the bus together, and Jongin gives him a mildly confused look. He doesn't offer an explanation, and they sit together on a plastic bench, hands in their own laps, riding in silence.

He follows Jongin up his building, to his apartment, and watches as Jongin turns and chews on his lip, looking hesitant as the kids claw on the other side of the door.

“Do you want to come in?” Jongin asks, hand on the doorknob. “I-...we can watch…”

Yeah, there's really nowhere they can run to escape the reminder that they are broken. Soulmates are everywhere. “Do you want me to?” Kyungsoo asks quietly.

Jongin furrows his brows. “Stop being like this,” he says. “This—you're stressing me out.”

They stare at each other again, and Kyungsoo fights the urge to sigh. Jongin needs him to be strong. He's been panicking all week about today, and now he has to worry about Kyungsoo as well. “Sorry,” Kyungsoo says, pushing him forward in answer. “Let's go in?”

 

It gets easier. They make out on the couch later, after the kids are properly greeted and they click through some random shows, leaving an anime playing in the background as Jongin straddles his lap and they lick languidly into each other's mouths. It lasts only a few minutes before Jjangu tries to worm his way between them and Jongin shrieks in embarrassment.

He stays the night at Jongin's request. At least lying next to each other in bed felt right, even (or especially) with his stepkids snuggled up against them. He watches Jongin fall asleep first, snoring lightly, his lashes fanning out beautifully, looking like a soft angel, and feels his chest tighten for the umpteenth time tonight. There's that bubble of hope again. Kyungsoo closes his eyes and says a silent prayer, a wish, anything for a miracle to come in the morning.

—

Jongin gnaws on the inside of his cheek, totally not paying attention as he whisks the batter.

“Pretty sure there aren’t any more clumps,” Kyungsoo says, disrupting his thoughts.

“Oh,” he says, looking down at the now almost gelatinized pancake batter. “Whoops.”

“It’ll still cook,” Kyungsoo says reassuringly, laying his top half over the counter as he waits for their coffee to finish.

He’s so tempted to just drape himself over Kyungsoo. Damn that man for looking so damn cute and soft in the morning...and all the time, really. Jongin knocks the whisk against the rim of the bowl to shake off any remaining batter, his thoughts straying back to last night.  _ They had sex last night. Again _ .  _ By themselves. _

“What are your plans for today?” Kyungsoo asks, resting his forehead against the counter and messing with his hair impatiently.

“The kids need their haircuts,” Jongin says, blushing to himself as he ogles Kyungsoo’s butt from this angle. It’s so soft...and he was  _ in it _ yesterday… Kyungsoo doesn’t respond, and finally Jongin looks up to find Kyungsoo staring back at him with an amused grin. Shit. Caught. “Um…”

“Food  _ sure sounds good _ ,” Kyungsoo hints, smirking and licking over his lips before turning away again.

Jongin hurries over to the stove, pouring out the first pancake quickly. He’s too caught up in trying to focus on it instead of being embarrassed, that he actually doesn’t notice Kyungsoo until a mug of coffee is held out in front of his face for him to sip, an arm wrapping around his stomach a moment later. “Thanks,” he says, glancing back briefly. Kyungsoo’s palm stays against his stomach, and after he sets the mug down, rests his forehead in between Jongin’s shoulder blades and brings the other hand to link in front.

“Are you busy today?” Jongin asks, flipping the pancake over.

“No plans,” Kyungsoo says.

“Stay with me?” he asks in a smaller voice.

“Until you’re sick of me.”

—

“Soo, god _ dammit _ ,” Jongin growls. “It's been like ten fucking minutes already. I think I'm good.”

Kyungsoo hasn't been back home since Friday night. There were some mega awkward moments this weekend, but it's been magical as well. Most of the time, they just seem to forget that there's anything different between them. Jongin's kicked the kids out of the bedroom (and locked the door, for whatever reason) early this Sunday morning, and Kyungsoo has been slowly fingering him open, making sure Jongin's thoroughly stretched and ready. It's adorable, Jongin snarling like a kitten. Kyungsoo crooks his fingers and rubs at the little bump along Jongin's tight walls, smirking as Jongin's eyes dull from the stimulation. “I don't want to hurt you,” he chides.

“I'm  _ fine _ ,” Jongin huffs. “It's cause he was like the size of my forearm. I can take you just fine.”

His fingers still, which earns him an eyeroll and a kick to the shoulder. “What are you saying?” he asks, indignant.

“I’m  _ saying _ you're not at all small but you're not gonna split me in half, but I'll  _ never get to test that theory if you don't hurry up _ ,” Jongin snaps impatiently.

Kyungsoo sneers back at him as he pulls his fingers out to bend over and kiss the pout off Jongin's face. He hears a wrapper being ripped open and straightens back up to see an almost embarrassed look on Jongin's face. “What is it?” he asks.

Jongin's holding an opened condom and blushing. “Um...that was just habit...uh, I guess...since we didn't last time…” he mumbles out, pinching the condom between two fingers awkwardly.

“We can,” Kyungsoo offers. It didn't even occur to him on Friday.

Jongin stares at it, debating internally for all of three seconds before tossing it off the side of the bed and flinching at his choice after. “Crap, remind me to get that before we let the kids back in,” he says.

Kyungsoo shakes his head in amusement and repositions Jongin's legs so they hang over his shoulders as he lines himself up, pushing the head in easily as they both sigh in relief. He bottoms out and holds his hips in place, massaging Jongin's thighs and pressing kisses into the insides of his knees.

“Oh wow,” Jongin moans softly as Kyungsoo starts thrusting into him gently. “That feels so different.”

“Yeah?” Kyungsoo asks, smiling at the look on Jongin's face.

“It's like...really sensitive…” Jongin says in awe, licking over his lips.

“For me too,” Kyungsoo adds unnecessarily, watching Jongin's face. No discomfort. Maybe some annoyance, but that's rapidly fading-

“C’mon, Soo, like you mean it,” Jongin taunts, reaching up to grab onto the headboard.

“Maybe if you weren't such a baby about bottoming,” Kyungsoo teases, quickening his movements with a smirk. He squeals, awkwardly slapping away Jongin's hand as it tries to twist his nipple, causing him to slip out. He lets Jongin's legs fall to the side, leaning down as he grabs his cock and pushes it back in with a snap of his hips.

The lightheartedness disappears the instant Jongin's mouth slackens, and Kyungsoo speeds up his thrusts until his thighs start slapping against Jongin's ass loudly with each push forward “ _ Ohh _ ,” Jongin moans, eyes unfocused as he looks up into Kyungsoo's face. “Oh wow, right there…”

Jongin recovers and drops a hand down between them a few minutes later, fingers exploring on either side of Kyungsoo's shaft as it fucks in and out of his hole. He pushes them flat against his rim, moaning again as he wraps his other hand around his own cock, jerking it slowly.

“How does it feel” Kyungsoo asks, watching in fascination as Jongin touches himself. He never thought Jongin would be like this, expecting him to be meek and shy, needing to be coaxed into enjoying the pleasure freely.

“You feel so good,” Jongin purrs in a daze, rubbing his fingers over his entrance and squeezing them around Kyungsoo's cock experimentally. “Oh  _ wow _ , you're so hard, Soo...”

He should've been keeping track of how many times Jongin says 'wow’, Kyungsoo thinks dumbly, but Jongin's hand comes up to cup his own balls, and Kyungsoo speeds his thrusts back up now that Jongin's fingers are safely out of the way, heart singing and cock swelling as Jongin starts whimpering along loudly to each wet clap of skin on skin.

“Nini,” Kyungsoo rushes out minutes later as sweat drips down his forehead, feeling panicked as the pressure builds. “Nini, can I— _ fuck _ , I'm gonna cum, Jongin.”

“Inside—” Jongin gasps out between whimpers, face contorting into a grimace as he tugs on his cock desperately. “Cum inside me. I wanna feel you.”

He leans down, hips never stopping, and kisses Jongin deeply, groaning as he feels the pressure boiling over. Jongin gets even louder, almost frenzied and crying out against his lips when Kyungsoo's cock starts to twitch inside him, painting Jongin's soft walls white as he rides out the high. 

Kyungsoo is holding his breath and almost sobs in relief when he finally feels Jongin convulsing around him half a minute later, trying his best to ignore the oversensitivity and fuck Jongin through it as Jongin whines out his orgasm, cumming into his hand and going boneless after.

“Oh, ew,” Jongin says a few minutes into the silence as Kyungsoo's flaccid dick slips out. He quickly rolls to his side, keeping his legs together. “Ew, ew, ew.”

“' _ Cum inside me, I want it _ ’,” Kyungsoo mocks in a high voice. He squeaks as Jongin's toes pinch savagely into his calf, and squirms away.

“ _ Don't, _ ” Jongin whines, shoving him rudely off of the bed. “Go get me a towel or something, we have to take the kids out to go pee.”

“I almost gave myself a heart attack so you could bust a nut,” Kyungsoo huffs as he yanks Jongin's closet door open to retrieve a towel. “Show some respect.”

 

They take their time getting cleaned up (and trashing the unwanted condom) and stripping the bed before getting dressed and leashing up the dogs. Kyungsoo hides a proud smirk when he catches a glimpse of the hickies on Jongin's neck right before he wraps it with Kyungsoo's scarf. Jongin, filled with him, covered in his marks, dressed in his clothes. It feels so right. He pulls Jongin down and sneaks a surprise kiss to his neck, just under that beautifully sharp jaw, prompting a surprised giggle and squirm.

Jongin walks them through a little park for nearly half an hour before Kyungsoo leads them to a little bakery for breakfast. It even has little paw print stamped cupcakes meant for dogs, but Jongin glanced over the ingredients list and sneered at it with disapproval, so they have to deal with the kids begging and whining for scraps under the table instead.

“I don't wanna go to work tomorrow,” Jongin whines.

“We can both call in,” Kyungsoo suggests temptingly, getting a napkin thrown at him in response. 

“It's the last week of school,” Jongin reminds him. “They'll be so sad if I miss out.”

“But  _ I'll _ be so sad if I have to go so long without seeing you,” Kyungsoo argues.

Jongin gives him an unamused, doubtful look.

Kyungsoo returns it with a cheeky smile. “Want help with the party on Friday?” He's been volunteering for the last couple years, since not that many parents are willing or able to help out during the day and, to be honest, he gets to spend nearly all day with Jongin in his environment, face painting and playing kids games. It's totally worth skipping out on work.

“Yes,” Jongin answers, looking pleased. “Just don't wear that shirt with the skulls again.”

“Okay, that was  _ one time _ , and it was my Misfits shirt. That's practically cultural education and history all in one.”

“They're _ five years old _ , gramps.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beta, At1stSight, whom I treasure, is the bestest.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is pt 2 of a double update, so make sure you've gone back and read the last chapter!!!

They celebrate every silly couple’s holiday. It’s so cheesy, dressing in yellow and giving each other roses on Yellow Day. Or having a lunch date in the ridiculously crowded park on Kiss Day. (Clearly, everyone else thought they were just as equally clever and romantic.) They go out on Silver Day, but it’s awkward, and they’re bombarded with ads of all kinds of red thread accented jewelry before bailing back to the safety of Jongin’s apartment.

Jongin mopes around in his parents’ house over Chuseok. Kyungsoo, of course, had to go visit his mom back at home as well. It’s the first time in a  _ long _ time that they don’t actually see each other for longer than twenty-four hours. He ends up fighting with Junmyeon over something stupid, since Junmyeon still holds a grudge against Kyungsoo. They don’t talk until dinner, where their mom figuratively knocks their heads together and tells them to get over it for the family photo. He ends up sleeping in until nearly five the next afternoon, having stayed up to Facetime with Kyungsoo all night. They celebrate their reunion a couple of days later holing up in Kyungsoo’s apartment the entire weekend. Jongin’s kids were surprisingly well-behaved.

Time seems to breeze by so quickly. It’s so... _ easy _ . Even when they fight—which is  _ rare _ —things are resolved on average within the same hour, and almost always within the same day.

His thread stays the same as it has since that first morning. The fray doesn’t worsen, the other end stays blunt, and that’s not really a comfort, but at least...it could be worse. Sometimes Kyungsoo tries to bring it up, but Jongin shuts it down and changes the subject. They can work. They’re working. They don’t need this thread to tell them that they’re happy together. Fuck this scrap thread, only existing to taunt them and ruin perfectly good moments.

 

Jongin shows up with the kids in tow on Friday afternoon for a weekend at Kyungsoo’s place to find a framed photo of himself in the hallway. He has a Pepero sticking out of his mouth, grinning cheekily at the camera, eyes crescented. It’s the only thing hanging on the wall aside from the thermostat a little further down.

He discovers more photographs on Kyungsoo’s desk next to a plastic bag full of new picture frames. There’s a picture of Jongin sleeping with all three kids huddled in a neat row against his chest, like a little puppy ombre. A selca of them from this Halloween, dressed in matching, oversized animal onesies: Kyungsoo as an obscenely adorable penguin, and himself as a bear. Another of them in profile, posing for the camera with a kiss. A whole stack of pictures, with some older ones going back for years.

“Whatcha doing, dork?” he hears. Jongin was so absorbed sifting through the pictures, he didn’t even notice Kyungsoo come home. He stands in the doorway balancing Monggu and Jjangu in his arms as Jjangah paws at his calves, smiling back at Jongin.

“In a decorating mood, I see,” Jongin says as an answer. The dogs beat Kyungsoo to the bed, leaping up and fighting each other over who gets to be in Jongin’s lap as Kyungsoo just walks up to the side of the mattress and flops down on all of them, prompting wriggling little furry bodies to squirm away.

“Missed you,” Kyungsoo says, curling himself around Jongin’s torso.

“Bad day?” Jongin asks, sliding his hand under Kyungsoo’s shirt and resting it in the small of the elder’s back.

“Didn’t see you all day,” Kyungsoo grumbles. “Missed you.”

“Sap,” Jongin says, grinning into Kyungsoo’s hair.

Kyungsoo rolls to the side, still half-lying across Jongin’s body. “Let’s kick the kids out,” he suggests.

“Why?” Jongin asks, feigning innocence.

“Because I want to molest their dad.”

Jongin claps a hand over Kyungsoo’s mouth and gasps dramatically. “Don’t talk like that in front of them!” he stage-whispers, eyes bugged out in mock-horror as he rolls Kyungsoo off of him and himself off the bed. None of the puppies move to follow, only snuggling in closer to Kyungsoo. He pouts at them all. “Traitors,” he hisses.

Kyungsoo makes an adorable imitation of Jongin’s pout, picking Jjangah up and holding her close to his face. “You lob me more than your daddy, huh, furball?” he coos before dumping her onto the floor and then dropping Monggu and Jjangu in succession. “But I need to make sure daddy can't wal—”

“ _ Do Kyungsoo! _ ”

—

He looks at this beautiful man beside him and can't even see him. Instead, all he sees is the boy from years ago, trying to make himself smaller and take up less room if they coincidentally got into the same elevator, or eyes immediately turning downcast if they both stepped out of their apartments into the hall together. Jongin's face after Kyungsoo was particularly cruel to his offer for some coffee, how he saw him later that evening with puffy, red eyes and splotchy cheeks as he trudged into his apartment, planner and books in hand, dragging his feet. This sweet boy who saved himself for his soulmate, who tried whatever he could think of to earn Kyungsoo's approval, shattered because Kyungsoo couldn't accept that fate tried to exchange what was once the love of his life for some child obsessed with little dogs. He had taken every attempt from Jongin to heal him as an affront, a mockery of the eight years with the man he loved, working so hard to maintain this perfect relationship of his. All for it to be switched out, scammed, for this kid with sleepy eyes and pouty lips who thinks that love is something that just happens to people because they want it to.

Christmas with Jongin as his boyfriend was beautiful. They hung five stockings along Jongin's windowsill in place of a mantle, and sang the lyrics all wrong to Christmas carols. They counted down New Year's Eve with Jongin trying to time their orgasms right as the clock struck twelve, ramming into Kyungsoo's ass so hard, he gave himself a tummy ache for nearly an hour afterward. Their birthdays—two days (and four years) apart—celebrated as one ever since they became friends, their first birthday as a couple, they apologize to their friends and go to Jeju Island for the whole weekend, leaving their hotel room only for walks on the beach and visiting the penis museum to act like schoolchildren.

But now it is almost Valentine's Day. And Valentine's Day always hits Jongin so hard. A part of it is the media working itself into a frenzy and frothing at the mouth to push every perfect soulmate romance story, but the more impactful part is having to celebrate it at school with his students. In one of his more callous moments, Kyungsoo had asked Jongin what he tells them when they inevitably ask him where his string leads, or who his soulmate is. Playing it back crushes him. Jongin's answer every year is always a lie, that he just hadn't met his yet, but he holds his hand up to show the dozens of little red bows on his ring finger and says that it's okay, he's not in any rush, because he has all these other bows from children that he loves so much. What can he do  _ but  _ lie. He can't tell his children that sometimes, even working hard and wanting something so much is not enough. That life lesson can wait and be learned later, when they stop believing in magic and learn that sometimes bad things just happen to good people.

 

Jongin's currently annoyed with him. He sees right through him. He's warned Kyungsoo to stop going overboard, to stop guilt-shopping, and that they're fine, but he has years and a whole lost lifetime to make up for, and maybe-just  _ maybe,  _ maybe they'll wake up this morning, or this next morning, or this  _ next  _ morning, and their strings will be one again.

Except now it's Valentine's Day, and Kyungsoo is dragging his feet toward Jongin's school, and the frayed end of his thread dangles down like it has since that morning of Jongin's first hangover. He feels so stupid, whispering mantras to himself. Jongin will have dozens of little red bows on his finger as presents from his kids, and none of them will be his real one,  _ Kyungsoo's _ real one. And Jongin will wear a smile the whole day, and unlike all his other smiles, this one never reaches his eyes.

“I'm giving these away,” Jongin threatens when Kyungsoo steps into the class bearing a gigantic bouquet. And there they are, the row of little bows on Jongin's ring finger, with more carrying over to his middle and pinky. This year had a bigger class.

“I think there might be enough so each kid can have one,” Kyungsoo says. They can't even hold hands at Jongin's school, lest the rumors and gossip and comments start up again. But fuck the school staff if they think that's enough to keep Kyungsoo away.

“Hmph,” Jongin grunts, and announces to the class that Kyungsoo-hyung has brought roses for everyone for their party.

Jongin doesn't bring up their broken thread. In fact, he does everything in his power to make sure Kyungsoo doesn't either. It is taboo to speak of it now, even though he doesn't stop Kyungsoo from kissing his hand, his ring finger, for reassurance.

And every morning that they wake up together, he has to watch the flicker of hope in Jongin's eyes slowly wither away and die as he sneaks a glance down at their hands, only to find that nothing has changed. Sometimes he wonders if it would be better to not see the optimism at the start of each new day, if the pang of disappointment in his love’s face would be better if replaced by apathy. They’re happy without their thread, but that wound has only scabbed over, not healed. And he doesn’t know if it’ll ever heal.

“ _ Stop _ ,” Jongin growls under his breath at him as he walks past Kyungsoo to refill the glitter in one of the art stations. He may have been giving Jongin pitiful looks the last half hour as they set up for the party. He watches Jongin crouch down and help a girl draw out a heart in glue before a little boy comes up to Kyungsoo for his turn to navigate the red thread maze. How does Jongin subject himself to this every year? Even when he had Sehun, how did he deal with these kids asking about his soulmate, and his thread, and what does it look like, can he feel it, can they touch it.

The party is over not a moment too soon. It takes forever to finish cleaning up and leave, and he’s practically dragging Jongin off of the school grounds.

“You need a drink,” Jongin mutters as he reluctantly lets Kyungsoo carry his planner and books.

“I need-” Kyungsoo starts, feeling too many emotions rise up in offering, “-I’m so—”

“I swear to god, Do Kyungsoo, if you finish that sentence, you’re gonna spend Valentine’s Day alone with your vibrator,” Jongin warns.

That gets them a couple of dirty looks from passers-by, so they hurry along back to Kyungsoo’s apartment, riding the elevator in silence, apology hanging heavily on the tip of his tongue.

“I don’t care about it anymore,” Jongin mumbles as they step off.

“You do,” Kyungsoo can’t stop himself from saying. “I know you do.”

Jongin gives him an exasperated look. “It doesn’t matter, Soo,” he says, “We’re happy, aren’t we? We’re together. We’re damn near perfect. You can’t ask for more than that.”

He can. Jongin deserves better than to feel broken or incomplete or unfit. Jongin deserves the comfort of  _ knowing _ his soulmate is his, and that they won’t wake up one morning to find themselves threaded to someone else. Jongin deserves the happily ever after that he always pictured, not this hodge-podged, second rate attempt.

“It’s Valentine’s Day,” Jongin reminds him as they reach the door. His voice has softened. He’s trying to pull Kyungsoo back from the ledge. “Can’t we just Netflix and chill?”

“You deserve a better soulmate than me,” Kyungsoo says, feeling the weight of tears threatening to spill over.

“Do I not deserve  _ you _ ?” Jongin counters softly. “Because I only want you.”

“I don’t know how to make it up to you,” Kyungsoo says, sobs escaping as he sags against the wall. “All the things you were supposed to have…”

Jongin pries the books out of his hands and drops them carefully onto the floor before wiping away the tears that keep coming and cradling Kyungsoo’s face. “Do I have you?”

“You deserve more,” Kyungsoo whimpers out, angry at himself, bitter at his choices, their circumstances. He looks down miserably at his hands, at the red thread, taunting him as always. “We could’ve been perfect.”

Jongin’s hand falters as he goes to brush another round of tears away. “ _ I _ think we’re pretty perfect,” he whispers. And now he’s gone and wounded Jongin even further.

“That’s not what I meant,” Kyungsoo hiccups out. He can’t look away from the frayed end of his thread. For years—for the rest of his life, it’ll be there to remind him of all the torment he put Jongin through. He feels hollow and cold at the thought of Jongin having to be forever reminded of those times as well. A scar that only he can see. He claws at the thread, wishing and wanting and just so frustrated at the unfairness of it all, that he can’t even at least shoulder the weight. “I just….I just want—”

The coarse texture of frayed thread rolls across his thumb as he snags it between his fingers. The tears stop almost instantly. Kyungsoo’s not sure if he’s even able to breathe as he stares down at it. Aside from the heavy thud of his heartbeat in his ears, he can only hear Jongin’s breathing, hear him speaking something incoherent as Kyungsoo marvels at the wiry split of the thread.

“Kyungsoo?” Jongin asks. “What’s wrong?”

He holds tightly onto the thread and looks up to gape at Jongin, jaw hanging open. 

“What?” Jongin asks, growing concerned.

“My thread,” he says in amazement, looking down again.

Jongin glances down as well, turning back to his face after a moment. “What’s wrong?” he repeats.

“I—” He gives it an experimental pull and gasps as more unspools from around his finger. He can  _ feel _ it turning around his finger.

“What are you doing?” Jongin asks, too loud, sounding panicked.

It fully unwinds, until there’s just a simple doubled half hitch knot hanging loosely around his finger, leading to the blunt end. “Give me your hand,” Kyungsoo orders, keeping his eye on the thread, like it’ll vanish or something if he’s not careful.

“What? No,” Jongin says. “What are you doing?”

“Nini, please give me your hand,” he repeats, forming a loop around the frayed end and knotting it. There’s enough, just enough, to stretch between them.

Jongin holds both his hands together in front of his chest defensively. “Tell me what’s going on,” he demands, looking bewildered and frightened.

He still can’t see it, Kyungsoo finally realizes. Would he, once Kyungsoo ties them back together? “Nini, please trust me,” he begs, looking up at Jongin’s watery eyes. Carefully, he grabs Jongin’s left hand with his own, vigilantly making sure the thread doesn’t snag, and spreads Jongin’s fingers out. The loop almost touches his fingertip when Jongin jerks his hand back, staring wide-eyed back at him.

“No!” he says shakily, taking a step back. “Let it go.”

“What?” Kyungsoo asks.

“What if...what if-” Jongin swallows heavily, covering his mouth to hide the grimace of panic. “We don’t know what would happen. That’s your  _ lifeline _ . What if it cuts your life to only half or something?”

“I’d accept that,” Kyungsoo says immediately. The answer was obvious.

Jongin glares at him. “Of  _ course  _ you do, because if you drop dead at forty, then you’re already dead! But then I’ll have to live with knowing that was my fault.” He gulps again, tears streaming down his face. “ _ Let it go _ .”

Kyungsoo opens his mouth to argue, “You—”

“I love you. Is that not enough? Please, we’re fine. We’re  _ happy _ . We’re together. Please let it go,” Jongin begs.

“All these years, and finally I can touch it, Jongin,” Kyungsoo says slowly, trying to soothe Jongin down from his fear. “It can’t be because fate wants to hurt us more.”

“It can,” Jongin argues. “ _ Please _ .”

He can see in Jongin’s eyes the temptation to just smack his hand to let the thread loose if only he wasn’t more terrified that it might yank the thread off of Kyungsoo’s finger. “Here,” he says, hoping and praying that Jongin will listen. “Guide me.”

“What?”

“Show me where the end of your thread is,” Kyungsoo says, tugging the knot loose again, trying his best to handle the delicate thread with care.

Jongin is reluctant, but another minute of coaxing gets him to hover his hand, palm down, in front of Kyungsoo, fingers pressed tightly together so Kyungsoo can’t try to slip the loop on.

“Can you touch it?” Kyungsoo asks, trying to make a loop around a tiny, magical, invisible target.

“No,” Jongin answers nervously.

It would’ve been easier. He meticulously ties a simple loop around the area Jongin designated, going as close to the skin as possible, and tugs the knot into place.

“What? What?” Jongin demands anxiously, catching Kyungsoo’s widened eyes as he works on securing it with a second knot.

“It…” Kyungsoo stares at the knot hanging in the air under Jongin’s hand. He can’t see Jongin’s thread, but it’s  _ hanging _ off of something. His right hand falls to his side as he watches the thread sway between them. Will it stretch? Will it slip right off if they walk away from each other? There’s hardly any slack. Kyungsoo ponders briefly if he quit his job, if Jongin’s school would be okay accepting a teacher’s assistant on the grounds of soulmate complexities.

“ _ What _ ?” Jongin presses, hand twitching as he fights the urge to fidget with his fingers again.

Can he tell him it worked? He doesn’t know if it worked. He doesn’t know what  _ it _ is. What if Jongin is right, and the thread simply falls off and then he would’ve gotten Jongin’s hopes up to dash them into the pavement once again.

“Did you do it?” Jongin asks.

“...Yes,” Kyungsoo answers. “But—”

“Shut up,” Jongin says quickly, slowly lowering his hand. Kyungsoo watches the thread for signs of life, like how it was back then, but he honestly can’t tell. “Let’s just go inside. I can’t believe you.” He wipes at his brow and the tears on his cheeks and leans down carefully to pick up his books.

They don’t dare step too far away from each other. The thread never goes taut, but to chance it seemed to be begging for trouble. Kyungsoo cancels their reservation and cooks up Jongin’s favorite meal instead. It’s easier with Jongin trailing behind him, leaving more slack as insurance. They don’t talk much, except with Jongin’s constant reminders that they’re perfectly happy already, that what they have is special, regardless of what happens, that he loves Kyungsoo and that it was Kyungsoo who told him that love doesn’t come from a magical thread. He knows what Jongin’s doing, getting them ready for the eventual disappointment and failure. It breaks his heart yet again, and he utters more silent prayers as they sit to eat. 

“Does yours respond?” Kyungsoo asks later as they lie on the couch, some random movie playing.

“I...I don’t know,” Jongin answers, afraid to be hopeful.

 

He listens in as Jongin calls his neighbor to thank them for dogsitting, and ask if she can take them out for one last walk for the night, since Jongin can’t make it home. Jongin blushes as he hangs up, and mumbles something about how the neighbor thinks they must be having a wild night, when asked why. They bumble around the apartment together for the next several hours, until they finally give up and collapse on Kyungsoo’s bed, tangling their feet together and laying in silence. The air is heavy from the stress of the unknown. This is not how he pictured their first Valentine’s Day together, but...it had to be done, right? If it works…

They make love like they’re both spun from glass, Jongin riding him with slow rolls of his hips as they cling to each other like life preservers. It helps to distract them from the bigger issue, but neither are willing to leave the bed to clean up, and they huddle together afterward as he strokes up and down Jongin’s shivering back. Sleep takes ages to come. They are both fearing what the morning will bring. Before he finally dozes off, Jongin whispers, for the umpteenth time, “I will still love you no matter what. Do you believe me?”

“I do,” he answers, trying to silence the demons inside him telling him otherwise.

 

His dreams are feverish. At certain points, he can vaguely feel Jongin clinging to him, and him in turn holding on as the dream takes him through their years together. Their fights, their budding friendship, how Jongin went from the beautiful kid he kind of got irritated seeing to this beautiful man he would die for.

He wakes up to Jongin crying. Kyungsoo wipes the sleep away from his bleary eyes and tries to get them to focus on Jongin’s face as the night slowly comes back to him. Jongin is leaning against the wall, sobbing into his hands, and Kyungsoo reaches out to comfort him but stops halfway, staring blankly at the sight of red trailing off of Jongin’s left hand.

It leads down. He holds his breath as he follows it to the sheets, where a simple bow connects the thread back to Kyungsoo’s own.


	13. Chapter 13

“Another round,” Sehun says, holding three fingers up to the bartender as he passes by them. That’s not really ideal, but Jongin takes too long to decline, and the bartender is already fetching their refills.

He was just being polite. He was sitting alone when the bartender brought a drink to him, gesturing over to the two on the other end. Given the timing, Jongin decided to go over to thank them in person, and got sucked into a catch-up conversation. He doesn’t want to be rude, of course, but all things considered… The guy probably doesn’t want him there either. Why would he? Jongin’s sure they’ve got other things to talk about. His eyes zero in on the bow that appears several meters away, smiling as it tracks up the red thread toward his own hand. “Hey,” Jongin says, grinning as Kyungsoo walks toward them.

“Hey,” Kyungsoo answers, a question in his tone as he looks at the other two. Jongin doesn’t miss the possessive hand on his back, and tries not to roll his eyes as Sehun greets him and introduces everyone.

“I was just telling Han about Jongin,” Sehun explains with amusement, “when I looked over at the bar and was like…speak of the devil.”

“I’m lucky I’m his soulmate,” Han says, lacing their fingers together as they share a private grin. “I don’t think I would’ve stood much of a chance otherwise.”

“Of course you would have,” Sehun reassures him. It was eerie how much they looked alike. Watching them coo at each other’s faces was like watching Sehun talk into a distorted mirror. “I knew I was yours the moment I saw you.”

Lu Han, oblivious to the awkward lull, smiles prettily as Sehun realizes what he just said and turns to Jongin with a guilty look. “Not that I acted upon it…” he adds.

“Neither did we,” Jongin repeats from earlier, leaning onto Kyungsoo’s side. He can feel the tenseness from Kyungsoo’s body and tries to subtly nudge him. “It worked out though.”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo chimes in with Sehun’s agreement, giving Jongin’s hand a soft squeeze. “Looks like everyone’s happy. I don’t want to be rude, but Jongin’s actually gotta wake up really early tomorrow, so I think we’re gonna turn in for the night…”

“Oh right!” Sehun says, snapping his fingers. “I totally forgot. Yeah, Jongin’s a preschool teacher.”

“Kindergarten,” Jongin and Kyungsoo correct together.

“Shoot, yeah,” Sehun giggles, holding onto Han for support. “You’d think I’d remember that. Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Jongin says, smiling impatiently at the two. “It was nice seeing you again. I’m glad you two worked out.” He tries to exchange goodbyes as quickly as possible, but then Lu Han tries to say something about possibly getting together for dinners or something, and he must have squeezed Kyungsoo’s hand too hard, because Kyungsoo steps in to say that they still have Sehun’s number and sorry once again, but they really must go.

 

“My hero,” Jongin sighs out, practically laying on Kyungsoo as they toddle down the sidewalk.

“My cowardly lion,” Kyungsoo retorts, mussing up Jongin’s new golden brown hair.

Jongin whines until they slow to a stop for Kyungsoo to fix the strands back into place. “I was not cowardly, I was being polite,” he huffs before peeking under his lashes at Kyungsoo. “You’re not upset, right?”

Kyungsoo brings Jongin’s hand to his lips, kissing the ring finger right over the red loop. “Upset I couldn’t get another beer in you. You’re such a lush,” he says, smirking as Jongin shoves him back to walking.

“Are you my Dorothy then?” Jongin asks, ignoring the greasy comment as he falls in step.

Kyungsoo smacks him on the shoulder. “Don’t start, or I’ll get your little dogs too,” he croaks in his best witch impersonation. He fends off Jongin’s weak attempts at attacking him further, giggling all the while. “So do you think they ever do it in front of a mirror and get confused as to who’s who?” he asks.

Jongin snorts out his laugh and covers his mouth futily. “I was thinking the same thing earlier. They look like twins! It’s so weird,” he snickers.

“Thinking the same thing?” Kyungsoo quotes, shooting him a look. “Missing Big Daddy?” He deftly dodges Jongin’s next attacks, catching his wrists as they stop yet again and walking him backward against a wall.

“You’re gross, that’s not even funny,” Jongin grumbles before tilting down enough to meet Kyungsoo’s lips. He may act like everything’s okay, but old wounds still leave scars, and right now Kyungsoo’s too buzzed still to sort out his emotions from rationality, so Jongin lets him run his hands possessively all over Jongin’s body. They’re in public, but the roads are practically empty at this late hour, and if he’s being honest, Jongin needs this too. This physical confirmation that they’re okay and together and unaffected and—

“Ahhh, ah,  _ wait _ ,” Jongin hisses, pulling Kyungsoo’s very resistant hand out of his pants and doing up the zipper quickly. “We’re in the middle of the fucking street.”

Kyungsoo balks at the reminder, sucking savagely on Jongin’s neck before stepping back, eyes dark and lips parted as he pants. He’s sizing Jongin up, and the look is sending shivers of anticipation down Jongin’s spine. “I want to fuck you,” he whispers, low and full of promise.

“Yeah,” Jongin says, trying to shake off the fuzziness in his head enough to get them going back toward Kyungsoo’s apartment. “On a bed. Or couch. Or really, whatever you want, as long as it’s in your place and not next to a  _ dumpster _ , please.”

—

Jongin should’ve specified. You’d think he learned by now. Instead, he’s making increasingly needy whimpers as he stretches out across Kyungsoo’s dining table, thighs quivering, as Kyungsoo alternates between spearing him open with his fingers and teasing him with his tongue until he's leaking all over the place. They’ve already checked off the entire kitchen on the list of places on which they need to consummate their relationship, but really, the table’s a great height for this.

He can see Jongin’s toes curling in his peripheral, one hand gripping the edge of the table until his knuckles turn white from the force, as Kyungsoo strokes the pad of his finger against Jongin’s soft walls, in tight little circles around that rough little bump inside him. His other hand is laced with Jongin's, sandwiching their little red bow between them. The alcohol has probably worked its way out of their systems by now. The buzzy, cloudy feeling has faded away, leaving the desire to curl up with Jongin and sleep, mixed with the more pressing desire to make Jongin scream his name and beg for release.

Kyungsoo pulls his fingers out, watching Jongin's hole flutter, empty and puffy. He's going agonizingly slow, teasing both of them, swelling even more as Jongin whines for him to get on with it already before whimpering as Kyungsoo presses his thumb against the rim, tracing it and dipping in occasionally. “Mine,” he whispers, watching how pliantly the hole stretches.

“Yours,” Jongin answers immediately, sighing and lifting his hips as Kyungsoo replaces his thumb with his tongue again. 

“I'm yours too,” Kyungsoo murmurs, lapping over the puckered flesh.

“Show me,” Jongin begs, squirming as Kyungsoo darts his tongue in.

He's still fully clothed, so Kyungsoo has to break away temporarily to disrobe. It gives Jongin time to roll over, arching back to grab the bottle of lube that's skated almost to the other edge of the table, and smear it onto Kyungsoo as he finally sheds off the last of his clothing and lines himself up.

It's not jealousy. Not when he knew even back when Sehun and Jongin were together, that it was him Jongin really wanted. They just have so much baggage, so many old scars, that being reminded of them still causes some pangs. He still holds onto his theory that your soulmate determines your preferences, and reluctant as he is to admit, he does see the similarities between himself and Sehun, and even between Chanyeol and Jongin, at least in personalities. Jongin isn’t perfect in the slightest, occasionally immature and bratty, sulky, or even petty. A lot of things that remind him too much of an ex he’d rather not run into any time soon. But with Jongin, it’s completely different, thread or not. So he knows, with him compared to Sehun, it’s the same way. 

Jongin’s legs around his waist tighten until he gets rolled over and has to scoot his ass onto the table so Jongin can ride him, and this brings him back to present day, where they’re finally together and so fucking happy. He keeps a hand behind Jongin’s neck, guiding him down again and again, and it makes the thread drape across Jongin’s chest. They’re complete again. Their red thread, joined by a little bow in between them, complete with little frayed ends,  _ finally _ together.

The first several days after its reappearance were rough. They were walking on eggshells, barely talking, too afraid it would vanish. Every morning, they would worry that it was just a tease, a cruel trick to punish those who would dare to mess with fate. Luckily, they’re only human, and soon complacency sets in. There’s no use living in fear when they’ve finally gotten what they wanted. It might as well be enjoyed, since there’s nothing they could do about it anyway.

Jongin may have said he doesn’t need it to know that they’re in love and for them to be happy together. He may have meant it too. But he wept when it returned, and since then, it’s like he’s been able to breathe easier. Kyungsoo as well. He supposes it’s more the knowledge that they won’t just wake up one day to find themselves threaded to another soulmate, more that than the idea that they won’t be complete without it.

It’s a strange thing though, the bow in between them instead of a bow on each of their fingers. To think when they’re both at work, that somewhere in the streets between them, unseen to all others, is a little bow made of frayed threads of fate. To see it approach as they close the distance between each other, shortening the thread between them.

Jongin’s breathing is getting too even above him, and he’s growing heavier by the second. “Nini,” Kyungsoo whispers, running his fingers through Jongin’s sweaty hair. They’ve just been lying, rather uncomfortably, on the dining table in the afterglow. “Baby, wake up.”

“Mmph,” Jongin grunts, propping himself up on his hands as he slowly slides off of Kyungsoo and onto the floor, scowling at the wet mess on his stomach and down his legs. “You’re gross.”

“ _ You’re _ gross,” Kyungsoo retorts, gingerly stepping onto numb feet and coaxing Jongin into the bathroom to at least rinse off.

—

“ _ Stop _ ,” Jongin growls, although he makes no move to step away. Of course, there’s not much room to escape in the small shower, but it’s the lack of effort that matters. Kyungsoo leans his hips forward and pokes Jongin again. “Do Kyungsoo, I’m going to slap your dick off if you don’t stop it,” he warns.

He gets a fearless giggle in return. “Let me stick it in real quick,” Kyungsoo negotiates.

“No.” Poke. “Asshole.”

“Yep, that’s all I want,” Kyungsoo says, grabbing at his waist.

“I hate shower sex and I’m tired, go away,” Jongin says, finally stepping forward and away from Kyungsoo’s inquisitive dick.

“Cranky brat,” Kyungsoo chides. “You know the moment we get to bed, you’re gonna be ready for round two.”

Jongin gathers a mouthful of water from the spray and jets it at Kyungsoo’s face. “I’ve been moving furniture all damn day, I just want to sleep, you  _ monster _ ,” he says.

Kyungsoo lets out a long, sad sigh, but Jongin’s not fooled. “You’re right, I’m sorry,” he says, holding his hands out for Jongin to embrace. With great suspicion, he steps into it and lets Kyungsoo wind his arms around him and lay his head onto Jongin’s chest, still marked up with bright red splotches from earlier. “No more sex tonight then,” Kyungsoo reassures him.

 

They towel off and Jongin collapses naked into the center of their brand new double bed, not even bothering to scoot up to the pillows. He feels the mattress dip as Kyungsoo crawls over him. His cheeks get pulled apart for a second and Kyungsoo’s tongue drags right over his entrance and up before it disappears and Kyungsoo flattens himself on top of Jongin before rolling off to the side. “Fuck you,” Jongin says, voice muffled against the bed.

“Not even if you begged, I promised,” Kyungsoo says smugly. “Poor widdle baby needs his sleep.”

The silence draws out for nearly a minute until Jongin finally lets out an annoyed groan and forces himself to scoot to the side, grabbing the lube off their night stand and dragging himself to his knees to crawl on top of Kyungsoo. “ _ You’re _ waking up early to go over to my place and getting the kids and returning my key then,” he growls, squirting the cold liquid out and positioning Kyungsoo underneath him.

“I’ll bring you back some breakfast in bed, love,” Kyungsoo says, pulling him down for a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rewrote the ending for WWF several times over, and in the end trashed about 10k worth of crap (including 2 almost fully finished smut scenes). I'm not even sure I particularly love this right now, but it feels right, so I'm gonna go with it so we can close out this chapter. They moved in together and are happy and have their thread again. I don't know if it was obvious, but Monggu and rain throughout this story were fate, constantly bringing them back together again. Also, it was symmetrical, Jongin pulling their thread in that hallway, and then Kyungsoo tying them back together in the same hallway, years later. I also never explicitly mentioned it (sorry), but there's an age gap between them. They're four years apart, and Kyungsoo was 28 when they first met, Jongin, 24.
> 
> I was going to write about how Chanyeol's doing okay too with his soulmate, having worked out his problems, but then given everything, honestly, Kyungsoo couldn't give a fuck, so I decided to just leave it. This is the end, at least for now. The title was inspired by that one soulmate quote that floats around on Pinterest and Twitter and quote sites. “What we find in a soul mate is not something wild to tame, but something wild to run with.” and is by Robert Brault from...I'm assuming a quotes book. I didn't take it super literal, but I wanted to keep with it. Jongin and Kyungsoo aren't perfect here, but they're perfect for each other. They're kind of assholes and kind of really soft and sweet and know each other so well and are comfortable enough with each other, that they say and do a lot of weird shit.
> 
> Edit: An especially big thank you to At1stSight for betaing and holding my hand throughout this fic. Without her, it would've been an incoherent, sloppy, hot mess. I love her, please love her as well.
> 
> Anyway, tell me what you think! If you liked it, upvote/give kudos. Let me know what else you'd like to see. I know I keep talking about it, but I got my first fanart from this story, and I really want to share it again in case you didn't see it. It is honestly so beautiful, and I hope that now the story is finished, that the artist is happy with how it ended.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Hit me up! [Twitter](https://twitter.com/filet_jignon) | [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/filet_jignon)


	14. Extras

I come bearing gifts, but you might not like them.

First, I'd like to call this the Blue Ball Bonus. It took me weeks to write the ending for WWF, which doesn't show because Chapter 13 was short as heck, but it's because I started it, couldn't go anywhere with the scene, and then trashed it. If you want to see what some previous iterations looked like, you can check them out [here ](https://indigomini.tumblr.com/post/160484543354/blue-balls-bonus)at your own risk. Please note, it's called the Blue Ball Bonus for a reason.

Second, I wrote another little drabble because I couldn't just say goodbye. This one, I personally recommend you do not read, just because it's very  _final_. I had to write it, and once written, I figured I'd share it, but it's a much more definitive  **end** for What We Find than the Epilogue/Chapter 13 was. It's called I Will Follow You Into The Dark, and you can find it [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10867122).

Thank you everyone. I'm really proud of this story. I go back and read your comments again and again and am awed by the amount of love and support for it. Really, thank you.


	15. Bridges

I wrote a little oneshot of Soo dogsitting for Jongin. You can read it [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12959328): <https://archiveofourown.org/works/12959328>


End file.
